Saved by the Court!

I just heard on the news that the recent Terrorist plot to bomb 10 planes was brought to the attention of British officials by listening in on some calls that came from terrorists. While I think that we should do everything we can to protect the privacy of US citizens, I don't think we should protect that privacy for our enemies at home and abroad. I think it is absurd to grant privacy rights to enemies of the United States who wish to kill and to destroy us. It is frightening to think that there are many who believe we should "play nicely" with the terrorists and respect their "rights" to free speech as they plot to kill us and their "rights" to privacy as they communicate these plots. It boggles my mind that the British are more open to using tools such as wire tapping to stop terrorists from killing people than we are here in the U.S. It further boggles my mind that this recent ruling from the Appeals Court may make it easier for terrorists to plan, communicate, and execute terrorism in the U.S. People in the U.S. need to wake up and understand that there are people out there who want to see our country destroyed. They are not innocent little victims who will calm down if we just listen to them and change our evil ways. They will not befriend us. But frighteningly, there are many who want to handcuff our government from protecting us and may have gotten their way in this latest ruling. If the terrorist plot to bomb 10 planes would have occurred after this latest ruling and in the US instead of in the UK, the call that gave them away may not have been intercepted and instead of having news stories about a thwarted terror plot, we'd have news stories about the tragic loss of thousands of lives...and in response I'd (sarcasticly) say, "at least we waited for a warrant." That would make it all better.

It is laughable to me that we need to have a court's permission to spy on our enemies. It is a sham that our President is required to take an oath to protect and defend our country and then be expected to abide by silly rules that tell him that he cannot spy on our enemies because they have rights to free speech and to privacy. While I think it would be a good idea to get warrants when possible to assist with prosecution, I pray and hope the U.S. continues to listen in on the terrorists in order to stop them from executing their plans. I just heard on the news that numerous courts have held (for decades) that the President has the authority to conduct warrantless wire taps on international calls for the purpose of safety and security.

When are people going to learn that the Fathers of our country fought for the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and that life is listed first for a reason? Without the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness do not exist. If one is dead, one cannot enjoy liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If one is dead, one cannot enjoy the right to privacy or free speech. But I am alive and have privacy and free speech. And if I call Osama Bin Laden on my phone then I pray to God someone is listening in. But I don't call Osama so I have nothing to worry about. Nobody is listening in on my calls. Sometimes I'm not even listening to my calls myself. But when people start getting killed by terrorists repeatedly in our country and people start talking, saying, "Isn't this terrible? Why can't anything be done about this?" I'll laugh at them and sarcasticly say, "Come on now, they have constitutional rights to conspire and communicate their terrorism just like we have constitutional rights to conduct our business. Business is business. What do you expect us to do?" It will be a sad day when Osama gets his hands on nuclear weapons and we don't know about it because we guarantee his rights to free speech and to privacy.

I wonder about all those communications that were intercepted in World Wars I, II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and both of the wars in Iraq. Did we have a warrant to intercept those communications? We had all kinds of spies in the Soviet Union during the Cold War. I sure hope we had a warrant to spy on them because of course, all human beings have a right to privacy and to free speech. What about the Cuban missile crisis? Didn't we fly over Cuba and take pictures? My gosh! I sure hope we obtained a warrant first. We have satellites taking detailed pictures of what's going on in North Korea. Did we get the North Koreans' permission first? Do we have a warrant? News reports are saying they may have nukes now. I hope the U.S. government knows for sure whether or not they have nukes but I'm not so sure our own government knows more than the news because of the silliness out there that insists that we respect our enemies rights to speech and to privacy. Oh, it doesn't apply because they are not U.S. citizens? What about the Civil War? I sure hope the North and South got warrants before spying on each other. Where is the outcry and the demand for retroactive impeachment of Abe Lincoln for spying on U.S. citizens? What if U.S. citizens were working or travelling where we've had spy planes or satellites collect data? Shouldn't we first get a warrant?

Spying sounds unconstitutional to me according to the latest court ruling. Maybe we should retroactively impeach all our Presidents who had spy programs. What if we are invaded by a foreign country? Will we need warrants because some satellite pictures will show the activities of U.S. citizens? Will we need warrants to listen in on communications because some of the communications may be from U.S. citizens? Or maybe pictures are ok but listening in on conversations are bad. Should we really have spies infiltrate terror groups? We might violate terror groups' right to privacy. Perhaps the spies should request a warrant each time they interact with our enemies.

I'm guessing that the NY Times is looking for ways to get information on these warrants so they can print, once again, for all the world to see, all our strategies for dealing with terrorism. But hey, it is their right to sabotage all our efforts to combat terrorism. It's their First Amendment right. When the news media finds a way to unclassify FISA court warrants under the Freedom of Information Act (since our spy programs and other classified programs obviously do not get any guarantees of privacy) or some other loophole, they will have plenty to print since we now need a warrant to spy. This will be done regardless of the loss of life and the loss of years of work to provide security at home and abroad.

What if I call someone in China to discuss a Christian mission trip and the Communist party listens in? I now have a RIGHT to privacy on international calls. I can sue my country for not ensuring that my rights are protected. I can't imagine all the lawsuits that are going to come from this. And how in the world will the U.S. guarantee my RIGHT to privacy on international calls? Should the U.S. force China to respect my rights? That may require military action. But we can't spy on our enemies unless we obtain a warrant so we will most likely lose in a war with China. But at least I have my (useless) rights!

Some of the people in this country think they are so enlightened and superior by "sticking to the principles." But they lack common sense and an understanding of the realities of the world we live in. I'll come right out and say it, I think its stupid that we cannot spy on our enemies without a warrant whether they are at home or abroad. If you want to bog everything down by asking stupid questions like, "well how do we define our enemies?" you can be ridiculous and do so but please step out of the way and let people with common sense handle things. It's really simple. Those who want to kill us and to destroy our stuff in an effort to cripple or destroy our country are our enemies.

There are several exceptions to our Bill of Rights. Despite having the right to free speech, teachers can tell their students about their personal lives unless it is about religion. One cannot yell "Fire!" in a public place when there is no fire. One cannot slander another person. In many instances one may not make statements which are offensive. Despite having a Constitutional right to freedom of religion, a teacher or in many cases, students, may not engage in prayer or carry a Bible at school. Despite the right to bear arms, we are restricted in which arms we may bear, and in how we bear them. Despite having a right to life, parents have a constitutional right to murder their children prior to birth. I obviously disagree with some of the exceptions that have been made to our Bill of Rights (I don't think the murder of the unborn and restrictions on public prayer should be allowed) and I also agree with some of them (I think we should restrict people from using racial slurs in public places). Whether I agree with the exceptions or not, we have exceptions to our rights. We have a right to privacy but there should be exceptions to this as well. Privacy rights supposedly protect a woman's right to choose to kill her unwanted baby. I strongly believe an exception should be made to a woman's privacy rights so that her unborn child would be protected from being ripped apart by sharp instruments or from chemicles that burn the baby to death. Our government should be able to spy in order to protect us from our enemies. Anything obtained other than information pertaining to national security should be unconstitutional, and should be protected. Some will be silly and ask, "What is national security? Does speaking out against the government constitute a security risk?" Again, I am fine with the boggers wasting everyone's time by asking these questions over a Cappucino at Starbucks with their friends but please step aside and let people with common sense handle this. National security is concerned with stopping people from killing us and breaking our stuff in such a way as to cripple or destroy our country. Disagreeing with President Bush or Senator Hillary Clinton and voicing such disagreements is so obviously not a matter of national security. If you wish to tell your friend that you think Hillary Clinton's hair looks ratty or that George Bush's diction sounds uneducated you have nothing to worry about. But if you call up your terrorist friends in Afghanistan to ask them what the plan is for you to asisst with a plot detonate a nuclear bomb in our country you should have something to worry about. It is very simple.

When Hezbollah, al qaeda, Iran, and North Korea get nukes - and they will - I hope we know about it BEFORE it is too late. Some people may end up being unnecessarily distressed when the bombs go off and the US government was too busy dinking around in courts rather than spying on our enemies.

Basically the latest (foolish) court decision about the warrantless wire taps provides our enemies with constitutional protections to conspire to kill us and to communicate their conspiracies with one another. Well done!

Lions and Tigers and Bears...in Washington DC

Wow. Since my last post I've been quite busy. I just returned from Washington D.C. I was visiting a great friend. I left the day after the terrorist plot to blow up ten planes was uncovered. I was expecting security to be crazy and that I'd spend more time in line for security screening than I would spend on the plane. Security was fast. I really didn't spend much time in line at all. I love flying to Reagan National Airport, in D.C. Each time I've flown there we descended and flew in over the Potomac River. I was able to see the Washington Monument and the Capital Building as we descended. The airport is right on edge of the river and its really cool.

It was unseasonably cool in D.C. The night I arrived it was so nice out. We stopped at a cool restaurant that first night and sat outside talking and watching the traffic drive by. The next day we went on a long hike. We walked from what I think might have been the Pentagon area to Reagan National Airport and watched the planes take off and land for a bit. We crossed over the 14th Street Bridge, which is a really cool Bridge that takes you over the Potomac River. We walked over to the Jefferson Memorial and then on to the new World War II Memorial. Wow, the WWII Memorial was very impressive and beautiful. I'll see if I can find a way to get some pictures of it and post them. We walked past the Washington Memorial, past the White House, and then stopped at a really cool bar for a drink. I was starving so we went out to this amazing restaurant called Sweet Water. If I lived in D.C. this would be my favorite restaurant. I had some ribs and a key lime pie.

The next day we went to the National Zoo. Haha, nearly all the animals were napping when we got there. We did manage to see some really cool animals though. We went to this bird exhibit and there was a beautiful Toucan. I love Toucans. We saw a tiger and some gorillas that were awake. Then we came upon a really cool cow at the petting zoo. I love cows. I love the way they look when they chew and I love the way they moo. I especially love the way they taste. The seals and sea lions were the best. They were quite funny to watch. They were so playful. When they got tired they came up out of the water and perched on a large rock.

It was a great trip...just what the doctor ordered. I can't wait to go back. My friend Dave was great. I enjoyed hanging out with him.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

I've been noticing over the past three years that I am getting really tired. Life is getting dull. I've been getting sick so much over the past few years. I'm grossly out of shape and kinda don't care. I don't really enjoy my dog the way I've enjoyed her in the past. I have been seeing my work as a job and less of a ministry and a passion. My friends have become nearly non-existent to me. It has been a struggle to go to church and to love God. It has been a very long time since I've noticed the beauty of anything. I've grown increasingly worried about money and how little of it I make and how I may not afford to live when I grow too old to support myself. I am really tired physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have spent the past ten years of my life giving, serving, loving, and sacrificing as a response to Christ's gift, service, love, and sacrifice for me. But each of the past three years it has been getting painfully difficult. I need refreshment. I need some rest. I need some encouragement. I need to be loved. I need more of God.

After a prolonged and intense period of great healing and transformation in my life I am becoming painfully aware that I am still damaged, broken, weak, and hurting. I need a breakthrough in my life. I need more of God. I've been so tired the past two years that I've slowly dropped out of life. I feel like I've lost my ability to reach young people and to relate with them. I've lost my ability to relate with my friends (most of whom are too busy to relate with anyway). Lately I've lost my ability to hold my temper in check. I've really blown some major fuses lately. I really need more of God.

The thing is, as negative as all of this may seem, I am blessed. I'm so tired I have nothing left to give except everything I am. I offer myself up to God and cry out for mercy and grace. The most amazing thing is that my Heavenly Father loves to answer cries for mercy and grace. So I cried out to Him tonight. I felt deeply troubled and unable to fall asleep so I started to surf the internet aimlessly. I surfed over to my old church's website. The pastor there used to be one of my closest friends and his son was also one of my closest friends. They have a section on their website with old sermons. As I scrolled down, examining the sermon titles, two of them caught my attention. They were part of a two part series called, "Refueling on the Fly." I decided to give it a listen since I was troubled and unable to sleep.

My former Pastor, Ken, discussed his own struggle with what I'm going through and his ascent from it. At a certain point his wife told him he needed to get a hobby. He decided to take up disc golf. That silly hobby transformed his life. He discovered the outdoors and especially birds. This helped him realize that God created everything for us to enjoy. He mentioned Nehemiah, who brought the Jews who were exiled from their homeland back to Israel. Their homeland was ruined and the Jewish exiles were in deep sorrow, partly because of the immense task of having to rebuild their home and their life. They had enemies and doubters who stood in the way of this rebuilding. They were filled with fear and with sorrow. Nehemiah told them, "the joy of the Lord is our strength."

Ken's life was transformed by following through on his wife's advice to get a hobby. I was a first-hand witness to this. I was in deep depression at the time. I was not attending church. I was barely holding on to my faith. I gave up struggling and just gave in to sin, depression, and to my anger. I have no clue why but Ken started to invite me to join him for disc golf. I somehow knew that disc golf was of huge importance to Ken's life. So I was blown away that he would ask me to play with him. I played with him nearly every week for about two years during the warmer months. We would even venture out to play during the winter on milder days. Ken's renewed enjoyment of life soon rubbed off on me and I began to enjoy life again. Unlike Ken, I didn't really care about the birds. I fell in love with the game of disc golf. It changed my life. While Ken learned how to enjoy life through birds, I learned to enjoy people. Ken was the first older person who I felt comfortable with besides my own family. We had deep conversations. I couldn't believe someone older than me took the time to play a game with me and to listen to what I had to say. It was therapeutic. He began to invite others to join us on Sunday afternoons. I soon learned to enjoy them as well. Eventually I realized that people weren't all bad and after turning down dozens of invitations to go to Ken's church I finally went. I began to realize that God wasn't this angry God who was punishing me for the sins of my parents. The height and width and depth of God's love (still a mystery to me while very real at the same time) hit me and captured me and has never let go.

I am a competitive person and a bit of a perfectionist (not in every aspect of life though). I started going to the park to play disc golf to "practice" by myself. This was a major step for me. I hate being alone. I felt very uncomfortable at first. I soon came to enjoy the quiet, the sun, the blue sky, the deer, the shade, the dried up pond at Hudson-Mills Metropark, the other disc golf players out on the course, and my conversations with God as I played.

My faith and my life flourished. I became a member of Ken's church. I became active in youth ministry. I had a very active social life. I was enjoying life immensely. The church was growing, and the core group of people were strongly invested in building community with one another. But it didn't last. Building community ceased to be important. People became preoccupied with their jobs, and nobody had time for anyone anymore. The church began a huge project to plant a new church and Ken stopped playing disc golf with me. My other regular disc golf partners also stopped playing. I stopped playing disc golf regularly because nobody ever wanted to play anymore and there was no need for me to "practice."

I no longer enjoy life like I did four to six years ago. I am tired. Things aren't all bad. I have a renewed love for my ailing mom and a desire to serve her in the midst of her suffering. I have a renewed desire to help people encounter the transforming love of God. I have a strong desire to join the priesthood although I fear that I am too broken and am not a good enough person to become a good priest. I have a deepening desire to offer my life fully to God in a life of service to Him even if it is not within the vocation of the Priesthood. I struggle frequently with the notion that my efforts over the years have not resulted in the kind of fruit I hoped for. For a time this struggle has caused me to want to give up. Lately this line of thinking has been causing me to feel like trying harder and to press in closer to God. I would like to get more involved in my church but have no idea where to get started. I have many ideas of how I could help young people but I have no support, no energy, and no ideas on how to get started. I feel like there is so much worth doing and that there are so many ways I could help make a difference but feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the task, overwhelmed by discouragement, overwhelmed by weariness, overwhelmed with frustration, overwhelmed by the isolation and loneliness that stems from my childhood, overwhelmed by financial constraints, and overwhelmed by my weaknesses and flaws. I am overwhelmed but I am not crushed. I am tired but I am not dead. I am discouraged but not hopeless. I am sometimes lonely but not alone. I am weak but He is strong.

I just need to find the joy again. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I don't really know what it will take for me to enjoy all that God created. I'm trying. I used to love storms. The other night I actually sat out on my porch watching the sky for storms that were predicted. I haven't gone outside to enjoy an oncoming storm in years. The storm never came. I used to enjoy reading for pleasure. I went to the bookstore to get a book that caught my interest. I couldn't find the book anywhere. I haven't listened to a CD in a very long time. I'll listen to a song here and there but I can't remember the last time I listened to an entire CD. I went to listen to one of my favorite CD's. I opened the case and the CD was missing. I used to enjoy grilling food outside on the grill. I can't afford to grill right now. I used to enjoy going to Cedar Point with some of the guys from camp. I can't afford to go and probably am too big to fit on the rides anyways. I used to enjoy playing disc golf with my friends from church. I can't really afford the gas to drive out to Hudson Mills and my old disc golf friends are too busy to play anymore. I really enjoyed camp this year but am feeling too tired to continue to do it and feel like I am losing my ability to change the lives of young people. I feel like I am standing in ruins. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;

my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.

They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me.

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

- Portions of Psalm 40

Ken's sermon comforted me and reminded me of how God transformed my life through joy several years ago. I'm going to listen to part II tomorrow to see what practical suggestions he had for refueling. Lord knows I need some refueling.

I was able to have lunch with two great friends today. We talked and laughed and I really needed that. Despite losing my temper over some rather small things at camp I thoroughly enjoyed camp. I always enjoy the kids at camp. They are the reason I do camp. I love watching them have fun and I especially enjoy watching them discover the love of the Father. To be honest, the staff at camp has been the difficult part of camp for me in years past. This year was different. This year was the first year as camp director that I completely enjoyed the staff. I still got upset over some minor things, but unlike previous years, those minor things did not interfere with my enjoyment of the staff, who did an amazing job by the way.

This entry is way too long. Sorry. It is also one of my most personal entries. I am tired. I am in need of prayer. I am in need of refreshment. I'll bet everything I have that God will provide. The life God is calling me to is definitely worth the struggle and I will carry on.

Squirting Thai Iced Tea Out of My Nose

Tomorrow I head out for camp. I don't know if I am any good at camp directing but I really enjoy it. I get to work with the best people in the world. I get to serve the best kids in the world. I get to serve my Savior and my God. I get to laugh a lot, cry a little, get really really tired, and really really slap-happy late at night. I get to preach the Gospel, sing great worship songs with a bunch of guys, and watch about 100 people fall in love with God again. I get to play mind games on the campers, put on a huge scale team-building and leadership training game, and spend a lot of time laughing.

Tonight I worked all day long after working all day long for about 2 weeks now. Two nights ago I had so much work to do that I skipped sleeping and worked for 2 days straight. So when we were nearly finished and went out to dinner we went to this really good Thai restaurant. I had some amazing pork dish that tasted incredible. We were so silly during dinner. At one point my camp administrator said something really funny as I sipped some Thai iced tea from a straw and then I had to fight really hard to not spit the tea out as I laughed. He started laughing really hard which made me laugh harder and then tea flew out of my nose! Oh man, I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. Good times.

Please pray for the camp. Pray that God's mercy fall upon the guys and fill their hearts and draw them closer to Christ. Amen!

Farewell to Ben Wallace

The Chicago Bulls decided to offer Ben Wallace so much money he couldn't refuse the offer. Ben is one of my favorite players but I don't even think he was worth what the Pistons offered him (about $10 million less than the Bulls). Granted he is one of the best rebounders and shot blockers in the game right now, his stats in rebounds and blocked shots have gone down in each of the past few years. He is very limited in what he can contribute on offense. He is also 32. I think the Bulls are going to be stuck with an untradeable player with a huge salary which will hurt their salary cap.

The Pistons filled the spot by getting free agent, Nahr Mohammed. Uh...ok, whatever. Soft player, not really worth what we offered him. It is unfortunate that Joe Dumars felt like he had to just throw whatever he could into Ben's place. If the Pistons would have held on to Darko, this might have been his opportunity to make something of himself for the Pistons.

There is talk that the Pistons may offer Chucky Atkins a contract. I like Chucky but I'm not sure the Pistons are going anywhere next year without the defensive game they made popular. We'll soon see.

The New and Improved Pine Hills

School is over and I'm neck deep in camp preparations. Hard to believe I've been the director for nearly ten years. I've been out to the new camp a couple of times now. The last time I went we began planning where we will have each event. I am really excited about the new place. It should be another tremendous year of camp. I am most excited about what God wants to do. The theme for camp this week is from Psalm 23, "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life." I'll have more to say about the theme later, but part of it is about my previous post about Divine Mercy.

We renamed some of the places at the new camp site. Some of their cabin names were just too corny to use. Additionally, we wanted to bring some of our tradition (now that we have over 20 years of it) to the new place. So we named several locations at camp after some key people from the past. We couldn't honor every single key person. I'll have to put some thought into ways to do that.

We just had a staff training session today. Wow, what a great group of guys...and a very funny group of guys, too. I think every person has a great sense of humor, a great sense of purpose and mission and a great grasp of where kids are today.

Last year was a great year of camp but I really had to strain to do the job. I was not as excited about it as I normally am. Everything took great effort on my part until I actually got out to camp. This year, the thrill is back, and I have been having a great time doing camp prep.

I overhauled one of the big games we do at camp, called "Conquest." I created the game to make some of the leadership and team-building exercises that we've done more fun for the kids. There are two phases to the game. The first phase lasts four days (2 hours each day). The second phase, and arguably the most exciting part of the game, lasts 1 day (2 hours). Most of the changes won't be noticed at first. It's sorta like taking a video game and giving it a new engine and making a few tweaks to the game. You don't really notice much until later. In a sense, I did give the game a new engine. I overhauled the "nuts and bolts" of the game to allow greater efficiency and the possibility of cool additions to the game in the future. I made some minor tweaks which should result in a more exciting experience for the campers. I'm eager to see how well the game works, especially at the new site. It took me nearly 20 hours of work to get the game the way I want it so I will be upset if the tweaks don't improve the game. Unfortunately, I only worked on the first phase of the game. Phase II may not be as exciting as it was in years past because I worked with a partner to make that part of the game really sweet. I am not kidding when I say it was really sweet. It just plain rocked. But my friend who worked with me to plan and execute the 2nd phase of the game is not able to come out to camp this year. The good news is that the work I did on phase 1 this year will allow me to focus much more time and energy on phase 2 in coming years.

God is good! I worked really hard this week and enjoyed every minute of it. Hopefully next week will be more low key. I probably put in about two 18 hour days, two 16 hour days, and two 12 hour days this week. It would be nice to have a few evenings to relax, play some Guild Wars or Counterstrike, play the guitar some, and read a book or two.

I can't wait to see what God chooses to do at camp this year. And I really hope the kids have a lot of fun.

The Path of Divine Mercy

"... man en route toward the source of all good and toward his fulfillment. By placing his entire being on this path, his body, his soul and his intelligence, man reveals himself in search of God, and a pilgrim to eternity."

-Pope John Paul II

God is the source of all good. Contrary to what many believe, this world is not the source of all good. Exciting experiences are not the sources of all good. People are not the source of all good. Entertainment is not the source of all good. God the Father, Creator of all that is seen and unseen, is the source of all that is good. I wish I would remember this more. I wish I would remember it when I seek goodness in created things, rather than in the Creator. This is not to say that created things lack good. On the contrary, many created things are good because their Creator is good, and He chose to create them for our enjoyment. The problem is when we begin to live our lives as though our life's journey is en route to these created things. The problem is when we seek to find fulfillment and joy in these created things. I wish I would keep this in mind when I am feeling stressed, unhappy, tired, and restless or even distant from God and from friends and family. I wish that rather than seeking to find life and joy and comfort in the things of this world I'd look to God.

How great it is when we place our lives, our entire lives, on this path toward the source of all good. I hope and pray that I will take the grace to place my body, soul, and mind on this path. It takes faith to surrender body, soul, and mind entirely to God. Lord please forgive my unbelief. Lord help my unbelief. Help me to trust you more each day with my body, my soul, and my mind.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

- Romans 12:1

Help me to surrender my body to you when I am tired and would rather rest. Help me to surrender my body to you when serving you and others is physically unpleasant. Let me fall so deeply in love with you that I would gladly offer my body in your service, just as you offered your body by sacrificing it on the Cross for me. Create in me a pure heart and let me take hold of the grace to be more obedient to you.

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." - Deuteronomy 4:29

Help me to offer my soul more fully to you. Open my heart and my eyes more to see the need to place my soul into your care by spending more time with you, by receiving the sacraments more often, by praising you more often, by seeking you with all of my heart, by praying even when I don't feel like it, by singing to you even when I don't feel like it, and by letting my soul's hunger and thirst drive me into your arms.

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Help me to place my mind upon the path that leads to the sourse of all goodness by granting me the wisdom to guard what I think about. Help me to make better decisions about what I read, what I watch on TV, and who and what I listen to. Help me to understand when I accept the foolishness of the world as wisdom, which I do too often. Help me to see people the way you see them and to think the thoughts you have about others. Give me more grace to keep my thoughts on heavenly things, rather than on worldly things.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." - Matthew 7:12-14

These were the words of Jesus, my Savior. There are many who would say that this saying of Jesus is harsh and frightening. I say it is the opposite. Here, he is sharing the way of divine mercy. He is letting all who have ears to hear know that there is a better way than the way most of us are choosing. Here, he lets us in on a divine secret rather than keep it to himself. Here, he lets us know that there is hope. The small gate and narrow road lead to life. Many have found the wide gate and broad road that leads to destruction. We find destruction when we seek life apart from God. We find destruction when we accept the foolishness of this world as wisdom. We find destruction when we choose the fleeting contentments of this world rather than the true peace that God offers through Jesus Christ. We find destruction when we settle for shame, guilt, discouragement and despair that results from our imperfections rather than accept the loving mercy of Jesus who offered himself up as a sacrifice for our sins.

This saying of Jesus is divine mercy at it's best. This is an announcement from Heaven to all who will hear. Jesus tells us that the road that many of us are on is going to result in destruction. He is warning us that we need to stop, change course, and take a different path. He knows that many will think of him as silly and ignore him. He doesn't care that many will laugh at his wisdom as foolishness. His love for us compelled him to speak up and say something that makes many uncomfortable.

This saying of Jesus is divine mercy at it's best because while he give us some bad news - that many are on a road that is leading to destruction - he gives us good news. The good news is that there is another way. There is a gate. It is small and the road is narrow. Oh how I pray that we take this narrow road that leads to life.

There was once a man who walked along a narrow road which led to a hill. He was crucified on that hill. He was an innocent man. Never in his life did he ever do anything even remotely wrong. He is the son of God. He is God's word to us. He lived with God in Heaven.

Jesus, "... being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." - Philippians 2:6-11

Jesus walked that narrow road for us as a free gift to us because he loves us. If we bow our knees and confess him as our Lord, if we surrender to him out of faith in his sacrifice for us, we will find the grace to follow him. He will give us strength when we are weak. He will give us rest when we are weary. He will give us hope when we are discouraged. He will feed us when we are hungry and give us drink when we are thirsty. Jesus will walk with us, step by step, along the narrow road until we find our true home.

Please Lord, let me have the faith to surrender my life fully to you and to trust you with all that I am to lead me home. Forgive my unbelief and give me more faith. Help me to keep Heaven before me in my thoughts, in my words, and in my deeds. Thanks be to God!

"I've walked down a road where the devil's been

Where the kid's have seen things they should never have seen

And the ancient stone knows the deeper tale

About a bloody game, they called the holy war

Heaven is my home and there'll be no shame

I've walked down a road where the angels been

Where the kids have seen things that we never have seen

And the ancient stone knows the deeper tale

About a bloody king who won the holy war

Heaven is my home and there'll be no shame to bear"

- Song by Delirious?

Heaven is Before Me

St. Francis de Sales once said, "Resolve from now on to keep heaven before your mind, to be ready to forego everything that can hinder you or cause you to stray on your journey there."

How easy it is to lose sight of goals and get lost along the way. How easy it is to notice the world's attractions and the human desire to fill emptiness with just about anything. How easy it is to forget that we are on an important journey that will affect our eternal destiny. The things we do matter. How proud we are to think that we can handle sin and worldliness.

Jesus tells us, in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 7 verses 12-14, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Which gate do you choose today? When faced with a decision to choose to love Jesus or to love yourself more than Jesus, which gate will you choose? I pray that today I choose the narrow gate. I pray that no matter how tempting the broad, easy road is, I will choose the narrow, hard road. Jesus walked a narrow, hard road to the cross to save us from our sin.

The Gospel of Matthew 16-24-25 tells us that Jesus said "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

Lord I pray that rather than choosing my life on my terms, that I'd choose your life on your terms. I pray that I would never lose sight of the life you offer. Please give me the grace to choose your ways and your life over my ways and the life the world offers. Amen

A few personal updates:

1. I am not sure I am called to the Priesthood and have decided to wait another year to seek God and discern my vocation.

2. I am looking for a place to live next fall. Pray that I find an affordable place to live that is closer to work than where I currently live.

3. My work doesn't offer dental insurance and I have had a toothache for awhile.

4. I am most thankful to Jesus Christ, my Savior for dying in my place to pay for my sinfulness. Happy Easter!!

Days Like This

Days like today make me wonder if I'm wasting my time. Somewhat discouraged. Doesn't seem like anything I do makes a difference. Part of me wants to quit trying to make a difference.

Thank God for times like this which humble me and cause me to cling tighter to Him. Thank God I remember that life comes, not from making a difference, but from God and God alone. Still, it would be nice if something I do matters. Regardless of whether my effort seems to matter, I will remain faithful to God. I will not give up.

Starting to wonder if I'm not called to do this anymore. Maybe it is really time for a change. Maybe it is time to move on to other things. I've been feeling this way for a couple years now. I will do whatever God wants me to do.

A Proud Coach Asks More of His Team

I coach an 8th grade boys' basketball team. I'm not a great coach by any means but my boys are a great team. They work so hard without complaining. I have tremendous respect for them. I can't help respecting them because they are incredibly hard workers. They are also very talented. When I think of talented teams I think of the Lakers with Kobe and Shaq, Karl Malone and Gary Payton - extremely talented but not hard workers, and not a team. The Pistons, without an all-star, with hard work, beat that Lakers team in the NBA finals two years ago. But my team has talent and hard work, and they play as a team.

Today one of my reserve players who generally doesn't get a lot of playing time made an incredible shot at the end of the game. One of my best players ran out and made a big deal about the incredible shot. I'm so proud of how they work as a team, how they work to overcome challenges, and how classy they've been. They are also a ton of fun to hang out with. I'm an old fart who is somewhat demanding in basketball practices, yet they seem to enjoy having me talk to them and joke around with them.

There is something inspiring about watching people work very hard at something. I'm so glad they've embraced the ideal of hard work without complaining and without quitting. These guys are going to go somewhere in life. Watch out!

Having said all that, there is one thing which is far more important than any of this. When they stand before God to give an account of their lives, to whom will their hearts belong? I'm truly happy to have such a great basketball season and to be able to be a part of their lives. But what I really want is for each of them to know how much God really loves them, and to respond to that love by loving God with all their hearts. Basketball is a great sport and hard work is such a great part of human character, but none of that matters if their hearts do not belong to God. Nothing really matters unless our hearts belong to God.

You may be the most successful person in whatever field you are in but it does not matter one bit unless your life is in God's hands. Apart from God, anything we commit our lives to is meaningless and a big waste of time. Apart from God, there is no point in anything. Apart from God, winning basketball games take on much greater importance because it gives us something to focus on instead of the emptiness of meaningless existence.

To my boys who take the time to read this: you guys are awesome not because you're so sweet at basketball, but because of who you are - sons of God. You're also awesome because you are truly wonderful human beings that I care for and enjoy very much. Choose Jesus and get to know him as much as you've worked at getting to know basketball this season. When you get knocked over by sin and by your weaknesses and your flaws, get back up and live your lives with purpose; as sons of God.

P on 3!

Criminal Justice and Other Stuff

This morning I heard a commercial for a company that specializes in career training. The commercial stated that "criminal justice is one of the fastest growning careers in the United States." I thought this was a sad and frightening statement. Why is everyone going to jail? I pray that I never go there.

I recently saw a "stand-up comedy act" where a famous "comedian" (I didn't find him very funny) made fun of everyone who has religious beliefs. It was clear that not only was he an athiest but he is angry with those of us who believe. Why so angry? I am not angered by his lack of belief. I pray that he will believe someday but there's no need to be angry over what people believe. He was basically saying that anyone who believed in God or the Bible are complete fools. While I support his right to decide that for himself, he cannot make that decision for others. We all need to decide this for ourselves.

If one chooses to believe in God it should affect the way one lives his life. If it has no impact on his life, then his belief is no different than the devil's belief. The devil believes in God more than any of us do since he has seen and spoken to God. To believe in God should result in a love for God. To believe in God should result in total surrender of our lives to God. Treating God like an encyclopedic fact (division is one of the four functions of mathematics) and nothing more is not faith, and does very little good.

Pneumonia

I somehow managed to get pneumonia. Its not as bad as I imagined it would be but its definitely the most unpleasant struggle of my life. I've been off work all week and I really miss my students. I'm sure they don't miss me all that much but that's ok. I definitely miss them. I miss sharing the love of Christ with them each day. I miss their humor and their personalities. Oh well, hopefully I'll be back soon.

I did go coach the other day. That was tough for me. I was drained by the time I arrived. We had to set up for the game. The younger team had to play first. Then it was our turn. Our team is 5-0 now. We won our game the other night. It has been a lot of fun watching them grow as a team. They began the season as a very impatient, emotional team that found way too many ways to throw bad passes or to take the wrong shots at the wrong times. They have grown patient and more emotionally mature (in a game sense), and have learned to pass the ball well and to take smart shots. They are a really good team. Its a lot of fun.

More importantly than that, they are good kids. I try really hard to reach them, to get through to them and let them know that I really care about them as people, not just as basketball players. But I don't think they either get it or they don't really care. I struggle with the temptation to give up when people don't care about things. I feel useless and worthless. But that's just how I feel. What I know is quite different. What I know is that it doesn't matter if they care, or even if I care. What matters is that God cares. What I know is that with God all things are possible. What I know is that even if I am right and they don't really care, they are such awesome people that they are definitely worth the effort and the prayers. They are great kids with great hearts and with great futures. I just wish that for once, I could make a difference and affect the lives of people for good, and for God.

I don't just feel this way about my basketball team. I feel this way about all my students, all my friends, and all the people I know. God please let me see how I can affect those I know. Please let me make a difference. Please allow my life to be useful. I'm sick and can't do much, but I can pray. So I pray for every person I know. Please draw them to yourself. Please address their doubts and restore faith. Please bring light where there is confusion. Please bring them encouragement and peace to those who are troubled and heartbroken. Please awaken those who are asleep and don't realize that they were born into a battle, not a game. Please heal the blindness that prevents us from seeing our sinfulness and our need of you. Please get us home to You in Heaven safely. Please.

What I want for Christmas and Forever

"FATHER,... this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." - John 17:3

These are very encouraging words. It would be really easy to think that the verse should read something like "FATHER,...this is eternal life, that they may live free of sin." It is easy to think that this is the real means of eternal life because this is what religion causes us to think. Religion can be a hopelessly impersonal, sterile, black and white, rigid, and a truly futile attempt to appear holy. There is authentic Christianity and there is a lifeless form of Christianity. The lifeless form of Christianity is the way of the flesh; we strive to be like Christ even if Christ is far from our hearts and minds so that we appear to be Christ like in a religious sense. Authentic Christianity is life-giving. It is the life of God within us. It is Christ in us. It is real.

It is often so hard to truly love God. It is so hard to obey God. It is so easy to stumble and fall, to lose our way. Our hearts are restless, and hungry. The world has so much to distract us from the hunger and the pain that comes from not truly giving our hearts to God. We try to feed the hunger with the things of this world but the things of this world are not eternal. The things of this world lead our hearts further and further from the heart of Jesus. The world is not bad. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son to save the world. But the world cannot save. The world will not last. The world is not God.

It is so easy to be materialistic. Christmas is all-too-often about getting stuff. Work is all-too-often a means of obtaining stuff, rather than a vocation to be used by God to bless the world. School is a means to increase one's salary and status rather than a means to bless the world. Prestigious jobs and positions are often a means of getting what one wants rather than a means of blessing the world. The world we live in is not bad but it is backwards. To buy into the wisdom of the world is to buy into a way of thought and life which will lead us away from God simply because the best that the world has to offer is not God.

God has much to offer. We take for granted so much what God has to offer. If God gives a man a great mind it can be used to bring hope and light and life to those in darkness, who are hopeless and who are lifeless. If God gives a man good health it can be used to serve those who are truly in need. God's desire is that none of us should perish and suffer hell. God is merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in love. All God has for us is His best. And so he came down from his throne in Heaven and became a baby. He was born in a barn where animals were kept. From throne room to barn, from his baptism until his death on a cross, He humbled Himself to love us, to serve us, and to save us.

Jesus prayed, "Father,... this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent." If Jesus prayed that we may know God, then we may know God. If Jesus prayed that we may know God then God eagerly awaits our knowledge of Him. He does not want us to merely know of Him. He wants to be more than a myth or a fable that teaches morals and gives us warm feelings. He wants to be more than cognitive awareness. He doesn't want to be known in the same way that one can know about something they read about in an encyclopedia. He does not want to be known in a distant, cold, factual manner, much like one can know about a great uncle or great grandfather. He is not a character in a book. He is the one true God and He wants us to know Him as a friend, as our Father, as our Savior, as our Counselor, as the Spirit of Truth, as Immanuel (God with Us), and as our God.

To know God means that we speak with Him and He with us. We can tell Him what is on our hearts and our minds. We can tell Him when we are joyful. We can tell Him when we are angry. We can tell Him when we are worried. We can tell Him we are sorry. And He has much to say to us when we are joyful, angry, worried, and sorry. Even when we feel indifferent, even cold toward Him, we can tell Him and He will listen, and He will care. What Father wouldn't try to do whatever is within His power to love His children and to provide for them?

To know God who loves us the way He loves us is not religion. It is relationship. It is real. To know God who loves us the way He loves us will affect our lives. It will sustain us in difficulties. It will draw us closer to Him because to know God in this way is to realize that we have nowhere else to go but toward Him. To know God is to understand that the world He made for us (and all that is within it) is good but it will not sustain us; it will not give us hope; it will not fill the emptiness; it will not save us; it will not last forever. To know God is to understand that no matter what we have done He still loves us and longs for us to love Him back. To know God is to know our greatest friend, our greatest hope, our greatest joy. To know God is to overcome. To know God is to live victoriously and powerfully as His beloved. To know God is to know His favor.

It sometimes seems so hard to get to know God. Church can be boring. Prayer can be difficult. Scripture reading can be tedious and even boring. Self-discipline is a major obstacle to knowing God. The pace of life can make it difficult to make time for God. Our affections for the things of this world and for sin can make it difficult to remember the One who died for us.

But do not forget the prayers of a righteous man who lived and died for us. He prayed that we would know the Father. He could have prayed that we would know eternal life through living perfect lives. But He knew that would be the way the world sees things; and that the world has it backwards. We cannot hope to live better lives apart from God. To overcome we must know the One who overcame. We must know God in order to perfect our lives. Just as Jesus asked His Father that we would know Him, we may ask that we can know God.

It may not be easy to get to know God but it is definitely worth the struggle. Never give up seeking God. No matter how many times we fall and fail, get right back up and try again. Anything that is worthwhile is worth struggling to obtain. I want to know God so much that He becomes my treasure. He is a great treasure. He is worth selling all I have in order to have Him.

Please consider praying with me: I want to know You. I want to see your face. I want to know you more. I want to touch you, I want to hear your voice. I want to know you more. Forgive my lack of faith. Give me faith. Forgive my lack of discipline. Give me discipline. Forgive my lack of love. Give me love. Forgive my selfishness. Give me a heart of compassion for others. Forgive my pride. Let me be humbled by your humility. Lord help me to stand and to not fade away.

To know God is to surrender all that we are and all that we have. This is the response to knowing God.

I Dare You To Move

"Welcome to the planet. Welcome to existence. Everyone's here. Everyone's here. Everybody's watching you now. Everybody waits for you now. What happens next? What happens next? I dare you to move. I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move. I dare you to move like today never happened. Today never happened..."

-Switchfoot

"There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. - Luke 15:11-24

I don't know who I've become. I love God yet I don't do what I ought to do. I love God yet I do what I shouldn't do. I don't want to offend my Savior. I don't want to disobey my Father in Heaven. But I am selfish and weak willed and constantly find myself neck-deep in the stench of my sinfulness. I've broken my Savior's heart countless times. I've troubled the One who came from His Holy place in Heaven and dwealth amongst us; born in a barn where cattle lived. I've treated my incredible inheritance from God as though it is worthless. God please forgive me for being so shallow; forgive me for caring more for selfish desires and plans than for you; forgive me for my lack of patience and kindness for others; forgive me for the terrible thoughts that come to mind, which I allow to dance there and entertain me; forgive me for falling short of the mark you've set for me.

I went to confession today. What an incredible grace Jesus left for us. I realized some things about myself recently that I wasn't proud of. I thank God for revealing my heart to me so that I can offer it to him. Last weekend I was really unhappy about what I saw. I don't know who I've become lately.

"The tension is here between who you are and who you could be; between how it is and how it should be." -Switchfoot

I don't want to fade away. I don't want to grow weary and fall behind. I don't want to lose my way and wander aimlessly. I want to be who I was made to be. I want my life and the lives of everyone I encounter to be what they should be. So today I moved like "today" never happened. I got myself up off the floor and stood strong like the son of God that I am.

Mercy is an incredible thing. And my Father in Heaven was pleased with me for coming back to Him.

Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape yourself? Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here! - Switchfoot

Hallelujah! Salvation is here. Fact is, none of us can really lift ourselves up off the floor without assistance. We can't be holy and righteouss on our own. We need God to come lift us up off the floor.

"When it is a question of a sinner He [God] does not merely stand still, open His arms and say, "Come here;" no, He goes forth to seek, as the shepherd sought the lost sheep, as the woman sought the lost coin. He goes- yet no, He has gone, but infinitely farther than any shepherd or any woman. He went the infinitely long way from being God to becoming man, from being exulted to being crucified, and that way He went in search of sinners." - Soren Kierkegaard

Do you find yourself a long ways from who you were meant to be? Have you stumbled and fallen into sin? Is your heart far from God? I dare you to move. I dare you to get on your knees and tell Him you miss Him. He's right there beside you. He has never left you. Salvation is here!

God and Basketball

Basketball started today. My team is sweet and the guys on it are not only great athletes but they are great guys too. I don't know too many teachers/coaches who can say that they really enjoy being around their kids but I honestly can say that I do.

I had such a great day today. I got to go to the chapel for Adoration twice today. I wasn't really in the mood to go but once there I decided to make the most of it and really am thankful for all that God has done for me.

I went to the chapel with my religious education class. I hope my students are learning to love and appreciate God more. I pray that they would have eyes to see and ears to hear the truth and the Gospel. I pray that they convert more deeply and surrender more of their lives to their Father in Heaven.

I sometimes feel like I bore them out of their minds. Please, Lord, don't let me be a hindrance to them. Please don't let me be in the way. Don't let me bore them with useless information and encyclopedic facts. Instead allow me to be an instrument of your love, your hope, and your grace. Let them see their hunger and their thirst for you and respond freely. Help me to convince them that you are a great treasure worth having.

Please don't let me feel like all my efforts are in vain and that I am a failure at reaching out to others with your truth and your love. Please don't let me get discouraged and hyper-critical. Please don't let me focus on how badly or how well I teach them. Instead, let me look to you in all things for what I need and for what I need to do. Fill me with more of the Holy Spirit so that I may be attentive to you and to what you are doing.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. World without end, Amen.

It is well!

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul!


This classic hymn brought me great joy while thinking of these particular verses. Since I can't say it better than the author of this hymn I will just simply let the words speak for themselves but please read them over again, picture them in your mind, meditate on them, cherish what it means, and thank God with all your heart.

I'll be updating more regularly now.

God bless

Med Flight

I went to a highschool football game tonight to watch some of my former students play. One of the guys on their team (not a former student) injured his neck badly enough that they called for a helicopter from U of M hospital to transport him. The doctors on the field (parents of students) were concerned about a bumpy ride to the hospital (Michigan has the worst roads in the world no thanks to the auto industry). I really hope the kid is ok. I prayed for him. I was really sad to see him taken off the field and transported by helicopter. Please pray for him.

1,000,000 MPH

Life is beginning to settle down for me, and of course, I am now sick. I haven't blogged because I've been working 10-14 hours a day. I've been sick for the past week....downright miserable. I probably should have kept on blogging. I have many cool ideas but I really have to be in the mood to write. How can I put myself in the mood to write? Maybe I should retire from work. The suffering of poverty would certainly create new inspiration but then again, I love my job and hate having too much free time so retirement??? HECK NO!!!

I may have been putting in 14 hour days but I absolutely love it. I'll try to update daily.


God bless!

Search My Heart

Just when things were starting to look amazing God decided to reveal my heart to me. Last night I realized I really didn't want to go to Mass today. I had a strong inclination to skip Mass. When I woke up this morning I wanted to stay home. My mind continued to rationalize skipping. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home and watch NFL pregame shows and play some counterstike.

It took great effort on my part to force myself to go to Mass. I got in my car and started driving and realized that I didn't like the condition of my heart. It troubled me greatly that I wanted to avoid going to Jesus this morning. How can someone who loves God so much want to avoid Him? How can someone who wants to know God so badly want to do "more important" things like watch TV? Where did my love go? Where did my hunger and thirst for God go? How could I come so close to allowing myself to skip church as though it was some random dull event that wasn't very important?

No, I didn't like who I was this morning. I didn't like who I've become. I didn't like the inappreciative, unloving, thankless, selfish person that I'd become one bit. As I reluctantly drove to church I had a thought that changed everything: the good news. There is good news in every circumstance, every situation, every incident. It may not be obvious; it may be hard to see, but it's there. The good news for me this morning is that while I didn't like who I'd become, and as much as I hated having to FORCE myself to go to Mass (rather than go willingly and joyfully), Jesus loves me. Sounds a bit trite, doesn't it? I suppose it could be trite if you have little understanding of the significance of this. While I was not being as loving as I could be, my Savior still loved me. While I found it difficult to love Him the way that I should, my Father in Heaven remains completely faithful and unrelenting in His love for me. While I found it to be a huge effort on my part to get in the shower, get dressed, and go to church, God, the Holy Spirit gave me strength to love Him enough to shower, dress, and hop in the car to go to church.

I didn't deserve what I received at church today. I guess we never really do deserve it but I certainly felt much less deserving (if there is such a thing as being less deserving of God's closeness, love, friendship, joy, and peace) today. And even though I had no desire to be there He met me there the moment I opened the door and walked in. As I dipped my finger in the Holy Water to sign myself with the Cross I realized (perhaps for the first time) that He is glad I was born and delighted in my baptism. I couldn't believe it. My heart was so far from God as I drove to church. It seemed like the distance between my heart and God would never be bridged, and all it took was a five minute drive and some Holy Water for me to be right back in the palm of His hand.

As we sang Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy) I experienced His lovingkindness and His mercy very powerfully. I listened to the Scriptures as they were read to us. They were about God's mercy. And just before Holy Communion, when we said the words, "Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the words and I shall be healed," I rejoiced that God could love a sinner such as myself.

Where is your heart toward God? Is it far off? Remember that God is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. No matter what you've done, no matter what darkness lingers in your heart, the Light of the World loves you with all of His Most Holy and Sacred Heart. Welcome to existence!

I love my job! Do you?

I am one of the fortunate ones. Some would say I am a fool for working at a private school, getting paid very little to do a very time-consuming job. I don't see it that way at all.

First of all unlike my public school colleagues, I get to discuss Jesus with my students. I teach Religious Education (horrible name for the class - I dislike religion and prefer relationship with God). There I get to discuss God with my students. We pray together. We make a difference. We will care for the poor together. We will encourage each other. What a joy to take part in what God is doing with them.

Secondly, I get to receive Jesus through Holy Communion with my students and co-workers. Today's Mass was awesome. Mass is celebrated in my classroom, the gym! In addition to teaching Religious Education I also teach Physical Education. The gym is where we celebrate Mass each week. I was drawn so deeply into the heart of mercy today during Mass. I was so captured by the presence and love of God...and this is part of my job!!!!

Thirdly, I am a kid at heart and goof around with the students and the staff not only tolerates it but encourages it. I have received nothing but support, love, and kindness from fellow staff members who probably don't always understand me and what I'm doing but somehow see the hand of God in what I do. The students may not always appreciate how dedicated and devoted the staff is to them and how much the staff really does care for the students but I certainly do notice and appreciate it. I love the people I work with. They are a blessing to me. We don't have office politics which are actually very common in schools. We are not territorial like so many teachers tend to be. We are not guarded and defensive and wounded like so many of our colleagues are in other schools. Despite the claims of many students, the staff loves kids and cares about each student. We are far from perfect. We have things to work on but we aren't political about it and it is a peaceful work environment. Thank you God for this!

Fourthly (if that is a word), the students are amazing people. I have the deepest respect for them. I love speaking with them in classes, in the hallways, before school, after school, and during lunch. I love to make them laugh. I love it when they make me laugh. I love to teach them and I love it when they try to learn. I see the hand of God on each of them. I see Jesus in each of them. I tend to see the good in them rather than the bad. I never find them annoying or an inconvenience. They are important to me and I would do just about anything to help them if they are ever in need.

Finally, since I do care so much about my students, it is a great joy to me that many of my former students keep in touch, visit me at school on their days off, talk to me on IM, and even share meals with me, play computer games with me, and even pray for me or ask me to pray for them. I regularly get to hang out with several of my former students and it is a great source of joy. I have nothing but the highest level of respect for them and for what they are doing with their lives. I am very proud of them.

I know this may sound corny in some ways. I am particularly and painfully aware that my kind words may make some of my former students (and current ones too if any of them read this) feel uncomfortable. I wish it wasn't uncomfortable for them. I wish they would realize they are amazing people made in the image of God; each of them reflecting Jesus in a particular way. Some of them think they are terrible Christians or "bad kids." I have never met a bad kid and I have serious doubts that such kids exist. The ones who think they are terrible Christians are being lied to. They are children of God and loved dearly by God the Father, God, the Son, and God, the Holy Spirit. They are also loved by a middle-aged kid at heart who, like them, often fails to see the good in the things he chooses to do with his life. But he trusts God because God is faithful. God is loving.

I have come to love the life He has given me. I may not make much money but I am one of the most fortunate men in the world. Money isn't everything and unlike many wealthy people, I generally look forward to Monday mornings.

Will you trust God with your life?