This is really long...sorry! This is a longer version of a talk I gave at Pine Hills. I couldn't give the long version at camp because it would have been too much. As I gave the talk I really felt a focus and a communion with God that I've never experienced before. Perhaps I think too much of my thoughts and my talks, but I really think that many of the things written below will be helpful to people. Please give it a try.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. - Galatians 2:20It is not always easy to be a good person. Sometimes I want to do the wrong thing. Sometimes I want to get out of my responsibility to do the right thing. I don't always want to subject my thoughts and my actions to the will of God. I don't always want to submit my weaknesses and shortcomings to God's good and perfect will. Sometimes I want to do things my way and, therefore, I have frequently failed to obey God.
Jesus tells us in The Gospel of St. John (John 14:15),
"If you love me, you will obey what I command." This truth can be a painful truth to think about. If I don't obey God, then I am choosing not to love Him. Of all the times I failed to obey God, I chose not to love Him. Whenever I find myself struggling with sinfulness, losing the battles with my weaknesses, and falling flat on my face; if I take a step back to examine what is really going on, the truth is, I've chosen not to love God. It can be hard to love.
When I was about two weeks old my father walked into my life, held me for a half-hour, handed me back to my mom and walked out of our lives, abandoning us; abandoning me. Since the day he held me in his arms and decided I wasn't worth loving, I have never seen him, nor have I spoken to him.
Nobody's parents are perfect. Sometimes I think my mom was a better parent than many parent couples. I've seen many dads who are emotionally distant from their children. I've seen dads that have problems with rage over the smallest provocations. I've seen plenty of dads who have little or no time to spend with their children. I know plenty of dads who cannot relate with their kids; who cannot play with or goof around with them; or who cannot discipline out of love. I don't think many dads today take time to teach their sons how to be good men. It seems like the typical dad today goes to work, comes home tired and distant, attempts to connect with the family, feels overwhelmed with all of the needs a family has, and gets too upset over little things like leaving the lights on in an empty room, or the bicycle that was left in the driveway, or the lawn that did not get mowed.
If I had a dad, I'd want my dad to love me. I'd want my dad to discipline me and to teach me how to be a good man. I'd want my dad to be part of my life. I'd want my dad to goof around with me and to play with me; to show me that even if he is tired; even if he is irritated with his job, or with the pressures and stresses of life, that in some small way, I matter enough to him that he would take time out of his busy day to enjoy me. I wish dads would take time to enjoy their children.
Everybody's parents have flaws and weaknesses, and are far from perfect, and yet most of us tend to love our parents. Our parents, despite our flaws and weaknesses, tend to love us. But how many people are capable of expressing love to others? How many dads out there that are distant and cold to their families actually realize that they are distant and cold? How many kids out there have parents that have no clue that their children appreciate them and love them?
Love is something that was meant to be expressed. It wasn't meant just to be felt. It wasn't meant just to be thought. It was meant to be expressed. Love needs to be expressed daily, freshly, and completely. Expressing love has no time for being busy. We are all busy. Are we too busy to express love to those whom we love? Not many of us are good at expressing love. I am terrible at expressing love. I feel it. I think it. I fail at expressing it. Why?
Most of my flaws and weaknesses are related to growing up without a dad. God made human beings to have a mom and a dad. Each parent has much to offer to their children. No matter how amazing one of them is, he or she cannot offer everything a child needs on his or her own. I missed out on so many things a dad has to offer, even an imperfect dad.
When I started to get old enough to understand these things, I realized that I had a very limited understanding of what it really means to be a good man. I often felt like a second-class person because most of my friends who had dads in their lives seemed to be much better persons than I was. When I got to a certain point in my life and realized that I wasn't magically going to turn into the "super-Christian" men that were part of my life, I became very discouraged, and nearly lost all hope.
But I remembered a day at boys' camp when I was a kid. I remembered how inadequate I felt that day, and how discouraged I was, and how I offered my worries to God that day and felt like God told me that everything was going to be OK, and that He will take care of me. A number of years later I realized that God, my Father, will provide me with everything I need to be a good man.
God did not create us to suck at life (pardon the expression, but that is how most people express it these days, and it does not mean to this generation, the same thing it means to older generations). God did not create us to fail. He did not bring us into existence to have a hopeless, pitiful, failure of a life.
In the Gospel of St. John, Jesus said (John 10:10), "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Our adversary, the devil, prowls about the world, seeking to steal our hope, our joy, our faith, and our lives. He wants us to feel as though everything is a lost cause. He wants us to believe that we cannot accept God's gift of salvation. He wants us to live life as though we are going to fail. He wants us to believe that life sucks so that we go around trying to find joy in any way we possibly can except through God.
But that's not how God intended life to be. Jesus came to give us life, and have it to the full. We were created to overcome the obstacles, the flaws, and the weaknesses through the grace of God, and to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him, and to live joyfully with Him for all eternity.
We were made to know God. God knows who we are. He knows what makes us tick. He knows what we like in our coffee. He knows why we are the way we are even when we are confused by ourselves. He knows us by name. He is always with us. He is constantly talking to us, saving us, strengthening us, disciplining us, comforting us, and enjoying us. We can know Him too. We can speak to Him. We can receive His comfort and care. We can receive his instruction and discipline. We can hear Him if we really want to. We can enjoy Him as our God, as our Savior, and as our friend. This is all possible to anyone who will take the time to ask God to reveal Himself and have the faith to wait and see what He reveals.
We were made to love God. God certainly loves us. Why wouldn't He want us to love Him? We can love God because He first loved us. We can love God because He is able to pierce the hardest of hearts, and bring warmth to the coldest places of our hearts if we allow Him to be part of our lives. We can love God because His son, Jesus Christ, died for us while we were yet sinners. We can love God because of the nail pierced hands, the wounded side, the crown of thorns, and the bruises and gashes on the body of Jesus Christ. We can love God because Jesus, who had the power to come down from the cross, chose to stay on that cross out of love for us. We can love God because that love that held Jesus to the cross also raised Jesus from the dead and was victorious over sin and death. That same love can reside within us if we choose, and it can transform our lives. That same love can defeat the power of sin and death within us and make us new.
As I said earlier, it can be hard to love. Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15). So how much love do we need to have if we want to be successful at obeying God? How much obedience is enough to show that we truly love God? What happens if I don't have enough love? Does this mean that the love that Christ had, that held him on the cross, that defeated sin and death in his resurrection, is not enough for me?
The biggest problem that many of us have is that we make the huge mistake of believing that we are on our own to solve our problems, to defeat sin in our lives, to overcome weaknesses, to get past obstacles, and to get our lives in order. How many of us spend most of our lives trying to deal with our flaws and weaknesses and fall flat on our faces? How many of us have tried to get a handle on our temper only to lose it, and then spend days or even weeks beating ourselves up over it? How many of us have tried to lose some weight by getting on ridiculous diets, overdoing exercise for two whole days, only to feel exhausted, sore and frustrated to the point of needing a pizza and two gallons of soda to deal with the misery? How many of us have sin in our lives that we try to overcome with our will-power and self-discipline, only to find ourselves woefully inadequate in our ability to maintain the will-power and self-discipline? The silly thing is, after failing, we try again and again and again. This is insanity: failing to solve a problem by the same method over and over again. When will we ever learn that we don't have to strive for, and muster up, and earn the love and favor and grace of God?
The reason God sent His son into the world was because we aren't able to save ourselves. We don't have the will-power and self-discipline and supernatural strength to overcome everything the devil and everything this world throws at us.
It is amazing to me that immediately after telling us, "If you love me, you will obey what I command," Jesus promised us something so wonderful, so amazing, so incredible. Jesus said, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth...I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. (John 14:16-18).
My father abandoned me when I was two weeks old. My Savior refused to abandon me when the devil tempted him in the desert. My father held me in his arms and left my life forever, leaving me with weakness, pain, and frustration. My Savior refused to leave me, spreading his arms on a cross to embrace me and my sins. My father was dead to me when he abandoned me, and threw away his responsibility and his privledge of raising me, loving me, disciplining me, enjoying me, and being proud of me. My Savior is alive to me and I am alive in him; and he raises me up, he loves me, he disciplines me, and he delights in me because he triumphed over sin and death and rose from the dead.
Over the last ten years, God has healed me of so much pain in my life. He has strengthened many of my weaknesses. He has shown me how to love others. He has put in my heart a desire to love Him and to obey Him. He has given me joy that is greater than any pain or sadness I have ever experienced in life. He has given me the strength to grow up in so many ways. He has given me grace to overcome weakness in my life. He has shown me a path that leads to victory. He walks beside me and guides me, comforts me, and cheers for me. He has not abandoned me. I am not an orphan. I have God on my side. When I am feeling weak, or when I lack love, I can ask for more of the Holy Spirit, and He will never refuse that prayer. Whatever I've needed in my walk with God, He has always provided for me when I wanted it. I'm not perfect by any means. And when I do fail, he has mercy on me. While I sometimes forget that I am a child of God, He never forgets that I am a child of God, and He always treats me as His child. What parent would abandon a child who messes up in life? A good parent would never abandon a child. Our Father in Heaven never abandons us when we fall into sin.
Even though I sometimes falter in my walk with God, I see huge transformations in my life. I am not the abandoned, scared, lonely little boy that I used to be. I am one of God's sons, and am now a man of God who is growing more confident in my Father day by day. I was made to know God, to love God, to serve God, and to be with God forever for all eternity, and I will not fail at this. I know God. I love God. I serve God. I long to be with Him forever.
"It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galatians 2:20).We are not alone. We can have Christ within us, living through us. The Holy Spirit can dwell within us, strengthening us, empowering us, comforting us, and instructing us to live as Christ. All we have to do is ask for more of the Holy Spirit in our lives and these wonderful graces will occur more often in our lives. Additionally, for those of us who are Catholic, we believe that Christ is also in us through the Eucharist. A lifetime of taking Jesus into our bodies physically will affect our lives in ways we cannot comprehend. I've been a Christian for most of my life. I've known the power of the Holy Spirit for most of my life. Lifelong struggles with sin and weakness suddenly started to shrink when I became Catholic and started taking Jesus into my body during Holy Communion.
I can see a huge difference in my life since I realized that I am not alone, and that God is always with me. I can boast - like the apostle Paul- in my weaknesses, because when I am weak, He is strong. Since I've stopped striving and trying on my own, I've seen massive obstacles in my relationship with God come down easily. Since I've realized that I need God in my life in order to love Him I've been made new and continue to be made new each day. I can honestly say that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me...and life is so good!
