Grace

Avalanche!

2007-10-17T16:58:00.000-04:00

I'm having an interesting week. Monday I met with my mom's social worker and physical therapist to discuss mom's transition back home. She is getting a walking cast on Oct 24 and coming home Oct 27. I have a bunch of stuff to do to prep the house for her return to make things less hazardous for her.

Yesterday I was stopped at a red light and a full size van plowed in to the back of me. It was so violent I blacked out for a brief moment and regained consciousness after my car was pushed through the entire intersection and was moving down the street. I am in a fair amount of pain in my head and in my neck.

I aggravated a slowly healing heel injury in my foot by running to the other vehicle to see if they were ok and to get them out of their van, which was beginning to catch fire.

When I returned from the doctor today I found raw sewage leaking through my kitchen drywall and have to take yet another day off from work to be here when the plumber arrives. Then I'll have to wait for the maintenance folks to schedule someone to come in and redo the drywall.

Sunday I have to go to a conference for work all day and will not get a badly needed day of rest.

I feel like the whole world is caving in on me right now and I am beginning to crack a bit under the stress. Sorry if this comes off like a pity party. I just needed to tell someone that my head hurts, my neck hurts, and my foot hurts. I'm exhausted from not sleeping well at all last night. I feel like I'm being buried alive in an avalanche.

There is another avalanche at work here. The avalanche of God's love for me is at work. God's love is also burying me, covering me, strengthening me, and holding me up. The cracks that are appearing due to the stress are being covered by God's love. As I realized that I was trying to deal with all of this on my own strength, I decided to rest in the one who loves me beyond measure.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. - Psalm 20:7

Psalm 20:7 does not mean I get to just sit back and coast through an easy life. There is plenty of work to do whether I feel like doing it all or not. But I trust in God for peace, joy, strength and wisdom in the midst of it. He will provide all I need and I can rest assured of this.

I do not need to worry about my mom, the house, the car, or even about my health. I just need to trust in my Father who loves me, and made me to overcome. God did not create us to be overwhelmed by life. We were created to know and love God and to bring glory to Him. In the end, things may not be perfect, but good will come from all of this.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

When we feel the cracks of stress bursting; when we see the signs of an avalanche coming (or perhaps it is too late; it is here!), when we feel like we are left alone to handle a host of problems on top of our jobs and our vocations all by ourselves; when we feel like we are being owned by life, we need to run to our Heavenly Father. I grew up without a dad, so I am unfamiliar with going to dad for help. I am learning to do this, and what a blessing it is!

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. - Psalm 46:1-3

God truly is my refuge and my strength. The world is not ending. I have a few minor bumps in the road to deal with and I'm feeling like a little kid who is overwhelmed. Thank God this little kid has a big, strong, loving Father who will walk me through all this. I am thankful for the avalanche of His love for me.

Blur

2007-09-12T18:47:00.000-04:00

Life has been crazy. I'm in the middle of moving. I painted one of the rooms I am moving into and it needs to be redone. School just started. My mom broke her ankle the night before the first day of school. Yesterday I had to get up really early in the morning to take her to the hospital for surgery on the ankle. The surgery went well but she cannot put any weight on it for six weeks! The selfish part of me tried rearing it's ugly head and the grace of God came and I accepted. I can take great care of her for six weeks.

She is actually thinking about going to a temporary nursing home for a few weeks. She has such a sweet personality. It will be enjoyable to go visit her and see her interact with the staff and patients there. I wish I would have appreciated her personality more when I was younger.

While I'd rather be able to go home from work and relax and do MY stuff, I have a great opportunity to go to my mom's home after work and do HER stuff and take care of her, love her, and be there for her. My mom has been a huge blessing to me all my life. I hope and pray that she will feel loved over the next six weeks more than ever. God is so good!

Sin

2007-08-19T14:23:00.001-04:00

"Sin is a cruel murder, a frightful act of God-murder, a ghastly annihilation of all things. It is murder because it is the only cause of death, both of the body and of the soul of men. It is God-murder because sin and the sinner caused Christ to die on the cross, and the sinner continues this crucifixion of Jesus, day by day, within himself."

-St. John Eudes

Thank God for mercy!

Simple Pleasures of the Summer

2007-08-01T19:16:00.001-04:00

I love getting the summers off from work. I love to relax on the hot days and do little projects around my house on cooler days. I've been visiting with a few friends lately. The other night one of my friends and I went for a long car ride down to Ohio. It was a beautiful summer night. The sky was incredible. As the sun made it's way past the western horizon, the moon, in the eastern sky, was huge, and red, and most beautiful.

I've been having fun playing with my dog. She is the sweetest, coolest dog ever. She is a blessing from God. She loves to play even if she is a bit lazy.

I am becoming more and more aware of God's presence in everything I do. I've been learning to act as if God is here with me, relating to me, because He is. It is possible to have a relationship with God. The thing is, you have to pursue Him. You have to acknowledge His presence. If I were to go about my day ignoring Him in everything I do, then there is no relationship.

So many people try to limit the spiritual to the "important" things, like prayer, having a Bible study, going to church, and participating in some sort of Christian small group. God is certainly in those things, but He is with me as I watch a movie. He is with me as I play a computer game. He is with me as I sit in my friend's rental car, waving my hand through the summer breeze as the car rolls down a rural road in Ohio. He is with me as I enjoy ice cream on a hot summer night. He is with me as I lay down to rest. He is with me as I brush my teeth in the morning. He is with me as I pet my dog and throw things for her to fetch...and He enjoys being with me. I am learning to enjoy being with Him.

It is easy not to notice Him. We let ourselves get so busy that we enjoy much of life without Him. But for whatever reason, I've been noticing Him. I've been sharing the joys of my life with Him, and He takes delight in it. When life isn't so enjoyable, He is also with me. I am able to see Him with me in the hard times in life too.

Sometimes the most "spiritually powerful" encounters with God go unnoticed. I participated in a Christian support group for a group of high school seniors this past year. One of the guys expressed frustration at the amount of time we spent just socializing. He wanted us to engage in more "spiritual" conversation. He is a great guy, but he really missed the boat. God is in the mundane things of life, and that is where He often chooses to work most powerfully. God is in the little things, too. God really was pleased with some of our time socializing, and He delighted in it. One does not have to kneel on a prayer mat, meditating on the deep mysteries of God all the time. We can deepen our relationship with God in everything we do. It takes time and effort, but it is so worth it!

Food from Heaven

2007-07-24T23:45:00.000-04:00

Study your heart in the light of the Holy Scriptures, and you will know therein who you were, who you are, and who you ought to be. - St. Fulgence of Ruspe

I find this to be very true. Scripture is such a key to living the Christian life. It boggles my mind to think that I have spent significant portions of my life trying to live as a Christian, but not taking it seriously enough to immerse myself in God's word.

I've become so used to certain phrases in Christianity that I frequently gloss over the real meaning of them. Take the phrase, "God loves you." How many times have we heard this one? How many times have we actually taken the time to think about what that really means? The One who created all things, who is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-holy, and all-loving knows who I am, and loves me. Love is not just a feeling of affection. God doesn't just have warm fuzzies for me. Warm fuzzies are so over-rated anyway. Love means that he acts upon his concern for me. He takes the best course of action - the perfect course of action - for my benefit at all times. This has so many implications. One could spend hours thinking about all the implications of God's love. To mention a few, God has mercy on me when I miss the mark. God delights in me. God enjoys my company when I spend time with Him. God delights in the work I do. God never turns away from me. God never takes out his frustrations on me. God cares for me and provides for me. He holds me in existence by keeping me in his thoughts at all times.

What about God's word? How many times have I taken this for granted. It is God speaking to us...to me! Why would I even consider trying to live a Christian life without taking time every day to see what God has to say to me? Why would I ever choose to tune out at church while God's word is being read to me? Why would I ever choose to tune out at church while God's word is being reflected upon during the homily? Didn't Jesus tell us that we don't live on bread alone, but also on the word of God? Why would I starve myself of God's word? Yet, for large portions of my life, I have chosen to do this.

It is no wonder, then, that for large portions of my life, my faith has been weak and powerless. It is no wonder then, that I don't see the hand of God more in the world. It is no wonder then, that it has been difficult to discern what to do with my life.

Over the past ten years I have grown more devoted to regular Scripture reading in my life and it has changed my life. When I am regularly in God's word, I have strength to live for Him. When I regularly read God's word, I grow in love for Him. When I read the Bible often, I find the temptations of the devil and of this world, much less interesting.

If a man were to stop eating food for a few days, he would be weak and tired. If he were to go months without eating he would most likely die. If the Word of God is bread for the soul, then of course we get tired and weak by refusing to be fed by it. It frightens me to think about trying to go long periods of time without taking the time to be fed by God's word.

"Blessed are those...who seek him with their whole heart..." - Psalm 119:3

I want to be blessed in this way. I want to seek God with my whole heart. I want everything in my life to be about seeking God. I want my work, my play, my rest, my relationships, my money, my time, my strength to be opportunities to seek God. One of the best ways to seek God with one's whole heart, is to spend time with God each day in prayer and in the Scriptures.

Please, if you are trying to seek God; if you want God to reveal Himself to you more fully; if you want to love God more; if you want to overcome the obstacles in life, do the following:

1. Ask for more of the Holy Spirit in your life.
2. Ask God to reveal Himself to you more.
3. Spend time each day telling God about your day, your life, the good things, and the difficult things.
4. Spend time each day reading God's word in the Bible and think about it, pray about it, and talk about it with others.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me!

2007-07-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

This is really long...sorry! This is a longer version of a talk I gave at Pine Hills. I couldn't give the long version at camp because it would have been too much. As I gave the talk I really felt a focus and a communion with God that I've never experienced before. Perhaps I think too much of my thoughts and my talks, but I really think that many of the things written below will be helpful to people. Please give it a try.

It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. - Galatians 2:20

It is not always easy to be a good person. Sometimes I want to do the wrong thing. Sometimes I want to get out of my responsibility to do the right thing. I don't always want to subject my thoughts and my actions to the will of God. I don't always want to submit my weaknesses and shortcomings to God's good and perfect will. Sometimes I want to do things my way and, therefore, I have frequently failed to obey God.

Jesus tells us in The Gospel of St. John (John 14:15), "If you love me, you will obey what I command." This truth can be a painful truth to think about. If I don't obey God, then I am choosing not to love Him. Of all the times I failed to obey God, I chose not to love Him. Whenever I find myself struggling with sinfulness, losing the battles with my weaknesses, and falling flat on my face; if I take a step back to examine what is really going on, the truth is, I've chosen not to love God. It can be hard to love.

When I was about two weeks old my father walked into my life, held me for a half-hour, handed me back to my mom and walked out of our lives, abandoning us; abandoning me. Since the day he held me in his arms and decided I wasn't worth loving, I have never seen him, nor have I spoken to him.

Nobody's parents are perfect. Sometimes I think my mom was a better parent than many parent couples. I've seen many dads who are emotionally distant from their children. I've seen dads that have problems with rage over the smallest provocations. I've seen plenty of dads who have little or no time to spend with their children. I know plenty of dads who cannot relate with their kids; who cannot play with or goof around with them; or who cannot discipline out of love. I don't think many dads today take time to teach their sons how to be good men. It seems like the typical dad today goes to work, comes home tired and distant, attempts to connect with the family, feels overwhelmed with all of the needs a family has, and gets too upset over little things like leaving the lights on in an empty room, or the bicycle that was left in the driveway, or the lawn that did not get mowed.

If I had a dad, I'd want my dad to love me. I'd want my dad to discipline me and to teach me how to be a good man. I'd want my dad to be part of my life. I'd want my dad to goof around with me and to play with me; to show me that even if he is tired; even if he is irritated with his job, or with the pressures and stresses of life, that in some small way, I matter enough to him that he would take time out of his busy day to enjoy me. I wish dads would take time to enjoy their children.

Everybody's parents have flaws and weaknesses, and are far from perfect, and yet most of us tend to love our parents. Our parents, despite our flaws and weaknesses, tend to love us. But how many people are capable of expressing love to others? How many dads out there that are distant and cold to their families actually realize that they are distant and cold? How many kids out there have parents that have no clue that their children appreciate them and love them?

Love is something that was meant to be expressed. It wasn't meant just to be felt. It wasn't meant just to be thought. It was meant to be expressed. Love needs to be expressed daily, freshly, and completely. Expressing love has no time for being busy. We are all busy. Are we too busy to express love to those whom we love? Not many of us are good at expressing love. I am terrible at expressing love. I feel it. I think it. I fail at expressing it. Why?

Most of my flaws and weaknesses are related to growing up without a dad. God made human beings to have a mom and a dad. Each parent has much to offer to their children. No matter how amazing one of them is, he or she cannot offer everything a child needs on his or her own. I missed out on so many things a dad has to offer, even an imperfect dad.

When I started to get old enough to understand these things, I realized that I had a very limited understanding of what it really means to be a good man. I often felt like a second-class person because most of my friends who had dads in their lives seemed to be much better persons than I was. When I got to a certain point in my life and realized that I wasn't magically going to turn into the "super-Christian" men that were part of my life, I became very discouraged, and nearly lost all hope.

But I remembered a day at boys' camp when I was a kid. I remembered how inadequate I felt that day, and how discouraged I was, and how I offered my worries to God that day and felt like God told me that everything was going to be OK, and that He will take care of me. A number of years later I realized that God, my Father, will provide me with everything I need to be a good man.

God did not create us to suck at life (pardon the expression, but that is how most people express it these days, and it does not mean to this generation, the same thing it means to older generations). God did not create us to fail. He did not bring us into existence to have a hopeless, pitiful, failure of a life.

In the Gospel of St. John, Jesus said (John 10:10), "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Our adversary, the devil, prowls about the world, seeking to steal our hope, our joy, our faith, and our lives. He wants us to feel as though everything is a lost cause. He wants us to believe that we cannot accept God's gift of salvation. He wants us to live life as though we are going to fail. He wants us to believe that life sucks so that we go around trying to find joy in any way we possibly can except through God.

But that's not how God intended life to be. Jesus came to give us life, and have it to the full. We were created to overcome the obstacles, the flaws, and the weaknesses through the grace of God, and to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him, and to live joyfully with Him for all eternity.

We were made to know God. God knows who we are. He knows what makes us tick. He knows what we like in our coffee. He knows why we are the way we are even when we are confused by ourselves. He knows us by name. He is always with us. He is constantly talking to us, saving us, strengthening us, disciplining us, comforting us, and enjoying us. We can know Him too. We can speak to Him. We can receive His comfort and care. We can receive his instruction and discipline. We can hear Him if we really want to. We can enjoy Him as our God, as our Savior, and as our friend. This is all possible to anyone who will take the time to ask God to reveal Himself and have the faith to wait and see what He reveals.

We were made to love God. God certainly loves us. Why wouldn't He want us to love Him? We can love God because He first loved us. We can love God because He is able to pierce the hardest of hearts, and bring warmth to the coldest places of our hearts if we allow Him to be part of our lives. We can love God because His son, Jesus Christ, died for us while we were yet sinners. We can love God because of the nail pierced hands, the wounded side, the crown of thorns, and the bruises and gashes on the body of Jesus Christ. We can love God because Jesus, who had the power to come down from the cross, chose to stay on that cross out of love for us. We can love God because that love that held Jesus to the cross also raised Jesus from the dead and was victorious over sin and death. That same love can reside within us if we choose, and it can transform our lives. That same love can defeat the power of sin and death within us and make us new.

As I said earlier, it can be hard to love. Jesus said, "If you love me, you will obey what I command" (John 14:15). So how much love do we need to have if we want to be successful at obeying God? How much obedience is enough to show that we truly love God? What happens if I don't have enough love? Does this mean that the love that Christ had, that held him on the cross, that defeated sin and death in his resurrection, is not enough for me?

The biggest problem that many of us have is that we make the huge mistake of believing that we are on our own to solve our problems, to defeat sin in our lives, to overcome weaknesses, to get past obstacles, and to get our lives in order. How many of us spend most of our lives trying to deal with our flaws and weaknesses and fall flat on our faces? How many of us have tried to get a handle on our temper only to lose it, and then spend days or even weeks beating ourselves up over it? How many of us have tried to lose some weight by getting on ridiculous diets, overdoing exercise for two whole days, only to feel exhausted, sore and frustrated to the point of needing a pizza and two gallons of soda to deal with the misery? How many of us have sin in our lives that we try to overcome with our will-power and self-discipline, only to find ourselves woefully inadequate in our ability to maintain the will-power and self-discipline? The silly thing is, after failing, we try again and again and again. This is insanity: failing to solve a problem by the same method over and over again. When will we ever learn that we don't have to strive for, and muster up, and earn the love and favor and grace of God?

The reason God sent His son into the world was because we aren't able to save ourselves. We don't have the will-power and self-discipline and supernatural strength to overcome everything the devil and everything this world throws at us.

It is amazing to me that immediately after telling us, "If you love me, you will obey what I command," Jesus promised us something so wonderful, so amazing, so incredible. Jesus said, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth...I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. (John 14:16-18).

My father abandoned me when I was two weeks old. My Savior refused to abandon me when the devil tempted him in the desert. My father held me in his arms and left my life forever, leaving me with weakness, pain, and frustration. My Savior refused to leave me, spreading his arms on a cross to embrace me and my sins. My father was dead to me when he abandoned me, and threw away his responsibility and his privledge of raising me, loving me, disciplining me, enjoying me, and being proud of me. My Savior is alive to me and I am alive in him; and he raises me up, he loves me, he disciplines me, and he delights in me because he triumphed over sin and death and rose from the dead.

Over the last ten years, God has healed me of so much pain in my life. He has strengthened many of my weaknesses. He has shown me how to love others. He has put in my heart a desire to love Him and to obey Him. He has given me joy that is greater than any pain or sadness I have ever experienced in life. He has given me the strength to grow up in so many ways. He has given me grace to overcome weakness in my life. He has shown me a path that leads to victory. He walks beside me and guides me, comforts me, and cheers for me. He has not abandoned me. I am not an orphan. I have God on my side. When I am feeling weak, or when I lack love, I can ask for more of the Holy Spirit, and He will never refuse that prayer. Whatever I've needed in my walk with God, He has always provided for me when I wanted it. I'm not perfect by any means. And when I do fail, he has mercy on me. While I sometimes forget that I am a child of God, He never forgets that I am a child of God, and He always treats me as His child. What parent would abandon a child who messes up in life? A good parent would never abandon a child. Our Father in Heaven never abandons us when we fall into sin.

Even though I sometimes falter in my walk with God, I see huge transformations in my life. I am not the abandoned, scared, lonely little boy that I used to be. I am one of God's sons, and am now a man of God who is growing more confident in my Father day by day. I was made to know God, to love God, to serve God, and to be with God forever for all eternity, and I will not fail at this. I know God. I love God. I serve God. I long to be with Him forever.

"It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galatians 2:20).

We are not alone. We can have Christ within us, living through us. The Holy Spirit can dwell within us, strengthening us, empowering us, comforting us, and instructing us to live as Christ. All we have to do is ask for more of the Holy Spirit in our lives and these wonderful graces will occur more often in our lives. Additionally, for those of us who are Catholic, we believe that Christ is also in us through the Eucharist. A lifetime of taking Jesus into our bodies physically will affect our lives in ways we cannot comprehend. I've been a Christian for most of my life. I've known the power of the Holy Spirit for most of my life. Lifelong struggles with sin and weakness suddenly started to shrink when I became Catholic and started taking Jesus into my body during Holy Communion.

I can see a huge difference in my life since I realized that I am not alone, and that God is always with me. I can boast - like the apostle Paul- in my weaknesses, because when I am weak, He is strong. Since I've stopped striving and trying on my own, I've seen massive obstacles in my relationship with God come down easily. Since I've realized that I need God in my life in order to love Him I've been made new and continue to be made new each day. I can honestly say that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me...and life is so good!

Farewell Pine Hills

2007-07-20T15:28:00.000-04:00

While I very well may return in some capacity to help out at camp, this was my last year as the Camp Director. I will miss being the Camp Director. God used the camp to bring healing to my life as I learned to give of myself over the years. I pray that God used the camp to bless the campers as much as He used it to bless me.

When I first started as Camp Director, the camp was more or less a boot camp that put on a cool prayer meeting. The emphasis of the camp was character development, which blessed and helped me tremendously as a boy raised by a single mom. As I started to wade through all the work that needed to be done to run the camp I prayed. I really felt God's hand leading me through it all. One of the things I felt God leading me to do was to re-prioritize the goals of the camp such that God was first, having fun was second, and character development was third. This was not an easy task. I was reluctant to make the changes given the strong traditions of the camp.

Many of the staff could not see that God wanted to do way more than toughen boys up and teach them self-discipline. God wanted to bring the boys to a deeper place in their faith, and to give them spiritual gifts that could be used to advance God's kingdom even when they weren't tough enough or self-disciplined enough. God wanted to set kids free from sin and from guilt even if they were not tough or self-disciplined. God wanted to empower the boys to find strength when their character failed them. I have never met a man who could depend upon his character in times of great trial. I've known weak men who excelled in times of great adversity when they trust in God their Father to give them strength. Some of the staff dragged their feet. Some of them silently dissented. Some of them complained behind my back. Little by little, they were either converted to doing camp God's way, or they did not return to camp for various reasons. While I missed those really good guys, camp was better served by guys who were open to doing camp the way God was leading us.

I have been most impressed by the staff's openness to God's leading during the past several years. We never totally disposed of character-building activities. They are still there. The difference is that God is preached and glorified each day instead of just one day. The boys learn to trust in God rather than in themselves. At the same time, they also learn that God wants to strengthen us and to discipline us, and if we allow God to do this in addition to leaning in to the Holy Spirit, they can do all things with God's strength. Our staff has been outstanding the past several years.

The Activities Directors over the past three years have been the best the camp has seen. They were tough when needed, but they have had a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and an eye for the needs of the boys that I have never seen until recently. This is a huge compliment because the camp has had excellent Activities Directors over the years.

The new Camp Director will be a great asset to the camp. He is imaginative, open to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and humble. He will be very effective if he can build good relationships with the staff and the campers. I strongly suspect he will reach out and be very successful at getting to know everyone. He did an excellent job doing that this year. I am so blessed to know that camp will be in good hands.

This was by far my most favorite year of camp. I had so much fun with the campers and with the staff. I saw God move powerfully. This was the smoothest week of camp that I can remember. The boys seemed to have a great time. They seemed to open their hearts to God, and were blessed.

It was a great joy to end my service as Camp Director on a most positive note.

Pine Hills!

2007-07-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

I am going to camp in two days, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

By the way, my mom is doing so much better. Thanks for your prayers!

Prayer Requests

2007-06-07T23:24:00.001-04:00

I had to take my mom to the ER today because she has been terribly sick all week. Not sure what is wrong with her. She was admitted to the hospital due to numerous infections. I am no doctor so I can't really put this in medical terms. The best I can describe it is that she is falling apart. Please pray for her.

My mom is the sweetest human being I've ever known. Very compassionate, loving person. Great sense of humor. Amazing mother. I am not ready to let her go yet. Pray not only for my mom, but also for me that I will not be so selfish.

While I was in the ER waiting for my mom, a patient arrived in an ambulance. Her family was waiting in the waiting room and they were really upset and troubled. Their sister was brought in for an overdose. I prayed ten Hail Mary's for their sister and asked our Blessed Mother to intercede for her and for her family. Please keep them in your prayers as well. One of the family members was so upset she was shaking and crying out to God, promising to get her life straightened out. I had a moment of compassion while in the midst of worrying for my mom. I hope they are doing well tonight.

Farewell

2007-06-03T21:29:00.000-04:00

It was an honor to teach this year. The seventh graders were so much fun this year. They are great kids...funny too. For the most part, they are respectful, fun-loving, good-natured kids. I wish I could reach their hearts and inspire them to respond to God more, but I'll leave that to the Holy Spirit and continue to plant seeds and hope for the best. Most of them are very positive thinkers and very kind to me and to one another. I couldn't ask for better kids. I look forward to teaching them one more year (whether they like it or not!).

I am really going to miss the 8th graders. They are the nicest, eager-to-please, funny, deep, and inspiring kids I've ever taught. I think they are the first class where the girls actually appreciated my humor! That is saying a lot because I have a strange sense of humor. Most of them seemed to like it when I challenged them to change the way they thought about God and the Church. They were at least very polite about having to listen to me ramble on and on for hours. The boys came a long ways since they were 6th graders. I really appreciated how much they grew up and how hard they worked to be the best they could be.

I pray that all of my students, past and present, choose to give in to the relentless,unending, unconditional love of God and become who they were made to be. I wish this year's 8th graders well. May God bless them and protect them. Sadly, I was unable to attend their graduation ceremony.

I hope my 7th graders come back next year hungry for God and willing to hear what God has to say to them through me, through each other, and through God's Word.

Having said all of that, thank God it is summer!

An Amazing Ordinary Day

2007-02-22T22:58:00.000-05:00

I took some extra time for prayer this morning. It was so good. The prayer energized me. I was hyper all day (in a good way). I had so much fun at work today teaching and playing with the students.

The girls let me play volleyball with them. I am lousy at volleyball (I do serve decently well and occasionally get a lucky bump or set here and there)but I really have fun playing. The boys have been letting me play basketball with them even though I am terribly out of shape and can't really play full court. The students at our school are incredible human beings with amazing potential to make this world a better place.

I got to have dinner with a former student. We laughed a lot. It seems that God has been giving me many opportunities for laughter. Laughter is good for me. After dinner I went to a meeting with a few other former students who are trying to live their lives completely for God. They inspire me.

It is nearly March and I am healthy, energetic, and upbeat. After several years of struggling with my health, this is a huge blessing.

I'm going to start posting a bit more regularly. I've had a lot of interesting thoughts buzzing through my mind lately.

Lent is here! Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner! Kyrie Eleison!

"Have mercy upon me, O God ... according unto the multitude of your tender mercies blot out my transgressions." (Ps. 51.1)

Joyful Day

2007-01-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

What a great day! I had trouble waking up. I was very tired, but it was worth getting up. I have the most awesome job, the most awesome students, the most awesome co-workers, and a most awesome God.

I was so blessed to be able to celebrate Holy Eucharist at work. I was a bit drowsy during Mass but still managed to engage my heart and mind in the prayers and worship.
I got a ton of work done today. I put in a long day and got some great things done.

I pray for my students regularly. I really hope and pray that they fall in love with God. Nothing would give me greater joy than knowing that they know Jesus and his love for them, and that they love him back.

I may not be the best teacher. I may be really boring at times, but I really want to make a difference. I really want to help people know Jesus. I really want others to know the joy that I have known in Christ. I hope my students know that I am on their side and that I care and that I am fighting along side them.

I am really looking forward to spending some time with a friend of mine who will be visiting from out of town soon. I am really in the mood for another trip to Ashley's with him. We've had some great food, some great drinks, and some excellent conversation there. My friend is a great guy. He is one of the most generous, virtuous, respectable people I have ever known. He is very insightful, and has been there for me every single time I've needed a good friend to be there for me. He probably doesn't know this but he also has influenced my faith significantly. He inspires me to live for God because of his drive to do things well.

Life is not always easy. It is not always hard. The battle to stay focussed on what is good, and true, is tiresome at times. I easily get distracted. I will not give in. I will not falter. I will remain in the struggle.

The struggle is worth it!

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength II

2006-12-19T19:55:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile since I have written. It was intentional. I wrote on August 4 about how I've become tired and that life has become dull. I was discouraged about life and was becoming easily discouraged about more and more things in life. I was burned out and in need of some major reconstruction in my life. So I made some drastic and some not so drastic changes to my life and am seeing great results.

I've refocused my life on God. It isn't that I lost my focus. It has always been there. But I've decided to lean closer to Him. I've decided to cling tighter to Him. I've decided to get to know Him even more. The struggles are still there. I still worry that I bore my students to death while teaching them the Faith. I still fear that I am not bearing much fruit in the things I am doing.I still wonder if what I'm attempting to do is making a difference. But the difference now, is that I am experiencing great joy in obeying God by teaching and living the way He is calling me to do these things. I am experiencing great joy in being faithful to Him. The difference is that I am placing my trust in Him and relaxing a little; not putting so much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly.

I think it is affecting my teaching. I've been much more playful and "funny" with my students. Some of them appear to actually enjoy my classes now and then. All of them are learning. I hope and pray that they are growing in faith and growing in their love for God. I cannot control this other than hoping, praying, and doing my best to be faithful to God in presenting the material as best as I can.

My basketball team has been doing so well. This year's team lost all their games last year. They have worked very hard to improve, and they are 2-1 now. Their attitudes and their hard work have impressed me. I am very encouraged. I am having a blast coaching them.

Tonight I got to go out for dinner with a former student who is now in college. What a great kid. He is considering the priesthood and is in seminary. We had one of the most exciting, edifying, deep conversations I've had in quite some time. What a joy it is to have a deep conversation with one of my former students! To top it all off, I had ribs for dinner!!

I've had some really interesting, and inspiring ideas running through my head the past few months. I think I'll blog them. Maybe they only inspire me but maybe others will find them inspiring too.

Needless to say, I'm back. I feel like myself again. I am enjoying everything in life, even things that are not enjoyable.

God, thanks so much for the life you've given me! Thanks for restoring the joy! Thanks for my students! Thanks for my former students! Thanks for my mom! Thanks for my friends! Thanks for ribs! Thanks for you!

Reflections...Prayer of Contrition

2006-09-21T22:49:00.000-04:00

Last year I wrote about my students and how awesome they are (See September 7, 2005 post if interested). I absolutely love my job even though last year turned out to be quite difficult. I had trouble connecting with my 8th grade students last year despite having a strong connection with them in previous years. I honestly don't know what happened. Things didn't go poorly. When I look back on things, I accomplished some good stuff with them. But somewhere along the way I lost something with that class and I can't figure it out. On the one hand I trust that God accomplished what he wanted to accomplish through my relationship with that group even if I messed things up. On the other hand, I constantly question whether I could have done some things differently to make a bigger difference. I prayed for them constantly but as the year went on they seemed to distance themselves from me. I really hope I didn't do something to push them away.

I subsequently found out that some of the students thought that I hated my job and that I couldn't wait to do something different. This was painful for me to hear because I constantly told them how awesome they were and how much I loved my job. Perhaps they got this (strange) idea when I had pneumonia because I certainly didn't want to be at work for a good two months but went to work against my doctor's advice because I care so much for my students and wanted to be there to make whatever difference God would allow me to make. I had pneumonia and could have died but chose to go to work because I love my students and my job just that much. So when I found out that some people thought I didn't want to be there I couldn't believe it. Perhaps I'm over reacting but my motivation is that I want to make a difference in the lives of my students. Given the number of teachers out there who treat their students like cattle while providing "cookie-cutter" education, I am proud to say that I actually care about my job and helping my people.

I honestly feel that despite my best efforts I let them down last year in several ways that maybe even they wouldn't recognize. I think my health issues and the feeling of ineffectiveness and helplessness led to my post this summer about feeling worn down and tired (see August 4, 2006 post if interested). I'll have more to say about feeling worn out and tired in a later post. But the biggest thing I learned is that even if I am unable to see a way to make a difference in the world around me, God knows what He is doing and I need to put my hope in Him rather than in myself. At first it bothered me that I care so much about making a difference but I now realize that this is a God-given desire and that God wants us to concern ourselves with being fruitful. Having said this, I would like to make perfectly clear that fruitfulness is not born out of our own strength and talents alone. Fruitfulness that is meaningful must be rooted in what God is doing and sometimes God works through us even when we aren't working particularly well. I pray that if I did fail to maintain a strong connection with my class last year that God worked in them anyway.

I've been meeting with a group of former students for a couple years now on a weekly basis. Lately I've been feeling like the strong connection I once had with them is getting away from me. Some of the guys haven't been coming lately. Some of the guys hardly ever talk to me or want to hang out with me anymore. And I think a few of them think less of me because I went through a phase this summer where I was in need of rest and refreshment and sometimes behaved like a big jerk.

All of this- the loss of connection with my 8th graders last year, and the loss of connection with the group of seniors I've come to care for and love very much over the past two years - has been eating at me. I just want to help people and love them and make a difference. Lately I've been feeling like I'm not allowed to be human. I feel like people that I've loved and served haven't given me the space to have pneumonia and be less energetic. I don't have the space to be worn out after a long, hard school year followed by a month of gruelling camp prep, followed by camp. I don't have the space to be human and get irritable now and then. I don't have the space to ever be discouraged even though I only hear about things that go wrong and get very little encouragement and positive feedback about anything I do.

While I feel like I have no space to be human,God calls us to rise above the negativity. He calls us to rise above fleshly desires and gives us the strength and the grace to be joyful,loving, patient, and to persevere even in the midst of intense struggle. The fact is, I have screwed up. I failed to accept all of the grace God offered me in the midst of all those struggles. At times, I chose to deal with them on my own, with my own talents and with my own waning strength. It was prideful and I was wrong.

So to anyone reading this who I let down I am truly sorry for my pride and my refusal to accept all of the grace God has for me. And to God, I am sorry for being so full of pride that I didn't turn to you more. Please help me to seek you, to know you, and to love you with all of my strength and help me to never try to stay in the struggle on my own strength. Please help me to accept my human limitations even if others do not. Help me to see that despite these limitations, you do, in fact, love me anyways, and have all the grace I need to make a difference wherever you place me. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you even if I only hear about my failures from others. Please help me to accept your love when hearing only about my failures is painful to me. Please don't let me waste my opportunities to love you and to love others. Please tear down my pride and make me humble.

This Just In...

2006-08-22T06:59:00.000-04:00

I made a new blog, Fuzzy, for the less significant posts. I haven't decided yet whether this is a good idea. In a way, I don't really want to separate the less significant from the more significant because it is all part of life, the struggle, and grace. I'm going to experiment with it and see if I like this or not. I decided to give it a try because it seems odd to have a post ranting about Comcast or my political views followed by a plea for everyone to pray for peace. Still, I can't help but feel that even though these posts are very different in priority and in gravity, they belong together because as odd or as insignificant as they may seem, they are part of what I'm struggling with. At any rate, you can now read my "deeper" thoughts here and my "fuzzy" thoughts on my other blog.

God bless.

Pray for Peace

2006-08-22T01:33:00.000-04:00

Still having problems with Comcast. Did I mention that Comcast is horrible and should cease to exist? This is quite a minor problem in the scheme of things. On a more serious note, I am becoming increasingly concerned about the state of world affairs.

North Korea and Iran are on the verge of developing nuclear weapons (if they haven't developed them yet). The situation in Lebanon is ripe for bigger trouble. European and US citizens are completely oblivious and apathetic to the fact that there are dangerous people out there who want to do us harm.

The United Nations is a complete joke. All they do is pass resolutions and do nothing when the resolutions are violated. I liken the United Nations to the mom at the grocery store with the spoiled child. The spoiled child is grabbing things off the shelf and screaming and making a scene and all the mom does is say, "Stop that! You are going to get a time out!" I've never seen a child stop because of idle threats. I can't remember a time when the United Nations actually made a difference in making the world a safer place. I honestly have no idea why we even bother wasting our time with the United Nations. When Iran gets a nuke and uses it on Israel they are just going to make another useless resolution.

It is only a matter of time before all kinds of countries and terror groups have nukes. Meanwhile we have people here in this country who want to be isolationist. It reminds me of the beginning stages of World War II, when nobody really thought Hitler was a big threat. Nobody took him seriously...until it was too late. People need to wake up. Extreme Muslims are not interested in negotiation, money, and land. They are interested in spreading their extreme hatred wherever they can spread it. When they get a chance they will bring the fight here.

Wishing for the best is great but we need to live in the real world and deal with what really exists. We cannot afford to ignore the problems brewing in North Korea, Iran, Iraq, and in Lebanon. I am in favor of pursuing peace. I am not interested in going to war. Ignoring the terrorists is not peace. Downplaying the threat of terrorism is not peace. Tolerating evil is not peace.

I am voting for whoever gives me the impression that s/he will not tolerate evil, and who will not ignore the problem of terrorism. Unfortunately I don't see any candidate who is willing to stand up for what is right. The only person I see with a plan for combating terrorism is our current president. I fear that if a Democrat is elected we will placate and accommodate more and more terrorists and give them the security and even legal protections to conspire and to execute terrorism. The Republican candidates thus far seem weak to me, and are likely unwilling to be leaders. Consensus would be great but most likely will not happen in this country until car bombs and nuclear and biological weapons are detonating in our cities. By then it will be too late.

Please pray for peace. Pray for God's mercy and grace. Pray for the terrorists. Pray for our President and our leaders, regardless of their political party. Pray that the tensions calm down and that they will not escalate. Pray that God will have mercy and intervene and prevent the destruction of so many lives. Pray that people will repent of their sinfulness and turn to God. Ask everyone to pray for peace.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of your thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Comcast is Horrible and Should Cease to Exist

2006-08-19T00:51:00.000-04:00

I have had nothing but trouble with my Comcast cable service for months and months and months and months and months. I can't exactly recall the exact start of my problems but I'm guessing around October of 2005 I started to have problems with my cable reception. The picture would distort and the sound would break. Sometimes the TV was unwatchable for hours at a time. This was most frustrating when I wanted to watch my football games. I called Comcast and they sent a technician who fidgeted with the wires and claimed it was all fixed. Shortly after he left the problem returned. This went on for months and months.

Maybe it's just me but if I ran a business and I had a customer who was as repeatedly unhappy with my service as this I would make sure the problem is resolved. But Comcast has a monopoly on cable service and could not care any less about its customers because Comcast is our only choice. Little do they know, as soon as I move, I am going to get satellite TV and be done with Comcast for good. A friend of mine had Direct TV and it worked wonderfully.

After months of getting the usual run-around I called the Ann Arbor Cable Commission and finally got my cable fixed in July. October to July of terrible on and off cable service and they only gave me one month's credit. I searched and found absolutely no phone numbers one can call to voice a complaint with someone who is held accountable for pleasing the customers. I searched for an email address to send in complaints to the corporate office. It wasn't possible. I repeatedly asked to speak to a supervisor. Once I was left on hold for over a half hour when I asked to speak to a supervisor. Many other times I was told that there was no supervisor. Imagine that, a huge company like Comcast and not a single person who is in charge! So not only did they give me the run-around, but they lied repeatedly to me. When I finally got a "supervisor" I was told that they would dispatch a "senior technician" to look into my problem. The "senior technician" never showed up on the day he was supposed to come. He came several days later after I once again called the Ann Arbor Cable Commission (which, by the way, is just as inept at giving customers any idea that our complaints are being handled). Finally the problem was fixed.

Zoom ahead to three days ago... I was channel surfing and got a message that said "One Moment Please: This channel should be available shortly." Ten minutes later the message was still up so I decided to just go to sleep. I got up the next day and turned on the TV to see the news and behold, the same message appeared. I called Comcast and got a recording stating that it would work much faster if I just let them send a signal to my box if I press 1 on my phone and that if that didn't fix the problem I should unplug the cable and plug it back in after 30 seconds. I pressed 1 on my phone and nothing happened. Ten minutes later I unplugged my cable, waited 30 seconds, plugged it back in and I finally got my picture back. Several minutes later I lost my picture. I went through this entire procedure again, and again, and again, and again, and again. I have unplugged my cable and then plugged it back in over a dozen times in the past hour. The only reason I'm doing this (rather than giving up and finding something else to do) is to show my readers how much of a joke Comcast is.

I'm not looking forward to dealing with Comcast again. If I had some money I would look into my legal options but I have no money for that and am at the mercy of a seemingly unethical company that does not care about its customers.

So I called Comcast...again, and was told that they sent a signal to my cable and got a response back from it and that they don't see a problem with my cable! LOL!! I had to explain that regardless of the information my cable box sent back to them, I have no picture. They had a hard time understanding that it is a problem when their customer does not have a picture. I was finally able to talk them into letting me bring my cable box in to exchange it for another. I'm guessing this will not fix the problem but as you can see, I am documenting this entire fiasco, and doing it so that my readers can see that Comcast is horrible and should cease to exist.

Saved by the Court!

2006-08-18T16:08:00.000-04:00

I just heard on the news that the recent Terrorist plot to bomb 10 planes was brought to the attention of British officials by listening in on some calls that came from terrorists. While I think that we should do everything we can to protect the privacy of US citizens, I don't think we should protect that privacy for our enemies at home and abroad. I think it is absurd to grant privacy rights to enemies of the United States who wish to kill and to destroy us. It is frightening to think that there are many who believe we should "play nicely" with the terrorists and respect their "rights" to free speech as they plot to kill us and their "rights" to privacy as they communicate these plots. It boggles my mind that the British are more open to using tools such as wire tapping to stop terrorists from killing people than we are here in the U.S. It further boggles my mind that this recent ruling from the Appeals Court may make it easier for terrorists to plan, communicate, and execute terrorism in the U.S. People in the U.S. need to wake up and understand that there are people out there who want to see our country destroyed. They are not innocent little victims who will calm down if we just listen to them and change our evil ways. They will not befriend us. But frighteningly, there are many who want to handcuff our government from protecting us and may have gotten their way in this latest ruling. If the terrorist plot to bomb 10 planes would have occurred after this latest ruling and in the US instead of in the UK, the call that gave them away may not have been intercepted and instead of having news stories about a thwarted terror plot, we'd have news stories about the tragic loss of thousands of lives...and in response I'd (sarcasticly) say, "at least we waited for a warrant." That would make it all better.

It is laughable to me that we need to have a court's permission to spy on our enemies. It is a sham that our President is required to take an oath to protect and defend our country and then be expected to abide by silly rules that tell him that he cannot spy on our enemies because they have rights to free speech and to privacy. While I think it would be a good idea to get warrants when possible to assist with prosecution, I pray and hope the U.S. continues to listen in on the terrorists in order to stop them from executing their plans. I just heard on the news that numerous courts have held (for decades) that the President has the authority to conduct warrantless wire taps on international calls for the purpose of safety and security.

When are people going to learn that the Fathers of our country fought for the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and that life is listed first for a reason? Without the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness do not exist. If one is dead, one cannot enjoy liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If one is dead, one cannot enjoy the right to privacy or free speech. But I am alive and have privacy and free speech. And if I call Osama Bin Laden on my phone then I pray to God someone is listening in. But I don't call Osama so I have nothing to worry about. Nobody is listening in on my calls. Sometimes I'm not even listening to my calls myself. But when people start getting killed by terrorists repeatedly in our country and people start talking, saying, "Isn't this terrible? Why can't anything be done about this?" I'll laugh at them and sarcasticly say, "Come on now, they have constitutional rights to conspire and communicate their terrorism just like we have constitutional rights to conduct our business. Business is business. What do you expect us to do?" It will be a sad day when Osama gets his hands on nuclear weapons and we don't know about it because we guarantee his rights to free speech and to privacy.

I wonder about all those communications that were intercepted in World Wars I, II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, and both of the wars in Iraq. Did we have a warrant to intercept those communications? We had all kinds of spies in the Soviet Union during the Cold War. I sure hope we had a warrant to spy on them because of course, all human beings have a right to privacy and to free speech. What about the Cuban missile crisis? Didn't we fly over Cuba and take pictures? My gosh! I sure hope we obtained a warrant first. We have satellites taking detailed pictures of what's going on in North Korea. Did we get the North Koreans' permission first? Do we have a warrant? News reports are saying they may have nukes now. I hope the U.S. government knows for sure whether or not they have nukes but I'm not so sure our own government knows more than the news because of the silliness out there that insists that we respect our enemies rights to speech and to privacy. Oh, it doesn't apply because they are not U.S. citizens? What about the Civil War? I sure hope the North and South got warrants before spying on each other. Where is the outcry and the demand for retroactive impeachment of Abe Lincoln for spying on U.S. citizens? What if U.S. citizens were working or travelling where we've had spy planes or satellites collect data? Shouldn't we first get a warrant?

Spying sounds unconstitutional to me according to the latest court ruling. Maybe we should retroactively impeach all our Presidents who had spy programs. What if we are invaded by a foreign country? Will we need warrants because some satellite pictures will show the activities of U.S. citizens? Will we need warrants to listen in on communications because some of the communications may be from U.S. citizens? Or maybe pictures are ok but listening in on conversations are bad. Should we really have spies infiltrate terror groups? We might violate terror groups' right to privacy. Perhaps the spies should request a warrant each time they interact with our enemies.

I'm guessing that the NY Times is looking for ways to get information on these warrants so they can print, once again, for all the world to see, all our strategies for dealing with terrorism. But hey, it is their right to sabotage all our efforts to combat terrorism. It's their First Amendment right. When the news media finds a way to unclassify FISA court warrants under the Freedom of Information Act (since our spy programs and other classified programs obviously do not get any guarantees of privacy) or some other loophole, they will have plenty to print since we now need a warrant to spy. This will be done regardless of the loss of life and the loss of years of work to provide security at home and abroad.

What if I call someone in China to discuss a Christian mission trip and the Communist party listens in? I now have a RIGHT to privacy on international calls. I can sue my country for not ensuring that my rights are protected. I can't imagine all the lawsuits that are going to come from this. And how in the world will the U.S. guarantee my RIGHT to privacy on international calls? Should the U.S. force China to respect my rights? That may require military action. But we can't spy on our enemies unless we obtain a warrant so we will most likely lose in a war with China. But at least I have my (useless) rights!

Some of the people in this country think they are so enlightened and superior by "sticking to the principles." But they lack common sense and an understanding of the realities of the world we live in. I'll come right out and say it, I think its stupid that we cannot spy on our enemies without a warrant whether they are at home or abroad. If you want to bog everything down by asking stupid questions like, "well how do we define our enemies?" you can be ridiculous and do so but please step out of the way and let people with common sense handle things. It's really simple. Those who want to kill us and to destroy our stuff in an effort to cripple or destroy our country are our enemies.

There are several exceptions to our Bill of Rights. Despite having the right to free speech, teachers can tell their students about their personal lives unless it is about religion. One cannot yell "Fire!" in a public place when there is no fire. One cannot slander another person. In many instances one may not make statements which are offensive. Despite having a Constitutional right to freedom of religion, a teacher or in many cases, students, may not engage in prayer or carry a Bible at school. Despite the right to bear arms, we are restricted in which arms we may bear, and in how we bear them. Despite having a right to life, parents have a constitutional right to murder their children prior to birth. I obviously disagree with some of the exceptions that have been made to our Bill of Rights (I don't think the murder of the unborn and restrictions on public prayer should be allowed) and I also agree with some of them (I think we should restrict people from using racial slurs in public places). Whether I agree with the exceptions or not, we have exceptions to our rights. We have a right to privacy but there should be exceptions to this as well. Privacy rights supposedly protect a woman's right to choose to kill her unwanted baby. I strongly believe an exception should be made to a woman's privacy rights so that her unborn child would be protected from being ripped apart by sharp instruments or from chemicles that burn the baby to death. Our government should be able to spy in order to protect us from our enemies. Anything obtained other than information pertaining to national security should be unconstitutional, and should be protected. Some will be silly and ask, "What is national security? Does speaking out against the government constitute a security risk?" Again, I am fine with the boggers wasting everyone's time by asking these questions over a Cappucino at Starbucks with their friends but please step aside and let people with common sense handle this. National security is concerned with stopping people from killing us and breaking our stuff in such a way as to cripple or destroy our country. Disagreeing with President Bush or Senator Hillary Clinton and voicing such disagreements is so obviously not a matter of national security. If you wish to tell your friend that you think Hillary Clinton's hair looks ratty or that George Bush's diction sounds uneducated you have nothing to worry about. But if you call up your terrorist friends in Afghanistan to ask them what the plan is for you to asisst with a plot detonate a nuclear bomb in our country you should have something to worry about. It is very simple.

When Hezbollah, al qaeda, Iran, and North Korea get nukes - and they will - I hope we know about it BEFORE it is too late. Some people may end up being unnecessarily distressed when the bombs go off and the US government was too busy dinking around in courts rather than spying on our enemies.

Basically the latest (foolish) court decision about the warrantless wire taps provides our enemies with constitutional protections to conspire to kill us and to communicate their conspiracies with one another. Well done!

Lions and Tigers and Bears...in Washington DC

2006-08-18T15:41:00.000-04:00

Wow. Since my last post I've been quite busy. I just returned from Washington D.C. I was visiting a great friend. I left the day after the terrorist plot to blow up ten planes was uncovered. I was expecting security to be crazy and that I'd spend more time in line for security screening than I would spend on the plane. Security was fast. I really didn't spend much time in line at all. I love flying to Reagan National Airport, in D.C. Each time I've flown there we descended and flew in over the Potomac River. I was able to see the Washington Monument and the Capital Building as we descended. The airport is right on edge of the river and its really cool.

It was unseasonably cool in D.C. The night I arrived it was so nice out. We stopped at a cool restaurant that first night and sat outside talking and watching the traffic drive by. The next day we went on a long hike. We walked from what I think might have been the Pentagon area to Reagan National Airport and watched the planes take off and land for a bit. We crossed over the 14th Street Bridge, which is a really cool Bridge that takes you over the Potomac River. We walked over to the Jefferson Memorial and then on to the new World War II Memorial. Wow, the WWII Memorial was very impressive and beautiful. I'll see if I can find a way to get some pictures of it and post them. We walked past the Washington Memorial, past the White House, and then stopped at a really cool bar for a drink. I was starving so we went out to this amazing restaurant called Sweet Water. If I lived in D.C. this would be my favorite restaurant. I had some ribs and a key lime pie.

The next day we went to the National Zoo. Haha, nearly all the animals were napping when we got there. We did manage to see some really cool animals though. We went to this bird exhibit and there was a beautiful Toucan. I love Toucans. We saw a tiger and some gorillas that were awake. Then we came upon a really cool cow at the petting zoo. I love cows. I love the way they look when they chew and I love the way they moo. I especially love the way they taste. The seals and sea lions were the best. They were quite funny to watch. They were so playful. When they got tired they came up out of the water and perched on a large rock.

It was a great trip...just what the doctor ordered. I can't wait to go back. My friend Dave was great. I enjoyed hanging out with him.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

2006-08-04T03:33:00.000-04:00

I've been noticing over the past three years that I am getting really tired. Life is getting dull. I've been getting sick so much over the past few years. I'm grossly out of shape and kinda don't care. I don't really enjoy my dog the way I've enjoyed her in the past. I have been seeing my work as a job and less of a ministry and a passion. My friends have become nearly non-existent to me. It has been a struggle to go to church and to love God. It has been a very long time since I've noticed the beauty of anything. I've grown increasingly worried about money and how little of it I make and how I may not afford to live when I grow too old to support myself. I am really tired physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have spent the past ten years of my life giving, serving, loving, and sacrificing as a response to Christ's gift, service, love, and sacrifice for me. But each of the past three years it has been getting painfully difficult. I need refreshment. I need some rest. I need some encouragement. I need to be loved. I need more of God.

After a prolonged and intense period of great healing and transformation in my life I am becoming painfully aware that I am still damaged, broken, weak, and hurting. I need a breakthrough in my life. I need more of God. I've been so tired the past two years that I've slowly dropped out of life. I feel like I've lost my ability to reach young people and to relate with them. I've lost my ability to relate with my friends (most of whom are too busy to relate with anyway). Lately I've lost my ability to hold my temper in check. I've really blown some major fuses lately. I really need more of God.

The thing is, as negative as all of this may seem, I am blessed. I'm so tired I have nothing left to give except everything I am. I offer myself up to God and cry out for mercy and grace. The most amazing thing is that my Heavenly Father loves to answer cries for mercy and grace. So I cried out to Him tonight. I felt deeply troubled and unable to fall asleep so I started to surf the internet aimlessly. I surfed over to my old church's website. The pastor there used to be one of my closest friends and his son was also one of my closest friends. They have a section on their website with old sermons. As I scrolled down, examining the sermon titles, two of them caught my attention. They were part of a two part series called, "Refueling on the Fly." I decided to give it a listen since I was troubled and unable to sleep.

My former Pastor, Ken, discussed his own struggle with what I'm going through and his ascent from it. At a certain point his wife told him he needed to get a hobby. He decided to take up disc golf. That silly hobby transformed his life. He discovered the outdoors and especially birds. This helped him realize that God created everything for us to enjoy. He mentioned Nehemiah, who brought the Jews who were exiled from their homeland back to Israel. Their homeland was ruined and the Jewish exiles were in deep sorrow, partly because of the immense task of having to rebuild their home and their life. They had enemies and doubters who stood in the way of this rebuilding. They were filled with fear and with sorrow. Nehemiah told them, "the joy of the Lord is our strength."

Ken's life was transformed by following through on his wife's advice to get a hobby. I was a first-hand witness to this. I was in deep depression at the time. I was not attending church. I was barely holding on to my faith. I gave up struggling and just gave in to sin, depression, and to my anger. I have no clue why but Ken started to invite me to join him for disc golf. I somehow knew that disc golf was of huge importance to Ken's life. So I was blown away that he would ask me to play with him. I played with him nearly every week for about two years during the warmer months. We would even venture out to play during the winter on milder days. Ken's renewed enjoyment of life soon rubbed off on me and I began to enjoy life again. Unlike Ken, I didn't really care about the birds. I fell in love with the game of disc golf. It changed my life. While Ken learned how to enjoy life through birds, I learned to enjoy people. Ken was the first older person who I felt comfortable with besides my own family. We had deep conversations. I couldn't believe someone older than me took the time to play a game with me and to listen to what I had to say. It was therapeutic. He began to invite others to join us on Sunday afternoons. I soon learned to enjoy them as well. Eventually I realized that people weren't all bad and after turning down dozens of invitations to go to Ken's church I finally went. I began to realize that God wasn't this angry God who was punishing me for the sins of my parents. The height and width and depth of God's love (still a mystery to me while very real at the same time) hit me and captured me and has never let go.

I am a competitive person and a bit of a perfectionist (not in every aspect of life though). I started going to the park to play disc golf to "practice" by myself. This was a major step for me. I hate being alone. I felt very uncomfortable at first. I soon came to enjoy the quiet, the sun, the blue sky, the deer, the shade, the dried up pond at Hudson-Mills Metropark, the other disc golf players out on the course, and my conversations with God as I played.

My faith and my life flourished. I became a member of Ken's church. I became active in youth ministry. I had a very active social life. I was enjoying life immensely. The church was growing, and the core group of people were strongly invested in building community with one another. But it didn't last. Building community ceased to be important. People became preoccupied with their jobs, and nobody had time for anyone anymore. The church began a huge project to plant a new church and Ken stopped playing disc golf with me. My other regular disc golf partners also stopped playing. I stopped playing disc golf regularly because nobody ever wanted to play anymore and there was no need for me to "practice."

I no longer enjoy life like I did four to six years ago. I am tired. Things aren't all bad. I have a renewed love for my ailing mom and a desire to serve her in the midst of her suffering. I have a renewed desire to help people encounter the transforming love of God. I have a strong desire to join the priesthood although I fear that I am too broken and am not a good enough person to become a good priest. I have a deepening desire to offer my life fully to God in a life of service to Him even if it is not within the vocation of the Priesthood. I struggle frequently with the notion that my efforts over the years have not resulted in the kind of fruit I hoped for. For a time this struggle has caused me to want to give up. Lately this line of thinking has been causing me to feel like trying harder and to press in closer to God. I would like to get more involved in my church but have no idea where to get started. I have many ideas of how I could help young people but I have no support, no energy, and no ideas on how to get started. I feel like there is so much worth doing and that there are so many ways I could help make a difference but feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the task, overwhelmed by discouragement, overwhelmed by weariness, overwhelmed with frustration, overwhelmed by the isolation and loneliness that stems from my childhood, overwhelmed by financial constraints, and overwhelmed by my weaknesses and flaws. I am overwhelmed but I am not crushed. I am tired but I am not dead. I am discouraged but not hopeless. I am sometimes lonely but not alone. I am weak but He is strong.

I just need to find the joy again. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I don't really know what it will take for me to enjoy all that God created. I'm trying. I used to love storms. The other night I actually sat out on my porch watching the sky for storms that were predicted. I haven't gone outside to enjoy an oncoming storm in years. The storm never came. I used to enjoy reading for pleasure. I went to the bookstore to get a book that caught my interest. I couldn't find the book anywhere. I haven't listened to a CD in a very long time. I'll listen to a song here and there but I can't remember the last time I listened to an entire CD. I went to listen to one of my favorite CD's. I opened the case and the CD was missing. I used to enjoy grilling food outside on the grill. I can't afford to grill right now. I used to enjoy going to Cedar Point with some of the guys from camp. I can't afford to go and probably am too big to fit on the rides anyways. I used to enjoy playing disc golf with my friends from church. I can't really afford the gas to drive out to Hudson Mills and my old disc golf friends are too busy to play anymore. I really enjoyed camp this year but am feeling too tired to continue to do it and feel like I am losing my ability to change the lives of young people. I feel like I am standing in ruins. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;

my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.

They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me.

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

- Portions of Psalm 40

Ken's sermon comforted me and reminded me of how God transformed my life through joy several years ago. I'm going to listen to part II tomorrow to see what practical suggestions he had for refueling. Lord knows I need some refueling.

I was able to have lunch with two great friends today. We talked and laughed and I really needed that. Despite losing my temper over some rather small things at camp I thoroughly enjoyed camp. I always enjoy the kids at camp. They are the reason I do camp. I love watching them have fun and I especially enjoy watching them discover the love of the Father. To be honest, the staff at camp has been the difficult part of camp for me in years past. This year was different. This year was the first year as camp director that I completely enjoyed the staff. I still got upset over some minor things, but unlike previous years, those minor things did not interfere with my enjoyment of the staff, who did an amazing job by the way.

This entry is way too long. Sorry. It is also one of my most personal entries. I am tired. I am in need of prayer. I am in need of refreshment. I'll bet everything I have that God will provide. The life God is calling me to is definitely worth the struggle and I will carry on.

Squirting Thai Iced Tea Out of My Nose

2006-07-14T22:48:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow I head out for camp. I don't know if I am any good at camp directing but I really enjoy it. I get to work with the best people in the world. I get to serve the best kids in the world. I get to serve my Savior and my God. I get to laugh a lot, cry a little, get really really tired, and really really slap-happy late at night. I get to preach the Gospel, sing great worship songs with a bunch of guys, and watch about 100 people fall in love with God again. I get to play mind games on the campers, put on a huge scale team-building and leadership training game, and spend a lot of time laughing.

Tonight I worked all day long after working all day long for about 2 weeks now. Two nights ago I had so much work to do that I skipped sleeping and worked for 2 days straight. So when we were nearly finished and went out to dinner we went to this really good Thai restaurant. I had some amazing pork dish that tasted incredible. We were so silly during dinner. At one point my camp administrator said something really funny as I sipped some Thai iced tea from a straw and then I had to fight really hard to not spit the tea out as I laughed. He started laughing really hard which made me laugh harder and then tea flew out of my nose! Oh man, I haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. Good times.

Please pray for the camp. Pray that God's mercy fall upon the guys and fill their hearts and draw them closer to Christ. Amen!

Farewell to Ben Wallace

2006-07-09T00:54:00.000-04:00

The Chicago Bulls decided to offer Ben Wallace so much money he couldn't refuse the offer. Ben is one of my favorite players but I don't even think he was worth what the Pistons offered him (about $10 million less than the Bulls). Granted he is one of the best rebounders and shot blockers in the game right now, his stats in rebounds and blocked shots have gone down in each of the past few years. He is very limited in what he can contribute on offense. He is also 32. I think the Bulls are going to be stuck with an untradeable player with a huge salary which will hurt their salary cap.

The Pistons filled the spot by getting free agent, Nahr Mohammed. Uh...ok, whatever. Soft player, not really worth what we offered him. It is unfortunate that Joe Dumars felt like he had to just throw whatever he could into Ben's place. If the Pistons would have held on to Darko, this might have been his opportunity to make something of himself for the Pistons.

There is talk that the Pistons may offer Chucky Atkins a contract. I like Chucky but I'm not sure the Pistons are going anywhere next year without the defensive game they made popular. We'll soon see.

The New and Improved Pine Hills

2006-07-05T07:59:00.000-04:00

School is over and I'm neck deep in camp preparations. Hard to believe I've been the director for nearly ten years. I've been out to the new camp a couple of times now. The last time I went we began planning where we will have each event. I am really excited about the new place. It should be another tremendous year of camp. I am most excited about what God wants to do. The theme for camp this week is from Psalm 23, "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life." I'll have more to say about the theme later, but part of it is about my previous post about Divine Mercy.

We renamed some of the places at the new camp site. Some of their cabin names were just too corny to use. Additionally, we wanted to bring some of our tradition (now that we have over 20 years of it) to the new place. So we named several locations at camp after some key people from the past. We couldn't honor every single key person. I'll have to put some thought into ways to do that.

We just had a staff training session today. Wow, what a great group of guys...and a very funny group of guys, too. I think every person has a great sense of humor, a great sense of purpose and mission and a great grasp of where kids are today.

Last year was a great year of camp but I really had to strain to do the job. I was not as excited about it as I normally am. Everything took great effort on my part until I actually got out to camp. This year, the thrill is back, and I have been having a great time doing camp prep.

I overhauled one of the big games we do at camp, called "Conquest." I created the game to make some of the leadership and team-building exercises that we've done more fun for the kids. There are two phases to the game. The first phase lasts four days (2 hours each day). The second phase, and arguably the most exciting part of the game, lasts 1 day (2 hours). Most of the changes won't be noticed at first. It's sorta like taking a video game and giving it a new engine and making a few tweaks to the game. You don't really notice much until later. In a sense, I did give the game a new engine. I overhauled the "nuts and bolts" of the game to allow greater efficiency and the possibility of cool additions to the game in the future. I made some minor tweaks which should result in a more exciting experience for the campers. I'm eager to see how well the game works, especially at the new site. It took me nearly 20 hours of work to get the game the way I want it so I will be upset if the tweaks don't improve the game. Unfortunately, I only worked on the first phase of the game. Phase II may not be as exciting as it was in years past because I worked with a partner to make that part of the game really sweet. I am not kidding when I say it was really sweet. It just plain rocked. But my friend who worked with me to plan and execute the 2nd phase of the game is not able to come out to camp this year. The good news is that the work I did on phase 1 this year will allow me to focus much more time and energy on phase 2 in coming years.

God is good! I worked really hard this week and enjoyed every minute of it. Hopefully next week will be more low key. I probably put in about two 18 hour days, two 16 hour days, and two 12 hour days this week. It would be nice to have a few evenings to relax, play some Guild Wars or Counterstrike, play the guitar some, and read a book or two.

I can't wait to see what God chooses to do at camp this year. And I really hope the kids have a lot of fun.

The Path of Divine Mercy

2006-04-25T22:01:00.000-04:00

"... man en route toward the source of all good and toward his fulfillment. By placing his entire being on this path, his body, his soul and his intelligence, man reveals himself in search of God, and a pilgrim to eternity."

-Pope John Paul II

God is the source of all good. Contrary to what many believe, this world is not the source of all good. Exciting experiences are not the sources of all good. People are not the source of all good. Entertainment is not the source of all good. God the Father, Creator of all that is seen and unseen, is the source of all that is good. I wish I would remember this more. I wish I would remember it when I seek goodness in created things, rather than in the Creator. This is not to say that created things lack good. On the contrary, many created things are good because their Creator is good, and He chose to create them for our enjoyment. The problem is when we begin to live our lives as though our life's journey is en route to these created things. The problem is when we seek to find fulfillment and joy in these created things. I wish I would keep this in mind when I am feeling stressed, unhappy, tired, and restless or even distant from God and from friends and family. I wish that rather than seeking to find life and joy and comfort in the things of this world I'd look to God.

How great it is when we place our lives, our entire lives, on this path toward the source of all good. I hope and pray that I will take the grace to place my body, soul, and mind on this path. It takes faith to surrender body, soul, and mind entirely to God. Lord please forgive my unbelief. Lord help my unbelief. Help me to trust you more each day with my body, my soul, and my mind.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

- Romans 12:1

Help me to surrender my body to you when I am tired and would rather rest. Help me to surrender my body to you when serving you and others is physically unpleasant. Let me fall so deeply in love with you that I would gladly offer my body in your service, just as you offered your body by sacrificing it on the Cross for me. Create in me a pure heart and let me take hold of the grace to be more obedient to you.

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." - Deuteronomy 4:29

Help me to offer my soul more fully to you. Open my heart and my eyes more to see the need to place my soul into your care by spending more time with you, by receiving the sacraments more often, by praising you more often, by seeking you with all of my heart, by praying even when I don't feel like it, by singing to you even when I don't feel like it, and by letting my soul's hunger and thirst drive me into your arms.

"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

Help me to place my mind upon the path that leads to the sourse of all goodness by granting me the wisdom to guard what I think about. Help me to make better decisions about what I read, what I watch on TV, and who and what I listen to. Help me to understand when I accept the foolishness of the world as wisdom, which I do too often. Help me to see people the way you see them and to think the thoughts you have about others. Give me more grace to keep my thoughts on heavenly things, rather than on worldly things.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." - Matthew 7:12-14

These were the words of Jesus, my Savior. There are many who would say that this saying of Jesus is harsh and frightening. I say it is the opposite. Here, he is sharing the way of divine mercy. He is letting all who have ears to hear know that there is a better way than the way most of us are choosing. Here, he lets us in on a divine secret rather than keep it to himself. Here, he lets us know that there is hope. The small gate and narrow road lead to life. Many have found the wide gate and broad road that leads to destruction. We find destruction when we seek life apart from God. We find destruction when we accept the foolishness of this world as wisdom. We find destruction when we choose the fleeting contentments of this world rather than the true peace that God offers through Jesus Christ. We find destruction when we settle for shame, guilt, discouragement and despair that results from our imperfections rather than accept the loving mercy of Jesus who offered himself up as a sacrifice for our sins.

This saying of Jesus is divine mercy at it's best. This is an announcement from Heaven to all who will hear. Jesus tells us that the road that many of us are on is going to result in destruction. He is warning us that we need to stop, change course, and take a different path. He knows that many will think of him as silly and ignore him. He doesn't care that many will laugh at his wisdom as foolishness. His love for us compelled him to speak up and say something that makes many uncomfortable.

This saying of Jesus is divine mercy at it's best because while he give us some bad news - that many are on a road that is leading to destruction - he gives us good news. The good news is that there is another way. There is a gate. It is small and the road is narrow. Oh how I pray that we take this narrow road that leads to life.

There was once a man who walked along a narrow road which led to a hill. He was crucified on that hill. He was an innocent man. Never in his life did he ever do anything even remotely wrong. He is the son of God. He is God's word to us. He lived with God in Heaven.

Jesus, "... being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." - Philippians 2:6-11

Jesus walked that narrow road for us as a free gift to us because he loves us. If we bow our knees and confess him as our Lord, if we surrender to him out of faith in his sacrifice for us, we will find the grace to follow him. He will give us strength when we are weak. He will give us rest when we are weary. He will give us hope when we are discouraged. He will feed us when we are hungry and give us drink when we are thirsty. Jesus will walk with us, step by step, along the narrow road until we find our true home.

Please Lord, let me have the faith to surrender my life fully to you and to trust you with all that I am to lead me home. Forgive my unbelief and give me more faith. Help me to keep Heaven before me in my thoughts, in my words, and in my deeds. Thanks be to God!

"I've walked down a road where the devil's been

Where the kid's have seen things they should never have seen

And the ancient stone knows the deeper tale

About a bloody game, they called the holy war

Heaven is my home and there'll be no shame

I've walked down a road where the angels been

Where the kids have seen things that we never have seen

And the ancient stone knows the deeper tale

About a bloody king who won the holy war

Heaven is my home and there'll be no shame to bear"

- Song by Delirious?

Heaven is Before Me

2006-04-22T13:51:00.000-04:00

St. Francis de Sales once said, "Resolve from now on to keep heaven before your mind, to be ready to forego everything that can hinder you or cause you to stray on your journey there."

How easy it is to lose sight of goals and get lost along the way. How easy it is to notice the world's attractions and the human desire to fill emptiness with just about anything. How easy it is to forget that we are on an important journey that will affect our eternal destiny. The things we do matter. How proud we are to think that we can handle sin and worldliness.

Jesus tells us, in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 7 verses 12-14, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Which gate do you choose today? When faced with a decision to choose to love Jesus or to love yourself more than Jesus, which gate will you choose? I pray that today I choose the narrow gate. I pray that no matter how tempting the broad, easy road is, I will choose the narrow, hard road. Jesus walked a narrow, hard road to the cross to save us from our sin.

The Gospel of Matthew 16-24-25 tells us that Jesus said "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

Lord I pray that rather than choosing my life on my terms, that I'd choose your life on your terms. I pray that I would never lose sight of the life you offer. Please give me the grace to choose your ways and your life over my ways and the life the world offers. Amen

A few personal updates:

1. I am not sure I am called to the Priesthood and have decided to wait another year to seek God and discern my vocation.

2. I am looking for a place to live next fall. Pray that I find an affordable place to live that is closer to work than where I currently live.

3. My work doesn't offer dental insurance and I have had a toothache for awhile.

4. I am most thankful to Jesus Christ, my Savior for dying in my place to pay for my sinfulness. Happy Easter!!

Days Like This

2006-03-16T15:45:00.000-05:00

Days like today make me wonder if I'm wasting my time. Somewhat discouraged. Doesn't seem like anything I do makes a difference. Part of me wants to quit trying to make a difference.

Thank God for times like this which humble me and cause me to cling tighter to Him. Thank God I remember that life comes, not from making a difference, but from God and God alone. Still, it would be nice if something I do matters. Regardless of whether my effort seems to matter, I will remain faithful to God. I will not give up.

Starting to wonder if I'm not called to do this anymore. Maybe it is really time for a change. Maybe it is time to move on to other things. I've been feeling this way for a couple years now. I will do whatever God wants me to do.

A Proud Coach Asks More of His Team

2006-01-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

I coach an 8th grade boys' basketball team. I'm not a great coach by any means but my boys are a great team. They work so hard without complaining. I have tremendous respect for them. I can't help respecting them because they are incredibly hard workers. They are also very talented. When I think of talented teams I think of the Lakers with Kobe and Shaq, Karl Malone and Gary Payton - extremely talented but not hard workers, and not a team. The Pistons, without an all-star, with hard work, beat that Lakers team in the NBA finals two years ago. But my team has talent and hard work, and they play as a team.

Today one of my reserve players who generally doesn't get a lot of playing time made an incredible shot at the end of the game. One of my best players ran out and made a big deal about the incredible shot. I'm so proud of how they work as a team, how they work to overcome challenges, and how classy they've been. They are also a ton of fun to hang out with. I'm an old fart who is somewhat demanding in basketball practices, yet they seem to enjoy having me talk to them and joke around with them.

There is something inspiring about watching people work very hard at something. I'm so glad they've embraced the ideal of hard work without complaining and without quitting. These guys are going to go somewhere in life. Watch out!

Having said all that, there is one thing which is far more important than any of this. When they stand before God to give an account of their lives, to whom will their hearts belong? I'm truly happy to have such a great basketball season and to be able to be a part of their lives. But what I really want is for each of them to know how much God really loves them, and to respond to that love by loving God with all their hearts. Basketball is a great sport and hard work is such a great part of human character, but none of that matters if their hearts do not belong to God. Nothing really matters unless our hearts belong to God.

You may be the most successful person in whatever field you are in but it does not matter one bit unless your life is in God's hands. Apart from God, anything we commit our lives to is meaningless and a big waste of time. Apart from God, there is no point in anything. Apart from God, winning basketball games take on much greater importance because it gives us something to focus on instead of the emptiness of meaningless existence.

To my boys who take the time to read this: you guys are awesome not because you're so sweet at basketball, but because of who you are - sons of God. You're also awesome because you are truly wonderful human beings that I care for and enjoy very much. Choose Jesus and get to know him as much as you've worked at getting to know basketball this season. When you get knocked over by sin and by your weaknesses and your flaws, get back up and live your lives with purpose; as sons of God.

P on 3!

Criminal Justice and Other Stuff

2006-01-18T16:15:00.000-05:00

This morning I heard a commercial for a company that specializes in career training. The commercial stated that "criminal justice is one of the fastest growning careers in the United States." I thought this was a sad and frightening statement. Why is everyone going to jail? I pray that I never go there.

I recently saw a "stand-up comedy act" where a famous "comedian" (I didn't find him very funny) made fun of everyone who has religious beliefs. It was clear that not only was he an athiest but he is angry with those of us who believe. Why so angry? I am not angered by his lack of belief. I pray that he will believe someday but there's no need to be angry over what people believe. He was basically saying that anyone who believed in God or the Bible are complete fools. While I support his right to decide that for himself, he cannot make that decision for others. We all need to decide this for ourselves.

If one chooses to believe in God it should affect the way one lives his life. If it has no impact on his life, then his belief is no different than the devil's belief. The devil believes in God more than any of us do since he has seen and spoken to God. To believe in God should result in a love for God. To believe in God should result in total surrender of our lives to God. Treating God like an encyclopedic fact (division is one of the four functions of mathematics) and nothing more is not faith, and does very little good.

Pneumonia

2006-01-13T01:11:00.000-05:00

I somehow managed to get pneumonia. Its not as bad as I imagined it would be but its definitely the most unpleasant struggle of my life. I've been off work all week and I really miss my students. I'm sure they don't miss me all that much but that's ok. I definitely miss them. I miss sharing the love of Christ with them each day. I miss their humor and their personalities. Oh well, hopefully I'll be back soon.

I did go coach the other day. That was tough for me. I was drained by the time I arrived. We had to set up for the game. The younger team had to play first. Then it was our turn. Our team is 5-0 now. We won our game the other night. It has been a lot of fun watching them grow as a team. They began the season as a very impatient, emotional team that found way too many ways to throw bad passes or to take the wrong shots at the wrong times. They have grown patient and more emotionally mature (in a game sense), and have learned to pass the ball well and to take smart shots. They are a really good team. Its a lot of fun.

More importantly than that, they are good kids. I try really hard to reach them, to get through to them and let them know that I really care about them as people, not just as basketball players. But I don't think they either get it or they don't really care. I struggle with the temptation to give up when people don't care about things. I feel useless and worthless. But that's just how I feel. What I know is quite different. What I know is that it doesn't matter if they care, or even if I care. What matters is that God cares. What I know is that with God all things are possible. What I know is that even if I am right and they don't really care, they are such awesome people that they are definitely worth the effort and the prayers. They are great kids with great hearts and with great futures. I just wish that for once, I could make a difference and affect the lives of people for good, and for God.

I don't just feel this way about my basketball team. I feel this way about all my students, all my friends, and all the people I know. God please let me see how I can affect those I know. Please let me make a difference. Please allow my life to be useful. I'm sick and can't do much, but I can pray. So I pray for every person I know. Please draw them to yourself. Please address their doubts and restore faith. Please bring light where there is confusion. Please bring them encouragement and peace to those who are troubled and heartbroken. Please awaken those who are asleep and don't realize that they were born into a battle, not a game. Please heal the blindness that prevents us from seeing our sinfulness and our need of you. Please get us home to You in Heaven safely. Please.

What I want for Christmas and Forever

2005-12-04T22:53:00.000-05:00

"FATHER,... this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." - John 17:3

These are very encouraging words. It would be really easy to think that the verse should read something like "FATHER,...this is eternal life, that they may live free of sin." It is easy to think that this is the real means of eternal life because this is what religion causes us to think. Religion can be a hopelessly impersonal, sterile, black and white, rigid, and a truly futile attempt to appear holy. There is authentic Christianity and there is a lifeless form of Christianity. The lifeless form of Christianity is the way of the flesh; we strive to be like Christ even if Christ is far from our hearts and minds so that we appear to be Christ like in a religious sense. Authentic Christianity is life-giving. It is the life of God within us. It is Christ in us. It is real.

It is often so hard to truly love God. It is so hard to obey God. It is so easy to stumble and fall, to lose our way. Our hearts are restless, and hungry. The world has so much to distract us from the hunger and the pain that comes from not truly giving our hearts to God. We try to feed the hunger with the things of this world but the things of this world are not eternal. The things of this world lead our hearts further and further from the heart of Jesus. The world is not bad. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son to save the world. But the world cannot save. The world will not last. The world is not God.

It is so easy to be materialistic. Christmas is all-too-often about getting stuff. Work is all-too-often a means of obtaining stuff, rather than a vocation to be used by God to bless the world. School is a means to increase one's salary and status rather than a means to bless the world. Prestigious jobs and positions are often a means of getting what one wants rather than a means of blessing the world. The world we live in is not bad but it is backwards. To buy into the wisdom of the world is to buy into a way of thought and life which will lead us away from God simply because the best that the world has to offer is not God.

God has much to offer. We take for granted so much what God has to offer. If God gives a man a great mind it can be used to bring hope and light and life to those in darkness, who are hopeless and who are lifeless. If God gives a man good health it can be used to serve those who are truly in need. God's desire is that none of us should perish and suffer hell. God is merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in love. All God has for us is His best. And so he came down from his throne in Heaven and became a baby. He was born in a barn where animals were kept. From throne room to barn, from his baptism until his death on a cross, He humbled Himself to love us, to serve us, and to save us.

Jesus prayed, "Father,... this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent." If Jesus prayed that we may know God, then we may know God. If Jesus prayed that we may know God then God eagerly awaits our knowledge of Him. He does not want us to merely know of Him. He wants to be more than a myth or a fable that teaches morals and gives us warm feelings. He wants to be more than cognitive awareness. He doesn't want to be known in the same way that one can know about something they read about in an encyclopedia. He does not want to be known in a distant, cold, factual manner, much like one can know about a great uncle or great grandfather. He is not a character in a book. He is the one true God and He wants us to know Him as a friend, as our Father, as our Savior, as our Counselor, as the Spirit of Truth, as Immanuel (God with Us), and as our God.

To know God means that we speak with Him and He with us. We can tell Him what is on our hearts and our minds. We can tell Him when we are joyful. We can tell Him when we are angry. We can tell Him when we are worried. We can tell Him we are sorry. And He has much to say to us when we are joyful, angry, worried, and sorry. Even when we feel indifferent, even cold toward Him, we can tell Him and He will listen, and He will care. What Father wouldn't try to do whatever is within His power to love His children and to provide for them?

To know God who loves us the way He loves us is not religion. It is relationship. It is real. To know God who loves us the way He loves us will affect our lives. It will sustain us in difficulties. It will draw us closer to Him because to know God in this way is to realize that we have nowhere else to go but toward Him. To know God is to understand that the world He made for us (and all that is within it) is good but it will not sustain us; it will not give us hope; it will not fill the emptiness; it will not save us; it will not last forever. To know God is to understand that no matter what we have done He still loves us and longs for us to love Him back. To know God is to know our greatest friend, our greatest hope, our greatest joy. To know God is to overcome. To know God is to live victoriously and powerfully as His beloved. To know God is to know His favor.

It sometimes seems so hard to get to know God. Church can be boring. Prayer can be difficult. Scripture reading can be tedious and even boring. Self-discipline is a major obstacle to knowing God. The pace of life can make it difficult to make time for God. Our affections for the things of this world and for sin can make it difficult to remember the One who died for us.

But do not forget the prayers of a righteous man who lived and died for us. He prayed that we would know the Father. He could have prayed that we would know eternal life through living perfect lives. But He knew that would be the way the world sees things; and that the world has it backwards. We cannot hope to live better lives apart from God. To overcome we must know the One who overcame. We must know God in order to perfect our lives. Just as Jesus asked His Father that we would know Him, we may ask that we can know God.

It may not be easy to get to know God but it is definitely worth the struggle. Never give up seeking God. No matter how many times we fall and fail, get right back up and try again. Anything that is worthwhile is worth struggling to obtain. I want to know God so much that He becomes my treasure. He is a great treasure. He is worth selling all I have in order to have Him.

Please consider praying with me: I want to know You. I want to see your face. I want to know you more. I want to touch you, I want to hear your voice. I want to know you more. Forgive my lack of faith. Give me faith. Forgive my lack of discipline. Give me discipline. Forgive my lack of love. Give me love. Forgive my selfishness. Give me a heart of compassion for others. Forgive my pride. Let me be humbled by your humility. Lord help me to stand and to not fade away.

To know God is to surrender all that we are and all that we have. This is the response to knowing God.

I Dare You To Move

2005-11-19T20:13:00.000-05:00

"Welcome to the planet. Welcome to existence. Everyone's here. Everyone's here. Everybody's watching you now. Everybody waits for you now. What happens next? What happens next? I dare you to move. I dare you to move. I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor. I dare you to move. I dare you to move like today never happened. Today never happened..."

-Switchfoot

"There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. - Luke 15:11-24

I don't know who I've become. I love God yet I don't do what I ought to do. I love God yet I do what I shouldn't do. I don't want to offend my Savior. I don't want to disobey my Father in Heaven. But I am selfish and weak willed and constantly find myself neck-deep in the stench of my sinfulness. I've broken my Savior's heart countless times. I've troubled the One who came from His Holy place in Heaven and dwealth amongst us; born in a barn where cattle lived. I've treated my incredible inheritance from God as though it is worthless. God please forgive me for being so shallow; forgive me for caring more for selfish desires and plans than for you; forgive me for my lack of patience and kindness for others; forgive me for the terrible thoughts that come to mind, which I allow to dance there and entertain me; forgive me for falling short of the mark you've set for me.

I went to confession today. What an incredible grace Jesus left for us. I realized some things about myself recently that I wasn't proud of. I thank God for revealing my heart to me so that I can offer it to him. Last weekend I was really unhappy about what I saw. I don't know who I've become lately.

"The tension is here between who you are and who you could be; between how it is and how it should be." -Switchfoot

I don't want to fade away. I don't want to grow weary and fall behind. I don't want to lose my way and wander aimlessly. I want to be who I was made to be. I want my life and the lives of everyone I encounter to be what they should be. So today I moved like "today" never happened. I got myself up off the floor and stood strong like the son of God that I am.

Mercy is an incredible thing. And my Father in Heaven was pleased with me for coming back to Him.

Maybe redemption has stories to tell. Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell. Where can you run to escape yourself? Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go? Salvation is here! - Switchfoot

Hallelujah! Salvation is here. Fact is, none of us can really lift ourselves up off the floor without assistance. We can't be holy and righteouss on our own. We need God to come lift us up off the floor.

"When it is a question of a sinner He [God] does not merely stand still, open His arms and say, "Come here;" no, He goes forth to seek, as the shepherd sought the lost sheep, as the woman sought the lost coin. He goes- yet no, He has gone, but infinitely farther than any shepherd or any woman. He went the infinitely long way from being God to becoming man, from being exulted to being crucified, and that way He went in search of sinners." - Soren Kierkegaard

Do you find yourself a long ways from who you were meant to be? Have you stumbled and fallen into sin? Is your heart far from God? I dare you to move. I dare you to get on your knees and tell Him you miss Him. He's right there beside you. He has never left you. Salvation is here!

God and Basketball

2005-11-11T20:44:00.000-05:00

Basketball started today. My team is sweet and the guys on it are not only great athletes but they are great guys too. I don't know too many teachers/coaches who can say that they really enjoy being around their kids but I honestly can say that I do.

I had such a great day today. I got to go to the chapel for Adoration twice today. I wasn't really in the mood to go but once there I decided to make the most of it and really am thankful for all that God has done for me.

I went to the chapel with my religious education class. I hope my students are learning to love and appreciate God more. I pray that they would have eyes to see and ears to hear the truth and the Gospel. I pray that they convert more deeply and surrender more of their lives to their Father in Heaven.

I sometimes feel like I bore them out of their minds. Please, Lord, don't let me be a hindrance to them. Please don't let me be in the way. Don't let me bore them with useless information and encyclopedic facts. Instead allow me to be an instrument of your love, your hope, and your grace. Let them see their hunger and their thirst for you and respond freely. Help me to convince them that you are a great treasure worth having.

Please don't let me feel like all my efforts are in vain and that I am a failure at reaching out to others with your truth and your love. Please don't let me get discouraged and hyper-critical. Please don't let me focus on how badly or how well I teach them. Instead, let me look to you in all things for what I need and for what I need to do. Fill me with more of the Holy Spirit so that I may be attentive to you and to what you are doing.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. World without end, Amen.

It is well!

2005-11-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul!

This classic hymn brought me great joy while thinking of these particular verses. Since I can't say it better than the author of this hymn I will just simply let the words speak for themselves but please read them over again, picture them in your mind, meditate on them, cherish what it means, and thank God with all your heart.

I'll be updating more regularly now.

God bless

Med Flight

2005-10-20T22:53:00.000-04:00

I went to a highschool football game tonight to watch some of my former students play. One of the guys on their team (not a former student) injured his neck badly enough that they called for a helicopter from U of M hospital to transport him. The doctors on the field (parents of students) were concerned about a bumpy ride to the hospital (Michigan has the worst roads in the world no thanks to the auto industry). I really hope the kid is ok. I prayed for him. I was really sad to see him taken off the field and transported by helicopter. Please pray for him.

1,000,000 MPH

2005-10-19T23:43:00.000-04:00

Life is beginning to settle down for me, and of course, I am now sick. I haven't blogged because I've been working 10-14 hours a day. I've been sick for the past week....downright miserable. I probably should have kept on blogging. I have many cool ideas but I really have to be in the mood to write. How can I put myself in the mood to write? Maybe I should retire from work. The suffering of poverty would certainly create new inspiration but then again, I love my job and hate having too much free time so retirement??? HECK NO!!!

I may have been putting in 14 hour days but I absolutely love it. I'll try to update daily.

God bless!

Search My Heart

2005-09-11T22:35:00.000-04:00

Just when things were starting to look amazing God decided to reveal my heart to me. Last night I realized I really didn't want to go to Mass today. I had a strong inclination to skip Mass. When I woke up this morning I wanted to stay home. My mind continued to rationalize skipping. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home and watch NFL pregame shows and play some counterstike.

It took great effort on my part to force myself to go to Mass. I got in my car and started driving and realized that I didn't like the condition of my heart. It troubled me greatly that I wanted to avoid going to Jesus this morning. How can someone who loves God so much want to avoid Him? How can someone who wants to know God so badly want to do "more important" things like watch TV? Where did my love go? Where did my hunger and thirst for God go? How could I come so close to allowing myself to skip church as though it was some random dull event that wasn't very important?

No, I didn't like who I was this morning. I didn't like who I've become. I didn't like the inappreciative, unloving, thankless, selfish person that I'd become one bit. As I reluctantly drove to church I had a thought that changed everything: the good news. There is good news in every circumstance, every situation, every incident. It may not be obvious; it may be hard to see, but it's there. The good news for me this morning is that while I didn't like who I'd become, and as much as I hated having to FORCE myself to go to Mass (rather than go willingly and joyfully), Jesus loves me. Sounds a bit trite, doesn't it? I suppose it could be trite if you have little understanding of the significance of this. While I was not being as loving as I could be, my Savior still loved me. While I found it difficult to love Him the way that I should, my Father in Heaven remains completely faithful and unrelenting in His love for me. While I found it to be a huge effort on my part to get in the shower, get dressed, and go to church, God, the Holy Spirit gave me strength to love Him enough to shower, dress, and hop in the car to go to church.

I didn't deserve what I received at church today. I guess we never really do deserve it but I certainly felt much less deserving (if there is such a thing as being less deserving of God's closeness, love, friendship, joy, and peace) today. And even though I had no desire to be there He met me there the moment I opened the door and walked in. As I dipped my finger in the Holy Water to sign myself with the Cross I realized (perhaps for the first time) that He is glad I was born and delighted in my baptism. I couldn't believe it. My heart was so far from God as I drove to church. It seemed like the distance between my heart and God would never be bridged, and all it took was a five minute drive and some Holy Water for me to be right back in the palm of His hand.

As we sang Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy) I experienced His lovingkindness and His mercy very powerfully. I listened to the Scriptures as they were read to us. They were about God's mercy. And just before Holy Communion, when we said the words, "Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the words and I shall be healed," I rejoiced that God could love a sinner such as myself.

Where is your heart toward God? Is it far off? Remember that God is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. No matter what you've done, no matter what darkness lingers in your heart, the Light of the World loves you with all of His Most Holy and Sacred Heart. Welcome to existence!

I love my job! Do you?

2005-09-07T22:15:00.000-04:00

I am one of the fortunate ones. Some would say I am a fool for working at a private school, getting paid very little to do a very time-consuming job. I don't see it that way at all.

First of all unlike my public school colleagues, I get to discuss Jesus with my students. I teach Religious Education (horrible name for the class - I dislike religion and prefer relationship with God). There I get to discuss God with my students. We pray together. We make a difference. We will care for the poor together. We will encourage each other. What a joy to take part in what God is doing with them.

Secondly, I get to receive Jesus through Holy Communion with my students and co-workers. Today's Mass was awesome. Mass is celebrated in my classroom, the gym! In addition to teaching Religious Education I also teach Physical Education. The gym is where we celebrate Mass each week. I was drawn so deeply into the heart of mercy today during Mass. I was so captured by the presence and love of God...and this is part of my job!!!!

Thirdly, I am a kid at heart and goof around with the students and the staff not only tolerates it but encourages it. I have received nothing but support, love, and kindness from fellow staff members who probably don't always understand me and what I'm doing but somehow see the hand of God in what I do. The students may not always appreciate how dedicated and devoted the staff is to them and how much the staff really does care for the students but I certainly do notice and appreciate it. I love the people I work with. They are a blessing to me. We don't have office politics which are actually very common in schools. We are not territorial like so many teachers tend to be. We are not guarded and defensive and wounded like so many of our colleagues are in other schools. Despite the claims of many students, the staff loves kids and cares about each student. We are far from perfect. We have things to work on but we aren't political about it and it is a peaceful work environment. Thank you God for this!

Fourthly (if that is a word), the students are amazing people. I have the deepest respect for them. I love speaking with them in classes, in the hallways, before school, after school, and during lunch. I love to make them laugh. I love it when they make me laugh. I love to teach them and I love it when they try to learn. I see the hand of God on each of them. I see Jesus in each of them. I tend to see the good in them rather than the bad. I never find them annoying or an inconvenience. They are important to me and I would do just about anything to help them if they are ever in need.

Finally, since I do care so much about my students, it is a great joy to me that many of my former students keep in touch, visit me at school on their days off, talk to me on IM, and even share meals with me, play computer games with me, and even pray for me or ask me to pray for them. I regularly get to hang out with several of my former students and it is a great source of joy. I have nothing but the highest level of respect for them and for what they are doing with their lives. I am very proud of them.

I know this may sound corny in some ways. I am particularly and painfully aware that my kind words may make some of my former students (and current ones too if any of them read this) feel uncomfortable. I wish it wasn't uncomfortable for them. I wish they would realize they are amazing people made in the image of God; each of them reflecting Jesus in a particular way. Some of them think they are terrible Christians or "bad kids." I have never met a bad kid and I have serious doubts that such kids exist. The ones who think they are terrible Christians are being lied to. They are children of God and loved dearly by God the Father, God, the Son, and God, the Holy Spirit. They are also loved by a middle-aged kid at heart who, like them, often fails to see the good in the things he chooses to do with his life. But he trusts God because God is faithful. God is loving.

I have come to love the life He has given me. I may not make much money but I am one of the most fortunate men in the world. Money isn't everything and unlike many wealthy people, I generally look forward to Monday mornings.

Will you trust God with your life?

Hard Questions

2005-08-29T18:39:00.000-04:00

"ONCE IN A WHILE WE SHOULD ASK ourselves several questions in order to guide our actions. We should ask questions like: Do I know the poor? Do I know, in the first place, the poor in my family, those who are closest to me - people who are poor but not because they lack bread?

There are other types of poverty just as painful because they are more intrinsic.

Perhaps what my husband or wife lacks, what my children lack, what my parents lack is not clothes or food. Perhaps they lack love because I do not give it to them!" - Mother Teresa

Lord, please help me to be more loving, have more compassion, be full of mercy, and be humble always so that I can put others first.

The Greatest Suffering

2005-08-28T19:10:00.000-04:00

"There is much suffering in the world - very much. And this material suffering is suffering from hunger, suffering from homelessness, from all kinds of diseases, but I still think the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

"The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy," she said, "it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, dispair, and hopelessness is love. There are many people in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty - it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There's a hunger for love as there is a hunger for God." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

It is easy to love from a distance... It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve loneliness and the pain of being unloved. It is easier, from a distance, to tell the lonely and the unloved that you will pray for them than it is to get close and truly love. - Me

Instead of simply praying for the unloved and the lonely we should also, and more importantly, pray for ourselves, that we may know the love of the Father. We cannot possibly love unless we have love to offer. God is love. The lonely and unloved need to also pray to God, the Father, but first they need to experience the loving hands of God.

The Church is the mystical body of Christ. We are His hands and his feet. We are the practical expression of love to a lonely and unloved world. Jesus is the lover of our souls, but he is also the sick, the imprisoned, the poor, the orphans, widows, oppressed, and lonely.

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' - Matthew 25:37-45

"LOVE TO BE TRUE HAS TO BEGIN WITH GOD in prayer. If we pray, we will be able to love, and if we love, we will be able to serve... YOU AND I HAVE BEEN CREATED FOR greater things. We have not been created to just pass through this life without aim. And that greater aim is to love and be loved." - Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Come on Church! Lets get on our knees before God and pray. Then lets get up off our knees and love this lonely world.

Pat Robertson and Hugo Chavez

2005-08-24T23:48:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe I am posting with these two names in the same title. But thanks to good ol' Pat Robertson, here we are. Pat Robertson recently said the U.S. should assassinate Hugo Chavez (dictator President in Venezuela) to save money avoiding a war... *blinks my eyes*

riiiiight, well actually I think Pat has a point. The world should not have dictators and semi-powerful thugs named Hugo. That is so pathetic! How can we allow anyone named Hugo to go around intimidating anyone? Think about it! His mom probably called him Hugi or maybe Huey, or possibly Hugogo. You know how humiliating it would be to have Hugi running things down in South America? It's so bad I bet that if the U.S. doesn't assassinate him the Columbian cartel will. There's no way we can have respect in the world if we allow Huey to go around pushing other countries around. Hugo.... it just doesn't have the same ring as Saddam, Osama, and Mohamar. So lets give Pat some credit. He understands the fine subtleties of power and politics.

But on a more serious note, this is not at all surprising to me that the rarely consistent Pat Robertson is out saying stupid things that make all Christians look hateful, unreasonable and unintelligent.

I remember when Pat Robertson announced that satanist rock stars (all rock stars are satanist) and youth culture in general were our greatest threat. Then it was the new-age movement, secular humanism, evolutionists, muslims, liberals, and now Hugo Chavez. I'm not saying that any of these things are necessarily good, but I don't see them as any real threat to the King of Kings and his people.

He is on the same level with Oliver Stone and Michael Moore in terms of ridiculous conspiracy paranoia. Where does Pat get this stuff? It seems he must have read the "Gospel of Jerry Falwell", where it says, "Demonize your enemies." Pat isn't my enemy and I'm not demonizing him here. I'm just pointing out that he goes out of his way to say incredible and inflammatory absurdities with which far too many funamentalists tend to agree.

And so much for being pro-life. I realize the two issues are not the same, but I don't think anyone who is seriously pro-life would ever just flippantly advocate such extreme measures for someone who poses no real threat to the U.S.

Granted, Hugi isn't such a great leader for Venezuela, but there are too many world leaders who make bad decisions who maybe shouldn't be in office. But is it Pat Robertson's role to make those decisions? Do we really need to be, in the 21st century, running back to the ways of the Crusaders, with calls from the clergy to "kill the infadels"? What ever happened to "go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation?"

I can't remember the last time I've heard good news from good ol' Pat.

Work, work, and Pilgrimage

2005-08-23T22:31:00.000-04:00

I worked hard today getting ready for school to start back up. Now that I am a homeroom teacher as well as a P.E. teacher I actually have a classroom to get ready in addition to the gym's equipment room. I helped move the teacher who previously had my room into his new room. He had a lot of stuff.

I have to do a ton of work to be ready for the first day of school next Tuesday. Tomorrow I won't be going in because I am going to look at a possible replacement camp for Pine Hills. I really hope the camp will work for us.

I heard the Pistons got Dale Davis. WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!! (sarcasm). Ok, so he will be the new Elden Campbell. Looks like Michael Finley will sign with the Heat. And it looks like the Pistons will not get that badly needed scorer. This is going to be an interesting year.

Nothing can give us a profound sense of the meaning of our earthly life and stimulate us to live it as a brief experimental state - as can an inner attitude of seeing ourselves as pilgrims. - John Paul II (The Great)

I very much see myself as a pilgrim on a journey toward God. I am in the wilderness of this world and this age, struggling to get through each day, struggling to find meaning in this wilderness. Sometimes I search for "food" and "water" and find that which is not truly satisfying. Lately I've been seeing the body and blood of Christ in Holy Communion as very much like the manna and the water that flowed from a rock, in which God provided for the Israelites as they wandered the desert in their search for the Promised Land that would eventually house The City of God. As I wander through this wilderness, learning that God's provisions are life-giving, and assist me in my journey toward Him, I see that little by little, my attractions to the things of this world (that are not life-giving) are fading away.

It can be quite wearying to wander in this world. One can easily lose focus and purpose. I am finding my purpose in the One who created me, Abba, Father. I guess I am getting a clearer picture of God and my journey toward Him. Knowing that He is attainable; I will see God brings a new joy to the pilgrimage.

It has been very easy to forget that I am on a journey that will either lead me to God or away from Him. When my life is about me I tend to lose my way. When I live life on my own terms, for my own desires, and believing in myself to accomplish what I am doing, I am lost. I've found myself stuck in many traps along the way. I've stumbled and fallen countless times when I've taken my eyes off of the Good Shepherd. I've encountered great and savage beasts that seek to devour lost pilgrims who have wandered away from the protection of the other pilgrims to seek a treasure on my own.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

- Matthew 16:25

What is your life about? What or to whom are you journeying toward? Where do you go to find life when you're feeling empty, tired, bored, restless, lonely, unloved, and homesick ( for Heaven)? Many turn to various distractions, pleasures, people, and thrills to fill the empty voids that can only truly be filled by the One who died on a cross out of love for you.

He eagerly awaits our return to the journey toward Him. I've turned back to Him many, many times as I've strayed from Him. He is not the angry God that we've made Him out to be. He is not like us. He does not hold grudges. He is not vindictive. He is not resentful. All I've ever experienced from God is His love, His kindness, His mercy, and His guidance.

"I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

- Luke 15:7

Join me on the pilgrimage to the New City of God, the New Jerusalem. When Jesus died and rose again, he ascended into Heaven, where he told his followers he would go to prepare a place for them. He promised to return again, to take those who love God to Heaven. Repent, for the Kingdom of God is coming! We don't know the day, nor the hour of Christ's return, but He is coming. Glory to God in the Highest. Amen!

I Want to Be the Biggest Fool I Can Be

2005-08-20T22:23:00.000-04:00

Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise.

1 Cor 3:18

God can often be found in the smallest things, and sometimes nowhere near the big things. The lunch with a friend, playing basketball with some kids, going for a walk, a moment of quiet, have all proven to be where God is often found. There's this group of former students that I tend to hang out with somewhat regularly. I don't always see why God connected me with them but they are a big source of joy for me because looking back I can see that the simple things, the trips to digital ops to play counterstrike, the ribs for dinner, the pizza, the disc golf, have all been small things where God has worked. I think the parents of these guys have mixed feelings about all of this. On the one hand, one guy's mom gets it I think and understands that God often works in these small things. On the other hand, this other guy's mom doesn't seem to get it at all and probably wonders why its so important for her son to go out for lunches, ribs, etc. I've been feeling kinda down about it partly because of an unrelated person misunderstanding me. But I was listening to a song tonight and was reminded why I gave up so much to "be there" for whomever I can be there for. I've decided that I don't care if people understand me, or approve of what I do because I am good at what I do and I love "my kids."

Youth programs don't really work unless there's relationship with the kids you are trying to reach. They need to know that they are cared for, accepted, loved, and part of something. It is a joke to simply put on a highly polished youth program with lots of "good speakers" and retreats without first building relationships. And when many of these so-called good speakers have no idea what kids are really like try to guilt-trip them into a decision to give up this sin or that sin, rather than experiencing the love and mercy of Jesus it makes me angry.

I want to be the kind of fool that nobody understands, but in fact, is doing the will of God. I want to be the kind of fool who sees Jesus in taking a group of kids out to play counterstrike at a gaming center. I want to be the kind of fool who sees Jesus in a kid who has no idea that he or she is priceless. I want to be the kind of fool who treats others with love and kindess while everyone else is being rude and cold and unfriendly. I don't want to be "better" than anyone. I don't want to be "holier than thou." I just want to be a fool who fell in love with Jesus and spends the rest of eternity following him. Because I know how sinful and filthy my heart gets, and I am in love with my Savior who loved me enough to pay the price for my sinfulness. And I'm so sorry for ever trying to live life on my own terms, my own way, apart from God.

Only a Fool

by Geoff Moore and the Distance

Charlie Was A Fool

Did You Hear What He Went And Did?

He Quit His Job, Threw It Away

Gave His Life To A Bunch Of Kids

He Said He Was In Love With Jesus

But His Friends Didn't Understand

He Could've Had It All

But He Just Smiled And Said

That He Already Did.

He Saw The Big In The Small

He Saw The Beauty In The Call

Even When No One Else Approved

He Took The Job Only A Fool Would Do.

Show Me The Big In The Small

Show Me The Beauty In The Call

Show Me The Road That I Should Choose

I'll Take The Job Only A Fool Could Do.

Show Me The Big In The Small

Show Me The Wonder Of My Call

Even When No One Else Approves

I'll Take The Job For Only A Fool

Only A Fool, Only A Fool.

On a Lighter Note...

2005-08-19T01:12:00.000-04:00

There was an article in the Detroit Free Press (online) a few weeks ago about the Pistons considering a trade with Minnesota to acquire Keven Garnett. The article said the Twolves wanted Rasheed and Ben Wallace for KG. Wow, I am so glad that Joe Dumars (Pistons President) did not pull the trigger on that rediculous trade. There's no doubt in my mind that KG would be SWEET to have in Detroit, but you can't give up Big Ben! He's the heart of the team, a very tough defender, and one of the best rebounders. Its incredibly hard to find such a hard working, unselfish player. When you get one as amazing as Ben Wallace you gotta hold on to him!

Don't get me wrong, I love Sheed too. He brought some attitude that the Pistons lacked, and I think at times, he's one of the most unstoppable players in the NBA. I would be sad to see him go, but you gotta hold on to Ben because he brings the defense and rebounding. KG would bring more consistent scoring than Sheed, and much fewer technical fouls. When the Pistons face the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals, they would be much better off guarding the likes of Shaq with Big Ben and KG down low.

Additionally, the Freep claimed the Pistons are considering a move to get a free agent - either Jalen Rose or Michael Finley. I'm all about Michael Finley here unless he wants a rediculous salary. I think he's a more selfless player than Jalen Rose and will fit in better with the Pistons. The Miami Heat are also trying to get him. It would not be a good thing for Detroit if Michael Finley is in Miami next season.

Wow, imagine a starting five of Chauncy Billups, RIP Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, Kevin Garnett, and Ben Wallace with Michael Finley and Antonio McDyess coming off the bench? I also suspect that Carlos Delfino will be much better next season if he sticks around. Alan Houston has been mentioned as a possible free agent acquisition for the Pistons.

Then there's Lindsey Hunter. Lindsey Hunter impressed me this year with his defense. I think he is one of the more underrated defenders in basketball.

Since I brought up Shaq, does anyone else agree that Shaq is the worst skilled MVP in the history of basketball? While I consider him the most dominant player in the NBA, I don't think he is a good basketball player at all. He has no skill! All he has is size. If any one of my eighth grade basketball players were his size they would be 100 times better than he is. All of my kids can shoot free throws significantly better than Shaq. They play team ball better than Shaq. They defend way better than Shaq (move their feet, cover their guys, play hard), they are in much better shape than Shaq, and they have much smaller egos than Shaq. If Shaq would actually work hard at his game I'd respect him. He has so much potential and just throws it away because he doesn't have to work hard to dominate. How sad is that? I'll take Ben Wallace over Shaq any day. I'd rather watch a hard working over-achiever over a huge, lazy underachiever anyday. When I watch Shaq play basketball it bores me. He looks bored when he plays. I've never seen him play with passion. When was the last time Shaq dove for a loose ball or out-hustled someone? When was the last time he ran all out to get back on defense without needing oxygen?

Would I take Shaq on the Pistons if I was the President of the Pistons? Heck no! It was so much better watching "Superman" get knocked down to size a year ago than it would be to cruise through the playoffs on Shaq's back. While he is a superstar, I absolutely do not believe he is even close to being on the same level as the superstars that worked so hard to made the NBA what it is today - Dr. J, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Isaiah Thomas, and Michael Jordan.

The AIDS Question

2005-08-17T19:44:00.000-04:00

This is the last of my posts on artificial birth control, Humanae Vitae, and Church teaching. I started writing on this topic because a good friend asked some great questions about it.

Today I want to state what I believe the Church teaches about the use of Condoms to stop the spread of HIV and AIDS.

Even if condoms were 100% effective in preventing AIDS I believe the Church would argue that it is best to abstain from extramarital sex. Extramarital sex is contrary to the sanctity of marriage. It is detrimental to one’s spiritual welfare as it is a mortal sin. It is also not a good idea to use condoms because they are often used incorrectly, especially where people are poorly educated, where education is not available, and when intoxicating substances are used. Chastity is a virtue to which God calls all persons. God calls us to holiness. One doesn’t go about seeking holiness through half measures, half-heartedness, and through lesser evils. God further calls His Church to call everyone to holiness. We don’t say, “ well he’s not a Christian so it is perfectly fine for him/her to steal things because s/he does not have the same morals. “ The Church has always taught that we should avoid even the near occasion of sin, both mortal and non-mortal sins. So if people choose to participate in sinful activity, such as extramarital sex, they shouldn’t compound the evil by spreading disease, and risking pregnancy outside of marriage.

If we assume that condoms are 100% effective, it would still be inappropriate for the Church and her pastors to push condoms on people engaged in extramarital affairs to stop the AIDS virus. This would be like counseling thieves to stop robbing people, but if they do rob people, they should do it with brass knuckles instead of a gun so that the risk of fatality will be reduced. I would have a very hard time as a pastor encouraging someone to engage in sinful activity “safely.”

Some have blamed the Church’ s teaching on artificial contraception for the continuance and spread of the AIDS epidemic. The problem with this line of thinking is that those who believe this are making the faulty assumption that the people where AIDS is rampant are listening and obeying the Church when it comes to condom use even though they are clearly not following Church teaching when it comes to chastity.

Now, let’s stop assuming (pretending) condoms are 100% effective. They are not 100% effective. Now we have a number of new questions to deal with. Condoms are said (even by condom manufacturers) to be 90% effective under the best conditions. (See Norman HEARST and Sanny CHEN, “Condom promotion for AIDS prevention in the developing world: Is it working?”, Studies in Family Planning (March 2004, vol 35 no 1), pp. 40 ). If I were a pastor I would have a very hard time telling someone to take such a risk. If, for example, we were talking about skydiving, and parachutes were 90% effective under the best conditions, I would have a terribly hard time counseling someone to engage in an activity where the parachute fails to work 10% of the time, and only if you use the parachute correctly, under the best conditions.

When it comes to preventing the spread of AIDS in Africa, condom promotion has not been effective. “ No clear examples have emerged yet of a country that has turned back a generalized epidemic primarily by means of condom promotion." ( See Norman HEARST and Sanny CHEN, “Condom promotion for AIDS prevention in the developing world: Is it working?”, Studies in Family Planning (March 2004, vol 35 no 1), pp. 41. )

There is evidence that condom promotion is counterproductive. Botswana, Zimbabwe, Kenya, and South Africa -- the nations with the highest levels of condom availability -- continue to have the highest rates of HIV prevalence ("The White House Initiative to Combat AIDS: Learning from Uganda," Joseph Loconte, Executive Summary Backgrounder).

Condoms provide a false sense of security. Those who are convinced that condoms make it safe to have sex with no risk continue to engage in, or even increase their risky behavior. Does this not then increase the probability that one will have a condom that fails to protect him/her? It seems to me that the security that condoms provide drops significantly in proportion to the increase in self-destructive behavior. It is no wonder that African countries where condoms are most available have the highest rates of HIV infection.

The most effective means of dealing with the AIDS epidemic in Africa is abstinence programs and working to change social values in favor of chastity. This has been proven effective.

At one time, Uganda had the highest rate of HIV and AIDS infections in the world. In the mid 1980’s their government enacted programs to teach abstinence before marriage and faithfulness to one’s spouse in marriage. Billboards, radio announcements, print ads, and school programs all promoted the virtues of abstinence and faithfulness to one’s spouse to prevent HIV and AIDS.

In 1991 the infection rate of HIV was 15 %. By 2001 it was 5 % . The drop was even more dramatic among pregnant women (as reported by CNS News, January 13, 2003). 21 % of expectant mothers tested positive for HIV in Uganda in 1991. By 2001 the number dropped to 6 % . Compare this with the 2001 numbers from Kenya (15 % ) , Zimbabwe ( 32 % ) , and Botswana ( 38 % ) . These three countries focused on condom distribution and all three countries continued to see rising rates of infection.

Dr. Edward C. Green, an anthropologist at Harvard University School of Public Health was a strong proponent of condom distribution to fight the spread of HIV/AIDS until the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) hired him to study the reasons behind the success in Uganda.

While condom promotion advocates claim the success in Uganda in reducing the infection rate was due to an increased use of condoms, Dr. Green reported that “ reduction in the number of sexual partners was probably the single most important behavioral change that resulted in prevalence decline," ( testimony before the Subcommittee on African Affairs, as reported by Joseph Loconte ) .

“It is a very indicating statement about the effectiveness of condoms ," he told Citizen Magazine. “ You cannot show that more condoms have led to less AIDS in Africa.... I look at the data and I see that what might be called a more liberal response to AIDS – more and more millions or billions of condoms – has simply not worked, especially in parts of the world with the highest infection rate, Africa and the Caribbean."

As reported by Joseph Loconte before the Subcommittee on African Affairs, evidence for the success of Uganda’ s approach has come from “USAID, the Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) , the World Health Organization , the Harvard Center for Population and Developmental Studies, the Ugandan government, and numerous independent studies published in medical journals."

Uganda’s successful approach is very close to that recommended by the Catholic Church. But what about couples where one partner is HIV/AIDS positive? What about couples where one spouse does not know his/her spouse is having affairs?

I do not believe it is reasonable, nor morally acceptable to allow condom use in even these situations. Love requires the total giving of oneself to one’s spouse. This often requires sacrifice. A loving person would never put his/her spouse in danger on purpose. But using condoms is proven to be very dangerous.

Imagine if I wanted to get drunk and shoot a gun off in my house. That is not very loving and it doesn’t become more loving to tell my wife to put on a bullet-proof vest. When an HIV positive person has sex with his/her uninfected spouse that is not loving, it is selfishness.

In these situations, the responsibility of Christians is to stand firmly, as lights in a dark world, and proclaim the truth. We are not called to cave in, compromise the truth, and be hopeless about the capacity of others to receive/respond to the truth. Just before Jesus ascended to Heaven, he said “ All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. “

We are not called to be shy in telling the truth. We are not called to water it down, or even change it so it is more tasteful to others. The good news for Africa is that it is possible to live a chaste life. There is grace for people to live without engaging in sex outside of marriage. There is grace for married couples to remain faithful to one another. There is grace for married couples (where one spouse is infected) to live a celibate life. It is ridiculous to believe that all authority has been given to Jesus and then take a mindset that “these people are going to fornicate and commit adultery anyways so lets give them condoms so they won’t get sick." Where is the faith in that? Where is the good news in that? Where is the sanctification in that? In what way are we making disciples who are obedient to God in that?

To me it looks like the easy way out. It looks like an abdication of duty on the part of Christians to speak the truth and to share the Gospel. It looks like many of us have lost faith in God’s power to love us, to cleanse us, to change us, and to perfect us.

If I were a pastor I would have a very hard time telling people to take the easier road when it is likely to lead to destruction ( of body and possibly eternal life with God ) . I would much rather call others on to the higher road, encourage them and build them up by preaching the good news: Jesus died to save us from all sin and rose from the dead, defeating sin and death. He sent the Holy Spirit to comfort us, to strengthen us, to guide us into all truth, and to empower us to live a holy and virtuous life. It is possible for people to change and grow. I believe that with God all things are possible. I believe that entire countries can repent of their sexual immorality and become holy, virtuous, chaste men and women of God. I believe we can change the culture and social values in such a way that AIDS infection is reduced dramatically, and I believe it can be done without the use of condoms. I believe that people, with God's grace, are capable of using the gift of sex the way God intended it: to grow in love, intimacy, unity, and to have children. I believe God can lead us, guide us, strengthen us, and empower us to live the life to which He has called us.

More Thoughts On Humanae Vitae

2005-08-12T19:38:00.000-04:00

This is going to be lengthy, sorry. Also, I am not an expert on church teaching, contraception, AIDS, and the pro-life movement. I am going to do my best to articulate my points of view on these questions, while doing my best to remain faithful to historical, traditional Christian teachings on these issues. I've taken many ideas and quotes from various websites and have cited many of them but to save time, have not cited every source. This is not intended to be a formal writing, but rather, a hodgepodge of ideas on this topic.

This is largely a response to a good friend's comments to a previoius blog entry, where he said, " a very interesting discussion! i have to say, the catholic church's position on birth control is one where i have a bit of a struggle. from my understanding, birth control is accepted in the catholic church, as long as it's a 'natural' rhythm method, and not artificial. is that correct? if so, the church objects only to the means of contraception, not to contraception itself... "

My assumption upon writing this, is that Christians accept that there is right and wrong, that there is truth, and that Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to guide us into all truth.

When Jesus was speaking to the disciples in John 14 he said, "If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you...All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you (John 14:15-18, 25-26).

Later Jesus said, " But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth (John 16:13). "

Jesus promised to send the Spirit of truth, The Holy Spirit, because He knew that people will come along, claiming to speak the truth, when, in fact, they are speaking lies. Jesus promised that the gates of hell will not prevail against the Church. There are several warnings to Christians about false teachers and prophets in the Bible. One such warning is found in the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 7 verses 15-23.

15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' - Mt. 7:15-23

I am a Catholic convert and therefore, believe that the Catholic Church's teaching on artificial contraception is truth. I believe this about all of the Catholic Church's teachings even though many of the members of the Church have strayed far from the actual teachings, have forgotten the actual teachings, and/or have inappropriately applied such teachings. Catholics and Protestants have MANY misunderstandings and cling to MANY misconceptions about each other. Having been a Protestant all my life until this past year, I believe that Protestant churches, to varying degrees, also have the truth, that they are a blessing to the people of this world in need of a Savior, and that they also have much to offer to Catholic Christians. But I believe the Catholic doesn'th does not merely have truth, it has the fullness of truth. I believe the Catholic Church still believes and teaches what the early Church believed and taught. I believe the Catholic Church is the only church that has not caved in to pressures from within and without to conform to the ways of this world. The Catholic Church holds fast to what the Church has always taught throughout history in matters of faith and morality. The Catholic Church is never going to willingly ordain gay clergy. The Catholic Church is never going to willingly approve of, and support abortion. The Catholic Church is never going to willingly approve of, and support sexual intimacy outside of a marriage between one man and one woman. And, unlike the rest of Christianity (which I believe is in error on this matter), the Catholic Church is never going to willingly change its mind due to public pressure, and suddenly start teaching that contraception is acceptable. If something is morally wrong one day, why would it cease to be morally wrong the next day? Since the beginning of the Church, and notably, since 1930, the Catholic Church alone proclaims the historic Christian position on contraception.

All Protestant denominations were in agreement with the Catholic Church's teaching that artificial contraception is sinful until August 14, 1930. In 1930, at the Lambeth Conference, the Anglican Church, under increasing public pressure, changed its teaching, and allowed contraception for married couples in certain circumstances. Not long after this, the Anglican Church caved in completely, and allowed contraception for married couples for any circumstances! Since 1930, all Protestant denominations changed their teachings on the issue of birth control.

Very strong words were used in an editorial to the Washington Post (March 22, 1931) regarding the actions of churches which changed their teachings on artificial contraception and indicate the general understanding that contraception is evil. "The departures from Christian teachings are astounding in many cases, leaving the beholder aghast at the willingness of some churches to discard the ancient injunction to teach 'Christ and Him crucified.' . . . Carried to its logical conclusion, the committee's report, if carried into effect, would sound the deathknell of marriage as a holy institution by establishing degrading practices which would encourage indiscriminate immorality. The suggestion that the use of legalized contraceptives would be 'careful and restrained' is preposterous."

In the late nineteen century American anti-contraceptive laws were passed by largely Protestant legislatures for a largely Protestant United States. In 1873 a Protestant reformer, Anthony Comstock, persuaded Congress to outlaw the sale and distribution of contraceptive devices in federal territories, and many states followed suit. The body of legislation was called the Comstock Laws and remained in effect in some states until 1965 (Charles Provan, in The Bible and Birth Control). "

Artificial contraception is in conflict with God's laws. The following is the teaching of the Catholic Church on artificial contraception (bold font) as spelled out in the encyclical, Humanae Vitae, along with my commentary (not bold font).

8. Conjugal love reveals its true nature and nobility when it is considered in its supreme origin, God, who is love, "the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named."

Marriage is not, then, the effect of chance or the product of evolution of unconscious natural forces; it is the wise institution of the Creator to realize in mankind His design of love. By means of the reciprocal personal gift of self, proper and exclusive to them, husband and wife tend towards the communion of their beings in view of mutual personal perfection, to collaborate with God in the generation and education of new lives.

This love is first of all fully human, that is to say, of the senses and of the spirit at the same time. It is not, then, a simple transport of instinct and sentiment, but also, and principally, an act of the free will, intended to endure and to grow by means of the joys and sorrows of daily life, in such a way that husband and wife become one only heart and one only soul, and together attain their human perfection.

...this love is total, that is to say, it is a very special form of personal friendship, in which husband and wife generously share everything, without undue reservations or selfish calculations. Whoever truly loves his marriage partner loves not only for what he receives, but for the partner's self, rejoicing that he can enrich his partner with the gift of himself.

this love is fecund for it is not exhausted by the communion between husband and wife, but is destined to continue, raising up new lives. "Marriage and conjugal love are by their nature ordained toward the begetting and educating of children. Children are really the supreme gift of marriage and contribute very substantially to the welfare of their parents."

Marriage is an institution, and a sacrament, given to us by God. It is because of God' s love that we have marriage. Marriage is a total giving of one' s self to another, in which everything is to be shared without selfishness. This total love brings a bond of unity between a married couple (between a man and a woman) unlike any other. Additionally, marriage is also about procreation since " children are the supreme gift of marriage. "

10. Hence conjugal love requires in husband and wife an awareness of their mission of "responsible parenthood," which today is rightly much insisted upon, and which also must be exactly understood. Consequently it is to be considered under different aspects which are legitimate and connected with one another.

In relation to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised, either by the deliberate and generous decision to raise a numerous family, or by the decision, made for grave motives and with due respect for the moral law, to avoid for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period, a new birth.

Responsible parenthood also and above all implies a more profound relationship to the objective moral order established by God, of which a right conscience is the faithful interpreter. The responsible exercise of parenthood implies, therefore, that husband and wife recognize fully their own duties towards God, towards themselves, towards the family and towards society, in a correct hierarchy of values.

In the task of transmitting life, therefore, they are not free to proceed completely at will, as if they could determine in a wholly autonomous way the honest path to follow; but they must conform their activity to the creative intention of God, expressed in the very nature of marriage and of its acts, and manifested by the constant teaching of the Church.

Responsible parenthood is to embrace the gift of sexual union (in marriage) in its fullness. God wants us to " be fruitful and multiply. " It is part of the purpose of our sexuality. Again, it is natural law. God wants married couples to have children. Sometimes responsible parents decide, for what the church describes as " grave motives and with due respect for the moral law " to avoid having children. " Grave motives " do not include materialistic considerations (we will not be able to afford a yacht if we have another child) or personal preferences (I do not really want anymore children). " Grave motives " means that there must be serious reasons not to have more children. One couple elected to have only one child because the doctors discovered that their baby had so many birth defects. Their doctors and many friends and family counseled the couple to abort the baby. The couple chose to go ahead and have the baby and take care of it even though it would need constant care and attention. Their son required so much attention and care that they could not possibly care for another child.

So there are times when it is acceptable to avoid having children, but only in such a way that is in conformity with God's will and with the natural order in which He created us.

11. These acts, by which husband and wife are united in chaste intimacy, and by means of which human life is transmitted, are, as the Council recalled, "noble and worthy,"[11] and they do not cease to be lawful if, for causes independent of the will of husband and wife, they are foreseen to be infecund, since they always remain ordained towards expressing and consolidating their union. In fact, as experience bears witness, not every conjugal act is followed by a new life. God has wisely disposed natural laws and rhythms of fecundity which, of themselves, cause a separation in the succession of births. Nonetheless the Church, calling men back to the observance of the norms of the natural law, as interpreted by their constant doctrine, teaches that each and every marriage act (quilibet matrimonii usus) must remain open to the transmission of life.

12. That teaching, often set forth by the magisterium, is founded upon the inseparable connection, willed by God and unable to be broken by man on his own initiative, between the two meanings of the conjugal act: the unitive meaning and the procreative meaning. Indeed, by its intimate structure, the conjugal act, while most closely uniting husband and wife, capacitates them for the generation of new lives, according to laws inscribed in the very being of man and of woman. By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its ordination towards man's most high calling to parenthood.

13. It is in fact justly observed that a conjugal act imposed upon one's partner without regard for his or her condition and lawful desires is not a true act of love, and therefore denies an exigency of right moral order in the relationships between husband and wife. Likewise, if they consider the matter, they must admit that an act of mutual love, which is detrimental to the faculty of propagating life, which God the Creator of all, has implanted in it according to special laws, is in contradiction to both the divine plan, according to whose norm matrimony has been instituted, and the will of the Author of human life. To use this divine gift destroying, even if only partially, its meaning and its purpose is to contradict the nature both of man and of woman and of their most intimate relationship, and therefore it is to contradict also the plan of God and His will. On the other hand, to make use of the gift of conjugal love while respecting the laws of the generative process means to acknowledge oneself not to be the arbiter of the sources of human life, but rather the minister of the design established by the Creator. In fact, just as man does not have unlimited dominion over his body in general, so also, with particular reason, he has no such dominion over his generative faculties as such, because of their intrinsic ordination towards raising up life, of which God is the principle. "Human life is sacred," Pope John XXIII recalled; "from its very inception it reveals the creating hand of God.

God, in his wisdom, designed natural laws in such a way that there are natural rhythms of the potential reproductive capacity of a person. Sexual union amongst a married couple will not always result in the conception of a new person. This is fully acceptable to God since this is the way He designed us. But we are to always be mindful of natural law and of the Church' s teachings, that " each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life. "

The two purposes of sex, then, are 1) an expression of love, intimacy and union between a married man and woman, and 2) procreation. This is not just arbitrary observations; these are part of natural law. This is the fullness of the gift of sexuality that God has given to us. God, in his wisdom, chose to give us the gift of sexuality as it is. Why would we only take half the gift? To take half of it is to abuse the giver of the gift, and also to abuse the gift itself. The way God made our bodies, and the way in which God instituted marriage as a covenant that should last a lifetime, and the way in which God intends the marriage union to be a union of total love - " by its intimate structure, the conjugal act, while most closely uniting husband and wife, capacitates them for the generation of new lives, according to laws inscribed in the very being of man and of woman. " We do not just choose one or the other of the essential aspects the sexual act between a husband and a wife. It comes as a total package, and is an offense to God to " tear apart " the gift that God, himself, gave to us, keeping only the part that we find convenient, useful, or wanted. " The conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its ordination toward man' s most high calling to parenthood. "

A conjugal act imposed upon one' s partner is not an act of love, and is both contrary to the right moral order established by God, and is also an abuse of the gift of sexual union within a marriage in a way that it harms the relationship between a husband and wife. It is an abuse of one of the two purposes of sex. It is a perversion of the gift of sexual union. In the same way, an act of sexual union which is not open to the " faculty of propagating life " is in contradiction to both the divine plan, according to whose norm matrimony has been instituted, and the will of the Author of human life. " To use this divine gift destroying, even if only partially, its meaning and its purpose is to contradict the nature both of man and of woman and of their most intimate relationship, and therefore it is to contradict also the plan of God and His will. "

14. In conformity with these landmarks in the human and Christian vision of marriage, we must once again declare that the direct interruption of the generative process already begun, and, above all, directly willed and procured abortion, even if for therapeutic reasons, are to be absolutely excluded as licit means of regulating birth

Equally to be excluded, as the teaching authority of the Church has frequently declared, is direct sterilization, whether perpetual or temporary, whether of the man or of the woman. Similarly excluded is every action which, either in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible.

16. To this teaching of the Church on conjugal morals, the objection is made today, as we observed earlier (no. 3), that it is the prerogative of the human intellect to dominate the energies offered by irrational nature and to orientate them towards an end conformable to the good of man. Now, some may ask: in the present case, is it not reasonable in many circumstances to have recourse to artificial birth control if, thereby, we secure the harmony and peace of the family, and better conditions for the education of the children already born? To this question it is necessary to reply with clarity: the Church is the first to praise and recommend the intervention of intelligence in a function which so closely associates the rational creature with his Creator; but she affirms that this must be done with respect for the order established by God.

If, then, there are serious motives to space out births, which derive from the physical or psychological conditions of husband and wife, or from external conditions, the Church teaches that it is then licit to take into account the natural rhythms immanent in the generative functions, for the use of marriage in the infecund periods only, and in this way to regulate birth without offending the moral principles which have been recalled earlier.

Here the teaching that it is not acceptable to use artificial birth control is re-stated. Furthermore, it does explain the proper means of preventing birth when, after a " grave motive " has been found, it is deemed that it is best to delay the birth of a new child. If done naturally, according to natural law, chastely, and with self-control, it is acceptable to abstain from sexual union during the times when the probability of conception is least. One may ask, well if a couple is allowed to do this, then what' s the big deal about using artificial means? The Church has always maintained, and still maintains, that artificial birth control is not acceptable. " There are essential differences between the two cases; in the former, the married couple make legitimate use of a natural disposition; in the latter, they impede the development of natural processes. It is true that, in the one and the other case, the married couple are concordant in the positive will of avoiding children for plausible reasons, seeking the certainty that offspring will not arrive; but it is also true that only in the former case are they able to renounce the use of marriage in the fecund periods when, for just motives, procreation is not desirable, while making use of it during infecund periods to manifest their affection and to safeguard their mutual fidelity. By so doing they give proof of a truly and integrally honest love. "

CHURCH TEACHING THROUGH THE CENTURIES

Contraception is barely mentioned in scripture. Abortion, euthanasia, and cloning are not mentioned either. Birth control has been around for a long, long time. Scrolls found in Egypt, dating as far back as 1900 B.C. describe ancient methods of birth control that were also practiced later in the Roman empire. They mentioned wools that absorb sperm, poisons that were used in the uterus, potions, and other methods used to prevent conception. Even condoms (made of animal skin rather than latex) were used.

The only reference of contraception that I am aware of in Scripture is when Onan, to avoid fulfilling his duty according to ancient Jewish law of fathering children for one ' s dead brother, knew that the offspring would not be his so when he went into his brother' s wife he spilled the seed on the ground, lest he should give offspring to his brother. " And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he slew him also (Gen 38:8-10) "

The prescribed penalty for not giving your brother' s widow children was public humiliation, not death (Deut 25:7-10). Onan was killed for more than avoiding his duty as a brother-in-law. He lost his life because he broke natural law, as Jewish and Christian commentators have always understood. Just as the Bible need not detail every form of stealing and murder to show that stealing and murder of every kind, is wrong, it need not go into every form of birth control to show that they are wrong too. Contraception was so far outside the Jewish and Christian mindset and so obviously wrong that it did not need the frequent condemnations other sins did. Once a moral issue is established in the Bible, every possible application of it need not be mentioned.

The early church fathers knew it was wrong and taught from the beginning of Church history that artificial birth control is a grave sin. The Fathers of the Church recognized the biblical and natural law principles that are the foundation of the Church' s condemnation of artificial birth control.

In A.D. 195, Clement of Alexandria wrote, "Because of its divine institution for the propagation of man, the seed is not to be vainly ejaculated, nor is it to be damaged, nor is it to be wasted" (The Instructor of Children 2:10:91:2).

The First Council of Nicaea, the first ecumenical council and the one that defined Christ' s divinity, declared in 325, "If anyone in sound health has castrated himself, it behooves that such a one, if enrolled among the clergy, should cease [from his ministry], and that from henceforth no such person should be promoted. But, as it is evident that this is said of those who willfully do the thing and presume to castrate themselves, so if any have been made eunuchs by barbarians, or by their masters, and should otherwise be found worthy, such men this canon admits to the clergy" (Canon 1).

Augustine wrote in 419, "I am supposing, then, although you are not lying [with your wife] for the sake of procreating offspring, you are not for the sake of lust obstructing their procreation by an evil prayer or an evil deed. Those who do this, although they are called husband and wife, are not; nor do they retain any reality of marriage, but with a respectable name cover a shame. Sometimes this lustful cruelty, or cruel lust, comes to this, that they even procure poisons of sterility [oral contraceptives]" (Marriage and Concupiscence 1:15:17).

"This proves that you [Manicheans] approve of having a wife, not for the procreation of children, but for the gratification of passion. In marriage, as the marriage law declares, the man and woman come together for the procreation of children. Therefore, whoever makes the procreation of children a greater sin than copulation, forbids marriage and makes the woman not a wife but a mistress, who for some gifts presented to her is joined to the man to gratify his passion" (The Morals of the Manichees 18:65 [A.D. 388]). - Augustine

The early church' s condemnation of contraception is so great that it was followed by Protestants until 1930 and was upheld by all key Protestant Reformers. Martin Luther said, "[T]he exceedingly foul deed of Onan, the basest of wretches . . . is a most disgraceful sin. It is far more atrocious than incest and adultery. We call it unchastity, yes, a sodomitic sin. For Onan goes in to her; that is, he lies with her and copulates, and when it comes to the point of insemination, spills the semen, lest the woman conceive. Surely at such a time the order of nature established by God in procreation should be followed. Accordingly, it was a most disgraceful crime. . . . Consequently, he deserved to be killed by God. He committed an evil deed. Therefore, God punished him."

John Calvin said, "The voluntary spilling of semen outside of intercourse between man and woman is a monstrous thing. Deliberately to withdraw from coitus in order that semen may fall on the ground is doubly monstrous. For this is to extinguish the hope of the race and to kill before he is born the hoped-for offspring."

John Wesley warned, "Those sins that dishonor the body are very displeasing to God, and the evidence of vile affections. Observe, the thing which he [Onan] did displeased the Lord and it is to be feared; thousands, especially of single persons, by this very thing, still displease the Lord, and destroy their own souls." (These passages are quoted in Charles D. Provan, The Bible and Birth Control, which contains many quotes by historic Protestant figures who recognize contraception' s evils.)

Pope Paul VI warned, "Upright men can even better convince themselves of the solid grounds on which the teaching of the Church in this field is based if they care to reflect upon the consequences of methods of artificially limiting the increase of children. Let them consider, first of all, how wide and easy a road would thus be opened up towards conjugal infidelity and the general lowering of morality. Not much experience is needed in order to know human weakness, and to understand that men - especially the young, who are so vulnerable on this point - have need of encouragement to be faithful to the moral law, so that they must not be offered some easy means of eluding its observance. It is also to be feared that the man, growing used to the employment of anti-conceptive practices, may finally lose respect for the woman and, no longer caring for her physical and psychological equilibrium, may come to the point of considering her as a mere instrument of selfish enjoyment, and no longer as his respected and beloved companion" (HV 17).

No one can deny the fulfillment of these prophetic words. It is a painfully clear description of the loose sexual morality of this country. Pornography is becoming mainstream. Abortion is now used as a form of birth control for any reason whatsoever. Sex is no longer viewed as a sacred gift from God to a married man and woman. Homosexuals are now getting married in " Christian " churches. They are even getting ordained as clergy. Young children are increasingly the victims of sexual predators (often their own relatives, family members, teachers, and clergy!). Divorce no longer alarms Christians. It is considered a normal part of life! Numerous surveys report that a majority of married men, and an alarmingly high percentage of women have had adulterous affairs. Teens are engaging in fornication or other sexual behaviors in alarming numbers. We have lost our grasp of what sex truly is, and we have lost all self-control and chastity. These are among the fruits of artificial contraception.

When the Anglican Church, in 1930, caved in to public demand for artificial contraception, the Pope warned that it was not of God. It takes its place within the culture of death which includes artificial contraception, abortion, fornication, pornography, masturbation, homosexuality, violence, rape, adultery, pedophilia, war, social isolation, moral relativism, idolatry, and disrespect for other human beings, and many others. Artificial contraception, in no way, can impart the dignity and worth of the human being upon us. Even for good intentions, the means do not justify the end. To do something evil to bring about that which is good, is not acceptable to God.

THE FRUIT OF PRACTICING HONEST REGULATION OF BIRTH

Humanae Vitae, Paragraph 21, spells out the fruit of honest practices of regulation of birth. As it says in Mt. 7:15-23, false prophets come in sheep' s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious. By their fruit you will recognize them. There are many Protestants and Catholics who use artificial birth control, and haven' t turned into adulterers, rapists, homosexuals, abortion-seekers, pornography addicts, etc. But they are settling for less than what God has for them. They are outside of the will of God. They are short-changing their spouses and children. They are exchanging the truth of God for a lie and are lifting themselves up rather than the Creator. It doesn' t make them bad people. It doesn' t make them " the scum of the earth. " There are many who don' t even know that it is outside the will of God to use artificial birth control. Is that their fault? No, not usually. God is merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. This is a difficult teaching for people to embrace. Pray for the grace to accept God' s will and to live by it.

21. The honest practice of regulation of birth demands first of all that husband and wife acquire and possess solid convictions concerning the true values of life and of the family, and that they tend towards securing perfect self-mastery. To dominate instinct by means of one's reason and free will undoubtedly requires ascetical practices, so that the affective manifestations of conjugal life may observe the correct order, in particular with regard to the observance of periodic continence. Yet this discipline which is proper to the purity of married couples, far from harming conjugal love, rather confers on it a higher human value. It demands continual effort yet, thanks to its beneficent influence, husband and wife fully develop their personalities, being enriched with spiritual values. Such discipline bestows upon family life fruits of serenity and peace, and facilitates the solution of other problems; it favors attention for one's partner, helps both parties to drive out selfishness, the enemy of true love; and deepens their sense of responsibility. By its means, parents acquire the capacity of having a deeper and more efficacious influence in the education of their offspring; little children and youths grow up with a just appraisal of human values, and in the serene and harmonious development of their spiritual and sensitive faculties.

Next Post: The Use of Condoms in AIDS Prevention.

I'm in Way Over My Head: Some Thoughts on Humanae Vitae

2005-08-10T23:01:00.000-04:00

Ok, these next few posts are going to be quite long. That's just the way it has to be.

In response to a previous post, a good friend made the following comment:

" a very interesting discussion! i have to say, the catholic church's position on birth control is one where i have a bit of a struggle. from my understanding, birth control is accepted in the catholic church, as long as it's a 'natural' rhythm method, and not artificial. is that correct? if so, the church objects only to the means of contraception, not to contraception itself. also, i'm interested in whether the church would accept the use of condoms in the case where AIDS is rampant (like sub-Saharan Africa), and women often don't know if their husbands are promiscuous? i would have a very hard time as a pastor telling a woman in that situation that she shouldn't ask her husband to use a condom! finally, i think the catholic position on birth control has hurt the pro-life movement, because the two get equated. people think "yeah, first they want to outlaw abortion, then they want to outlaw birth control!" i'd be interested in your thoughts"

In response to the last part, "finally, i think the catholic position on birth control has hurt the pro life movement, because the two get equated. people think "yeah, first they want to outlaw abortion, then they want to outlaw birth control!", I'd say so what? I would argue that birth control has hurt the pro life movement. There is a direct correlation between the mainstream acceptance of artificial contraception and the mainstream acceptance and demand for abortion. It is because of the acceptance of artificial contraception that we as a society, have lost the real meanings of sex, marriage, and family. Consequently, the sexual revolution was fueled to grow to the extremes that it has, where we now have abortion on demand as a means of birth control, and where we have staggering statistics on the numbers of promiscuousus teenagers and adults having sex outside of marriage. I don't necessarily know if artificial contraception caused these problems, but it certainly is not helping, and has certainly aided and fueled the growth of these, and other problems (failure rates, false sense of security, news reports indicating that certain contraceptive pills, patches, and instruments cause cancer, disease, and reproductive malfunction, etc).

For the sake of the argument, assume that you agree with the Catholic Church on its teaching on artificial contraception (I'll spell this all out later). If it is true that artificial contraception is wrong, then why would it hurt the pro life movement? Abortion is birth control. Furthermore, why would I be concerned about turning people off from the pro life movement by telling them the truth? Jesus, in John 6, was terribly unconcerned about turning people away by the truth. The truth should not be watered down to make it more acceptable. It should be spoken in love, and with love, but not covered up, not watered down, and certainly not ignored in order that we may not offend anyone.

I believe that artificial contraception and abortion are very closely related, and often are the very same issue. Does this make it harder for people to accept that abortion is wrong? I doubt it, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it does make it harder for people to accept. But how is this any different than Jesus saying, "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell (Mt. 5:21-22)." ? Do Christ's latter statements make it harder for people to accept the former statement? If so, does Jesus seem concerned about this happening?

The fact is, a few sentences prior to Jesus making these controversial comments about murder, he said, "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven (Mt. 5:13-16)." We live in a culture in which one of the greatest offenses in society is to offend someone, or to injure their ego. Even Christians are getting carried away with this senselessnessss. If you read through the Gospels and the epistles, Jesus offends people. Christianity is offensive. The truth hurts because it tells us in John 8, "To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Our adversary, the devil, does not want us to be free, much less help others be free. Finally, Jesus said, in Luke 6:26, "Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets." If we are just trying to make friends with everybody by holding the truth and giving them sugar-coated half-truths and make Jesus out to be a "New-Age Feel-Good About Myself Guru" we are false prophets and false teachers who shed no light in this dark world.

I'm not advocating an arrogant, in-your-face, obnoxious, Jerry Falwell, Rush Limbaugh approach (I like Rush but am one of the few who understand that he is not journalism, but entertainment). But I am advocating that we speak the truth in love and in kindness even if it offends people. I am advocating speaking the truth even if it drives some people away. I am advocating speaking the truth even if we Christians are seen as lunatics and foolish. "We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! (1 Corinthians 4:10).

So what if people say, "first you want to outlaw abortion and now you want outlaw birth control" ? I do pray and hope that both practices of birth control (abortion and artificial contraception) are brought to an end. They are both terribly offensive to God and harmful to people. If it is true that they are both wrong, then why would I care if the opposition objects more to one than the other? Frankly, I don't think that those who are pro-choice object any more to church teaching on artificial birth control than they do to church teaching on abortion.

Catch up

2005-08-05T11:58:00.000-04:00

Life has been somewhat busy. Sunday-Monday: Led a retreat with the high school guys that I join with on a weekly basis for support, prayer, and encouragement. We talked about worship, and how its not just singing songs or saying prayers, and acting religious. It is about giving God what he is worth, which is everything we have. I was very impressed by how they responded to the discussions. These guys are great people. They are truly a joy to spend time with. They mean the world to me. I want nothing but the best for them.

We stayed up very late playing cards and watching movies. I think I went to bed at 4:30 in the morning. We had to get up at 9:00 in the morning for breakfast and for a discussion so that we'd have time to clean up before we had to go home. We ate very good food. I had to do all the cooking, and I am a wannabe chef. Hamburgers for lunch Sunday. Spaghetti for dinner. French Toast for breakfast Monday. Good stuff.

I tried to get some work done but mostly played games and vegged on Monday. Read some Harry Potter until it was quite late, and slept in very late. I was a little disappointed that I slept so long but I was so tired. Had plans to get a lot of work done, but didn't get around to it.

Thursday I drove up to Lansing to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I am not very close to my extended family. I think they view my mom as kinda the black sheep and I am an "illegitimate son." I've noticed since I was quite young that they don't really respect her very much, and often feel as though they think something's wrong with me. But the family I visited with on Thursday is quite different. They are very warm and loving and fun to be around. They are the only family I think I could get close to but they live in Florida so I am worried that when my mom passes away I will be all alone (God, of course, will always be with me).

My mom is a great mom. I love her dearly. If you were to meet her and get to know her you would love her dearly too. She is a very sweet person. I don't think she sees it. She is rather insecure, and misunderstands me. She often finds things in what I say or do that are just not true. I have no idea how she misinterprets me so badly. Her insecurities tend to cause her to see me as the problem rather than her insecurities and I sometimes get yelled at for things that I never did, said, or thought. The thing is, nobody has perfect parents, and as far as parents go, my mom is one of the best parents I've ever seen in action. And for the most part, other than the occasional frustration with her misdirected dealings with her insecurities, she is a wonderful person. I have a great deal of respect for her. I don't know how she continually takes hold of the grace to deal with her illnesses with the class and dignity that she does, but I am very impressed.

No parent has perfect children. I am not the most sensitive, compassionate, understanding, nurturing person. This does not mean that I am without love and concern for my mom, or for others. I just need to work more on being more nurturing and sensitive to her and her needs, while at the same time, doing it in such a way that maintains as much independence as possible for her.

I remembered, as I visited my relatives, that my mom is an amazing person, and that she has been a huge blessing to me.

Tonight I hung out with my friend, Dave. He is a great friend. We went to Ashley's Pub and then rented a movie. Had a great time.

New Car and Some Deeper Thoughts...

2005-07-27T23:35:00.000-04:00

I got a new car today. It has been lots of fun watching God continue in His unceasing faithfulness to me with regards to transportation. As I mentioned in a previous post, my car was totally destroyed in an accident a couple weeks ago. On the night of the accident I was very close to where I was going, so I got a ride there. When it was time for me to go home that evening, my friend's mom offered me their extra car for a short period of time. It was great driving home that night. A few days later, I found out that I added a rental car to my insurance policy and completely forgot about it. So I was able to get a nice rental car that my insurance policy paid for. I was able to return my friend's car and not worry that it was an inconvenience to them.

A few days later my insurance company called with the very generous settlement for the total loss on my fully covered vehicle. I learned then, that the rental car would no longer be covered by my insurance once the policy was cancelled. I had two more days to keep the rental car. A very close friend of mine was leaving town for two weeks and offered his car while he was out of town.

My accident was on July 13. Today is July 27. I did not go a single day without transportation. This is the sort of thing that God does to provide for me. I have to stay "on my toes," depending on Him, but He provides for me the things I need each day.

"Give us this day our daily Bread."

Some may say that practical necessities are not very spiritual. I say they are. I don't really see a point in separating the practical from the spiritual. I think they are much more closely connected than we realize. God does want us to be able to take care of our practical needs.

The Weekend

Went very well. I went to Confession as planned. It was so good. It is becoming one of my favorite parts of the week. When I hear the priest tell me that I am absolved and forgiven for my sins, it is much more freeing than when I repented privately to God for very non-specific sins as a non-Catholic.

Mass was very interesting. My priest began a three-week series on the Catholic teaching on birth control. Pope Paul VI wrote an encyclical called Humanae Vitae, in which he laid out plainly, the Church teaching on birth control. It was very controversial (still is). Many Catholics do not follow the teaching. It is very interesting to me that up until 1930 all Christian churches taught that birth control was a sin. In 1930 a church changed its position on birth control (why? how?) . Shortly after, nearly all mainline Protestant churches gave in, and changed their teaching on this issue. When Pope Paul VI issued his encyclical, Humanae Vitae, he warned that if this teaching is ignored, we would see abortion on demand as well as an alarmingly high rate of divorce. The divorce rate amongst Catholic couples who do not use birth control is very low.

While I recognize that these facts do not necessarily validate the Catholic teaching on this issue, I do find them very interesting, nonetheless. Prior to the ascension of Jesus, he promised to send "the Spirit of truth" to the Church. Prior to becoming a Catholic I had the mind that the particular church one went to was not that important as long as you attended a church that was in agreement with the "basics" of Christianity. I took a position of moral relativity, while at the same time, believing that it is absurd to take a moral stance that was morally relative. It was sort of like saying "I'll have Coke, you can have Pepsi." But what about the many issues that are not an "I'll choose Coke, you choose Pepsi" issue, such as homosexuality, abortion, birth control, divorce, salvation doctrine, etc. ?

Salvation doctrines vary from church to church. One church may teach "once saved, always saved." Other churches may disagree with that doctrine. That is definitely not an "I'll choose Coke, you choose Pepsi" issue. It is either true that once one is saved, s/he cannot ever lose salvation, or it is false. As much as Protestants object to the idea that the Pope has teaching authority, each Protestant Pastor is its church's Pope. That Pastor decides for the church what is true and what is false. Sometimes Church councils do this but the point remains the same. We have over 49,000 different Christian denominations with varying doctrinal statements about salvation. If one is a moral relativist, then one can be comfortable with this. I am not comfortable with this, given the fact that Jesus promised "the Spirit of Truth." I'm not accusing my Christian brothers and sisters of not being Christian, but I am saying that there are a lot of Christians who are not living in the fullness of truth, because (unless you are a relativist) every position on salvation doctrine cannot be true since many of these doctrines contradict one another.

Again, this may not convince you that the Catholic position on birth control is true, but it would be difficult to convince you unless you agreed with me that Jesus sent the Spirit of Truth to the Church so that we would know what is true and what is false. Either you accept the teaching authority of the Church that Jesus founded or you don't. If you don't accept it, then its cafeteria Christianity - picking and choosing what you are most comfortable with - and moral relativism. While it is sometimes frightening to trust that the Pope is infallible in matters of faith and morals, it is, to me, more frightening to trust in churches which are changing long-standing moral teachings all the time (ordination of homosexual clergy, abortion, euthanasia, birth control, etc.). God cares about what we do. Being a Christian does not give one license to do as one pleases. Sometimes the things we want are not good for us for various reasons. Out of love for us, God must show us the truth.

To all of my non-Catholic readers: My intention is not to offend anyone, but I do realize that some of my positions may offend some of you. On the one hand, I care about you as an individual, and do not wish to cause you any distress, but on the other hand, Jesus offends many people, and so do I. I guess I'm just trying to say that even though I may offend some of you, I'm not writing these things to be obnoxious and offensive for the sake of being a jerk. I am just sharing what is on my mind. To all my Protestant friends: You are my brothers and sisters in Christ even if we do not agree on issues. I was a Protestant for 34 of my 35 years of life. I value my Protestant tradition and love all that I learned in my churches.

God bless you all.

Scattered thoughts...

2005-07-22T23:04:00.000-04:00

My dog has a small cut on her ear that is infected. The antibiotic ointment the vet gave isn't really working and I don't have enough money to take her back to the vet anytime soon.

Had lunch with a friend today at Qdoba. He is hilarious. Great guy. His mom makes this amazing mint tea and she sent a gallon of it with him to give me. Great stuff! He is saving up to spend half the year in Belfast, Northern Ireland, doing missionary work. Look out Belfast!

Played a bit of counterstrike today. In counter strike, you have a "game name." Mine is El Gato. I had a great time playing with Rage, Liquid, Lycan, and Bill Murray today. We laugh and joke around a lot while we play. If you read this and are a 1.6 counterstrike player, feel free to leave a comment and I'll give you our server ip. We need more regulars on our server.

I need to get in shape. I am turning into a slob. I did an upper body workout today and died because of the tendinitis in my elbows and because of my lack of fitness. Too bad! Gotta get in shape!

The Pistons hired Flip Saunders to replace Larry Brown. I have mixed thoughts about this. On the one hand, I trust Joe Dumars (Pistons General Manager). He has made all the right decisions thus far. On the other hand, I don't really think Flip Saunders, being a "players coach" is what the Pistons need. He is not known for coaching great defense. Other than Phil Jackson, I can't really think of any "players coaches" who coached their team to the Championship. I'll give him a chance. I hope the Piston players do, too.

Whether or not Larry Brown is as slimey as the press makes him out to be, I wish the Pistons owner would have some class and not bad-mouth him to the press.

I am looking forward to going to Confession tomorrow. When I found out that Pope John Paul II went to confession once a week, I decided that I would go once a week too. I am a brand new Catholic, so Confession is new to me. What a gift! I never really examined my conscience on a regular basis as a Protestant. I've noticed there is so much more grace to resist temptations and to be more Christ-like because of Confession. Every week I go to Church on Saturday afternoon, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal my sins, review my week, and the Holy Spirit never fails to bring to mind ways in which I have offended God. I never really cared to know before. I don't get beat up with guilt that one may expect. I experience real sorrow for my sins and joyful hope because Jesus never fails me. I love going to Confession.

My mom is an amazing woman. I don't know how she stays as positive as she does, considering her health issues. I really want to make her feel special on her birthday on Sunday but I don't know what to do, given that she is sick and can't do much. I'll pray that God will inspire some great ideas.

I want to see some really good movies but they don't make very many really good movies. Most movies today are all visually and technologically very impressive, but because all the money is going into special effects, the actual writing is generally horrible. It saddens me that one of the best written movies I've ever seen - Pulp Fiction - is morally bankrupt. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie but I'd pay twice as much to see movies with the same quality of writing, but with admirable characters who choose to do the right thing, even at a tremendous cost to their careers, relationships, and lives. If anyone has any suggestions for uplifting, inspiring, thought-provoking (positive, wholesome thoughts please) movies, please suggest!

I thoroughly enjoyed Batman Begins, and I was very surprised that I liked it. The previous Batman movies were crap! I'd even say that Batman Begins is one of my top 20 favorite movies.
I can't really give it a review since I saw it only once, and awhile ago, but it was great.

I recently saw The Incredibles. That was a very fun movie. Laughed so much. Good story, great characters, good writing.

Enough said.... good night!

I Want to Fall In Love

2005-07-21T23:54:00.000-04:00

I want to love Jesus more than I currently do. I want to give him everything I have, and all that I am. I do not want to love in merely a sentimental way. I want to love sincerely and truly, even when I am feeling tired, lazy, and far from sentimental. I want to be faithful to God even when it is painful and uncomfortable. I want to fall in love with the One who fell in love with me when I was conceived. I want to fall in love with the One who has the power to love perfectly even when I fail to love.

"Get this if you don't get anything else: The spiritual life begins with accepting God's wholehearted love for our wounded, broken, surly, frightened, sorry selves. There is no other starting point." -Brennan Manning

I'm trying to wrap my mind and heart around God's wholehearted love for my wounded, broken, surly, frightened, sorry self.

Please pray with me:

Lord Jesus, sustain all Christians in our daily journey of faith. Give us the grace to accept your wholehearted love for us . Remember that we are slow to believe, and strengthen our faith. Teach your paths to all those who seek the road to life.

Amen

Excellent Day

2005-07-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

Played disc golf with a couple of my former students. They are awesome guys. I laugh a lot when I hang out with them, especially when I watch them play disc golf. They love God and inspire me to love God too. I've watched these guys grow up since they were kinda young. I've seen them grow in their love for God and it has been a joy to see.

It was an awesome day. Sunny, not very humid (its been like a sauna lately), incredible day. I haven't played disc golf in awhile so I was a bit rusty but I still finished par.

Came home and made arrangements with my car insurance company to get the settlement check from my car accident. Looks like I'll have a fair down payment toward another car.

In the evening I went to a picnic with the Juniors (and their families) that I meet with each week in a Christian support group that we call "men's group." The picnic was great. The families are wonderfully supportive. It rained very hard so we had to move inside. We had a great meeting. We laugh a lot. Humor is a wonderful gift.

"Those who put their trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, that cannot be shaken, that stands forever (Psalm 125:1)."

Cars break, people let us down, we don't get the job we wanted, we don't make the team, we don't impress people we really wanted to impress, we don't make enough money, we don't have enough time to get everything completed, we don't know how to love well, we miscommunicate important ideas to others, our health fails us, relationships are sometimes difficult, loved ones die or leave us, wars and rumors of wars frighten us, the economy worries us, and sometimes nothing seems to work as planned.

I remember when I took a job with an unexpected pay cut. That first year I occasionally found my cubboards and fridge empty. There were times when I literally had no food in the house. I took the job because I believed God wanted me to take it. Why would God want me to take a job that would not allow me to take care of my basic necessities? God used that year to do amazing things in my life. He put me in a place where I was free to be myself and to grow. I may not have had any money, but I was very rich nonetheless. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone that I was not making enough money to pay for necessities such as food. One morning, I woke up, got ready for work, opened the door and three bags of groceries were left on my doorstep. The bags were not filled with cheap no-name brand, "poor people's food." The bag had quality steaks, ice cream, and other good stuff. It even had a cool Sports Illustrated magazine in it.

A few years later my car broke down and needed to be replaced. I had no money. God provided a car anyways. Not long after, it broke down. Within six months, I went through 4 vehicles. At first it was frustrating to stress over the loss of the first two vehicles. When God provided the third vehicle I started to have fun with it. God gives us this day, our daily bread. In other words, our Heavenly Father provides for His children.

God has provided in many different ways over the years. I am learning to trust Him. And I am shaken less and less each time something goes wrong. My confidence in God is growing.

Please consider praying with me:

God is our shield and defender. Let us put our trust in Him, as we pray:

O God, those who put their trust in you cannot be shaken: strengthen in faith those who are afraid. Open the eyes of faith to see your presence. Guard the hearts of the young and the uncertain. Drive the false gods from the temples of our hearts. Let those who have died live on in your peace. May the Lord guard our going and coming both now and forever. Amen.

Morning Prayer

2005-07-20T08:36:00.000-04:00

"Strong is God's love for us; he is faithful for ever; come, let us give thanks and praise! (Ps. 117:2)"

The book of Isaiah tells us that "Though the mountains leave thir place and the hills be shaken, My love shall never leave you...says the LORD, who has mercy on you." God's love for us remains no matter what is going on in our lives. Everything can be falling apart, like mountains falling to the ground, but God's love is steadfast. When bad things or difficicult circumstances happen does it mean that God's love is missing? I see God's love in all things, even the difficult things in life.

Please consider praying the following with me:

Grant us the grace to put our trust in your fidelity rather than on our own short-sightedness. Teach us to hear and to live the words we pray when we are gathered for worship. Make us walk in the ways of truth and beauty today. Remember your people, O Lord.

I thank God for the amazing life You have given me. Thanks for your unfailing, steadfast, perfect love.

God bless!

Camp

2005-07-20T02:36:00.000-04:00

Camp was a blast. I am the camp director for a week-long, echumenical, charismatic, Christian boys camp for Middle School aged boys. I remember vividly my first year, as a 7th grader, in 1982. I had an amazing time at camp. My three years of camp as a camper changed my life. I've been to camp every year (except one) since 1982.

This year we had 104 boys and a huge number of amazing staff. The theme for the week was taken from Romans 8 (one of the parts of the Bible). "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba Father." The Spirit himselfe testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ..." Romans 8:15-17

This passage is very rich and meaningful in many ways. We talked about the Prodigal Son, which is a story Jesus told to a crowd of people. You can read about it in Luke 15. It is a story of forgiveness and mercy, and the joy of seeing someone who was lost come home and be found in good standing. Sin is a big deal. It is not some insignificant thing. In fact, it is such a big deal that Jesus Christ died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. Accepting this great gift from God means that our sins are forgiven. Our adversary, the devil, accuses us and makes us feel ashamed and guilty when we sin. Often, we try to do as Adam and Eve did when they first sinned; they tried to hide from God. When we find ourselves in sin we often stay away from prayer or church until we "get our act together." The problem is that we, like the prodigal son, have nothing but pig crap to stand in. We are powerless to overcome sin and weaknesses on our own. And, just like the prodigal son, we need our Father to clothe us in the best robes, to put a ring on our finger, and to have the best life we can have. The act of putting on the best robes, the gold ring, and having the best calf killed for the party for his son, who was dead but is now alive, who was lost, but is now found, is the act of mercy. This is a very accurate description of how our Father sees us when we turn to him and repent. Rather than yell at us or punish us, he sees us for who we really are - his lost son who came home. We aren't the scum of the earth. We aren't terrible people. We are heirs to all that our Father has, and co-heirs with Christ. The robe is status and comfort to the lost son. It reminds him that he is still his father's son. It reminds him that he is still an heir. The ring is the authority as a son. The authority is restored. The accuser, the devil, has nothing to say to the Father's heir because the son has real authority and real acceptance by the Father. Neat stuff!

We also talked about the fact that our only hope is in God. As children of God, we can boldly ask our Father for what we need to live out our lives the way He calls us to live them out. We also have the responsibility to share the love of the Father with others because, as it says in Romans, all of creation groans and waits for the revelation of God's sons. God wants to set all of creation free from slavery through us. That is amazing power that He has given to us. It is real power, and we need not fear anything, because it comes from God, the Father.

Many kids were touched by God, freed to experience the Father's love, freed from shame, guilt, condemnation, and performance spirituality (a type of unhealthy external perfectionism that is twisted into performing for others, rather than accepting God's love for who we are and being real with Him and others about our flaws and weaknesses as we cry out to God our Father for help in dealing with our internal struggles). Lots of kids just fell in love with God at camp and had a great time in prayer and in worship. Many received spiritual gifts from God to heal the sick, care for the poor, preach the Gospel to the lost, and to pray powerfully for people.

We played a sweet game of Conquest ( a complex game that combines team-building activities, capture the flag, and tag). It really looked like campers and staff were having fun. It was a very hot week, but we really didn't have much difficulty with heat exhaustion.

I was very impressed with the talks this year. Last year I was frustrated that several of the guys spoke for over an hour! This year, they were short, interesting, and powerful. Many of the kids commented to me that they enjoyed the talks and found them very helpful.

The food was better this year. For several years, the quality and quantity of the food was getting worse and worse. This year I had very few complaints about the food.

The Gong Show was great. There were many hilarious skits. Much laughter! I even got in on the Gong Show and let an 80 pound kid beat me up in a boxing match in which I did not hit him back. I had several clipboards broken over my head. I dented a steel music stand with my head.

I had a great time watching the Junior Counselors embrace their roles and step up as leaders and counselors. I was very impressed.

God only knows if we will have camp next year. I hope we have camp again next year. Hundreds of kids have come to camp over the years and have met God, fallen in love with God, and have had their lives changed forever. I have a heavy heart about this. I don't want to belittle parents and be overly critical; I realize that I am not a parent and have no clue how hard it is to be a parent. I just wish parents would take more seriously their duty to evangelize their children, see them as precious gifts (even teenagers), and enjoy them more. It breaks my heart to hear of parents yelling and raging at their children for things like forgetting to turn lights off in the house, getting a B instead of an A, and for expressing how they really feel about life. As a teacher I sometimes get calls from parents who are outraged with their kids for getting an A- instead of an A. I really wish such parents would step back for a moment and see how amazing their kids really are, and just play with their kids. How many fathers rough-house and throw a ball around with their kids? I know there are plenty who do these things with their kids, but there are so many who don't have a clue how to enjoy their kids. I have been doing youth work for 18 years and I NEVER encountered a bad kid. Every single one of them have been precious, amazing, and enjoyable kids. How many parents pull their kids aside to let them know they are awesome?

This is one of the reasons why I don't want to see camp end. It is a chance for God to let these boys know that even though they may not be the best students. or the best athletes, or the best behaved, even though they are sometimes forgetful and egocentric, God not only loves them, but enjoys them just as they are. This isn't to say that parents should let their children be mediocre. I just think it is better to build a kid up rather than tear him down.

First Post

2005-07-19T15:48:00.000-04:00

I don't really know what to say for the first post. I suppose it doesn't have to be anything special. I couldn't sleep last night. I was up until about 6 in the morning. Part of it was that I had heart burn. Part of it was that I couldn't stop thinking about life and how easy it is to make the least of it.

I'm looking forward to playing disc golf in the morning with a few of my former students. It should be fun.

I really wish there were good summer sports to watch on TV. I'm missing football and basketball. Baseball is fun to play but I really don't get into watching it.

I got in a car accident last week. Traffic stopped ahead of me, so I stopped too, but the woman behind me did not stop, and drove her car, without even slowing down, straight into the back of my car. This pushed my car into the car in front of me. It was the most violent impact I have ever felt. It was actually frighteningly violent and quite painful. My neck hurts pretty badly. My car was not fully paid for, so the insurance will mostly go to the bank. I really hope I can afford a new car. God always provides what I need so I am trying not to get anxious about this.

Camp was great again this year. I think I'll post a separate post about camp, just so I can have it on record.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1)."

I can tell dozens of true stories about God being ever-present in my life as a refuge and as my strength. I can also tell many stories about me failing to recognize God as ever-present in my life. When we take our eyes, our hearts, our minds, off of God and focus on the sin, temptations, and events in our lives, its very easy to forget that God is with us. Sometimes we even get off track by focusing on seemingly good things, like trying to live holy lives. We can concentrate so hard on trying to make ourselves better by ridding our lives of certain sins or weaknesses. Pretty soon we are far from God, and trying to improve ourselves on our own, apart from the One who has the power to change us.

But if we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, we won't miss Him. We can see Him in the midst of our weaknesses, our sufferings, our struggles, our greatest victories, our joyous moments in life, and everywhere we go, and in everyone we know. Knowing He is there for us, knowing that He loves us so much, we can run into his open arms to find refuge and strength. I pray that in my weaknesses, I will run into His arms. I pray that in my victories I will remain in His arms. Thanks be to God!